Need the ladies assistance

February 11, 2018

I recently started talking with a woman via Facebook. She had commented on a post of mine and wanted to come out to do some promo shots of me onstage. At any rate her and I started talking on Messenger and things were going great and we were all setup to meet sometime in the near future when apparently I blew it because I made reference to an ex. She had asked me why someone like myself was single and I told her that up until 5 years ago I wad married for 31 years and we talked about our kids. Well later in the conversation this was said:

Her: Agreed. I get a lot of non committal types want a girl to show off. But I want more

Me: Well that's good, and you deserve more. I feel the same way. I don't live my life in bars. Naturally I like going because I sing, but it's not my life. I enjoy doing other things.

Her: I want a Life. Home. Toys. Exploring new Places. Enjoy my Grandkids, Entertain. And really just shoot photos not work 15 you days.

Me: I agree. I used to have that with my ex at one time, so I know what you're talking about.

Me: How many grandkids do you have?

We were speaking constantly for about an hour, but she just dropped off the radar after that. After a couplel hours I messaged back this:

Are you okay?

Then a half hour after that I said this:

Not sure what happened. I hope I haven't upset you. I have absolutely, positively no affiliation whatsoever with my past except for my kids and grandkids, just so you know. I hope you get a good rest. Goodnight.

She saw everything I wrote. This happened last, but hasn't responded back yet. What should I say? Is there anything I can say or should I just leave it be?

I only said what I said about my ex just as a reference in agreement with what she's looking for. I guess she took it the wrong way.

February 11, 2018

You said nothing wrong. No clue why she hasn't responded yet but there could be a lot of reasons. Maybe her phone stopped functioning correctly or something.

February 11, 2018

You said nothing wrong. No clue why she hasn't responded yet but there could be a lot of reasons. Maybe her phone stopped functioning correctly or something.

I see her active and 'hasn't been on in so many minutes', so it appears she online. I don't know. I have no clue why she would just drop off like that. I don't know if I should say anymore in an apologetic way or just leave it alone for now.

February 11, 2018

I don't think you did anything wrong, and the reality is, you both have exes, and these exes are going to pop into the picture from time to time. You simply can't omit them. They ware a major part of your life for many, many years, and they still are with the kids and grandkids. As long as the other person isn't consistently bringing them up, trash-talking them, longing for the old days, etc., it's just a piece of information like mentioning your niece, your sister, or your childhood dog.

I don't know why she dropped off. Maybe she fell asleep. Hopefully she writes back, but mentioning your ex, I just don't see what you said as anything wrong. If this is why she stopped talking, if she's that hypersensitive, she may not be worth your time.

You already wrote her, apologizing for I don't know what, but back off for now. Maybe later today or tomorrow, pop a text, how's your day?

February 11, 2018

She told me she had problems with stalkers. Could this be a test?

February 11, 2018

I don't think you did anything wrong, and the reality is, you both have exes, and these exes are going to pop into the picture from time to time. You simply can't omit them. They ware a major part of your life for many, many years, and they still are with the kids and grandkids. As long as the other person isn't consistently bringing them up, trash-talking them, longing for the old days, etc., it's just a piece of information like mentioning your niece, your sister, or your childhood dog.

I don't know why she dropped off. Maybe she fell asleep. Hopefully she writes back, but mentioning your ex, I just don't see what you said as anything wrong. If this is why she stopped talking, if she's that hypersensitive, she may not be worth your time.

You already wrote her, apologizing for I don't know what, but back off for now. Maybe later today or tomorrow, pop a text, how's your day?

Okay. Thank you. :-)

February 11, 2018

I see her active and 'hasn't been on in so many minutes', so it appears she online.

Depending upon what app you're using, they will do that if you don't go in and log off the app.

But what if talking about your ex turned her off, even if it was an innocuous comment? Could be she's had bad experiences in the past with men who've innocuously mentioned their ex and she came to find out that that ex really isn't in the past, but is very much current.

If she won't respond, then move on. She doesn't have sufficient interest for you to invest any more effort. Sometimes, it just works out that way.

February 11, 2018

Depending upon what app you're using, they will do that if you don't go in and log off the app.

But what if talking about your ex turned her off, even if it was an innocuous comment? Could be she's had bad experiences in the past with men who've innocuously mentioned their ex and she came to find out that that ex really isn't in the past, but is very much current.

If she won't respond, then move on. She doesn't have sufficient interest for you to invest any more effort. Sometimes, it just works out that way.

Or maybe she's talking with someone else. That thought crossed my mind. She is absolutely stunning 5'9" long haired green eyes blonde with long tan legs forever. I'm sure she gets many offers daily.

February 11, 2018

I see her active and 'hasn't been on in so many minutes', so it appears she online. I don't know. I have no clue why she would just drop off like that. I don't know if I should say anymore in an apologetic way or just leave it alone for now.

Leave it alone. You didn't need to apologize in the first place, so definitely no need to do so now. If she's this sensitive to who knows what, you would be dodging a bullet. Maybe the keypad on her phone is not working or something??? I don't know, but you have done nothing wrong.

February 11, 2018

By the time you have grandkids, YOU HAVE A PAST. Everybody deals with it.

I personally think what she said about dating a lot of noncommital types was worse than your comment about the ex. "A lot" is how many and is she burned out?

Maybe she just wants to slow down the conversation and take stock of things. Nothing wrong with that. You don't need to talk every day.

February 11, 2018

Very solid advice from all of you. Thank you all so much. I think what I'll try doing is contacting her later tonight or tomorrow and just ask her how her day was and if she's feeling well because she's been sick. if I don't hear back from her that by then I won't bother anymore.

Thanks again!

February 11, 2018

She told me she had problems with stalkers. Could this be a test?

Stalkers, as in multiple? If she has stalkers to the multiple, I'm thinking she's dangerous to be around. Either that, or they're not stalkers at all, she just monkey-branches and fails to tell the old guy it's over before moving on to the next. They keep calling, texting, stopping by until they eventually get the hint. Maybe she's dating multiple men and drops off the planet the way she just did with you, so there are bound to be some texts and calls trying to figure out what happened...stalkers (multiple) is probably not the word to be using, but to have multiple stalkers...I question her and why. Something's not right.

February 11, 2018

Stalkers? nah....she has an army of admirers.

I bet she said "stalkers" to down play it....in reality she just simply has a lot of interested men, but doesn't want you to think that way about her.....maybe she does really like you or she does this to keep guys on the hook. Only time will tell.

Edited February 11, 2018 by smackie9

February 11, 2018

Very solid advice from all of you. Thank you all so much. I think what I'll try doing is contacting her later tonight or tomorrow and just ask her how her day was and if she's feeling well because she's been sick. if I don't hear back from her that by then I won't bother anymore.

Thanks again!

So first you apologize for nothing. Now you are going to reach out again? You are coming across as weak. This will turn her off.

Dude, don’t do this. There is nothing wrong with her phone, she didn’t fall ill, and there’s was no emergency. She doesn’t want to talk to you.

If she does, she’ll reach out.

Ps: what you are doing is stalker behavior. Stop lobbing balls over the net when she’s not returning them.

February 11, 2018

So first you apologize for nothing. Now you are going to reach out again? You are coming across as weak. This will turn her off.

Dude, don’t do this. There is nothing wrong with her phone, she didn’t fall ill, and there’s was no emergency. She doesn’t want to talk to you.

If she does, she’ll reach out.

Ps: what you are doing is stalker behavior. Stop lobbing balls over the net when she’s not returning them.

This ^^

Don't *ever* apologise if you didn't do anything wrong. And don't chase someone who's disappeared.

Find that self respect.

February 11, 2018

Yeah agree with the others you didn't do anything wrong and had nothing to apologize for , you couldn't have been more polite.

Really , if anything in that set her off then she'd be the one with issues tbh.

l'd be a little bit wary of her l think by the sounds, just eyes open l mean.

But anyway hopefully there's an explanation and she gets back and apologizes to you and all is well with the world.

Good luck

February 11, 2018

If she is trying to pull off some kind of mind game here, it sure is working.

You apologized for something that wasn't your fault even.

Don't message her. In fact, if she messages you ever, take 3 days to respond.

Why do people give so much importance to random strangers they have not even met?! At least at your age, you should know better.

And stalkers? Yeah right!! I call BS on that. Trying to make herself look more valuable than she actually is. That's what it is about.

February 12, 2018

Stalkers? nah....she has an army of admirers.

I bet she said "stalkers" to down play it....in reality she just simply has a lot of interested men, but doesn't want you to think that way about her.....maybe she does really like you or she does this to keep guys on the hook. Only time will tell.

I agree with what you said. No doubt a lot of guys hit her up. She's tall and gorgeous. She did message me back finally yesterday afternoon and told me how her day was going and that she was cooking all day and that she had fallen asleep after my last message. I did notice that she had read my message right after I sent it, but it took her til the next afternoon to respond. Don't know what's up with that. You'd think if she thought that I thought that she was upset about something she would've responded back immediately and said everything was okay. I don't know what's going on in her life if she's taking to others, is just very busy or what's going on. I do know she's been sick with the flu. How that factors in I couldn't say. A lot of people are in agreement that I shouldn't be apologizing, and they're probably right. I guess I'm just too good hearted, but not always. She doesn't know yet, but I dumped my last 3 gf's because they were inconsiderate. They were all very pretty as well, but a pretty face doesn't mean a pretty heart.....as the song goes. I've learned that. I don't put up with too much anymore. If I think they're playing and not being sincere they're gone. I don't have any problem doing that no matter how attractive she may be. As a lead singer I know they'll be plenty more right behind the last one. No one's doing me any favors.

Edited February 12, 2018 by Vocals5

February 12, 2018

Or maybe she's talking with someone else. That thought crossed my mind. She is absolutely stunning 5'9" long haired green eyes blonde with long tan legs forever. I'm sure she gets many offers daily.

That, too...

At the end of the day, she's not sufficiently interested in you to arse herself.

Could be her looks, could be her attitude.

February 12, 2018

Doesn’t seem like you did anything wrong. Sounds she just wasn’t that interested.

February 12, 2018

I recently started talking with a woman via Facebook. She had commented on a post of mine and wanted to come out to do some promo shots of me onstage. At any rate her and I started talking on Messenger and things were going great and we were all setup to meet sometime in the near future when apparently I blew it because I made reference to an ex. She had asked me why someone like myself was single and I told her that up until 5 years ago I wad married for 31 years and we talked about our kids. Well later in the conversation this was said:

Her: Agreed. I get a lot of non committal types want a girl to show off. But I want more

Me: Well that's good, and you deserve more. I feel the same way. I don't live my life in bars. Naturally I like going because I sing, but it's not my life. I enjoy doing other things.

Her: I want a Life. Home. Toys. Exploring new Places. Enjoy my Grandkids, Entertain. And really just shoot photos not work 15 you days.

Me: I agree. I used to have that with my ex at one time, so I know what you're talking about.

Me: How many grandkids do you have?

We were speaking constantly for about an hour, but she just dropped off the radar after that. After a couplel hours I messaged back this:

Are you okay?

Then a half hour after that I said this:

Not sure what happened. I hope I haven't upset you. I have absolutely, positively no affiliation whatsoever with my past except for my kids and grandkids, just so you know. I hope you get a good rest. Goodnight.

She saw everything I wrote. This happened last, but hasn't responded back yet. What should I say? Is there anything I can say or should I just leave it be?

I only said what I said about my ex just as a reference in agreement with what she's looking for. I guess she took it the wrong way.

She's probably pulling back to see if you'll become needy. Let it be until she contacts you again. If she doesn't contact you again whatever you would say won't matter.

February 13, 2018

She's probably pulling back to see if you'll become needy. Let it be until she contacts you again. If she doesn't contact you again whatever you would say won't matter.

If she needs to see my don't give a crap side, I'm more than happy to oblige. She finally got back to me after a full day telling me how sick she was and how she was sleeping coughing, sleeping coughing. Then asked me how I was. That was last night. I have yet to respond back. I think you're absolutely right. 100%. Now I can see that's precisely what it is, but the question is should I be a prick and wait a full day to respond back to her or respond back this morning?

Funny, but it sounds like she needs me more than I need her. LOL. The other night I gave her the courtesy of letting her know that I went out to open mic night and that I'd be in comunicado because my phone was about to die and that I would say goodnight to her later on because she said she was going to sleep early. I entertain a whole bar full of people, while she was sitting home on the couch watching television. I have friends up the Wazoo. I don't need anybody.

Edited February 13, 2018 by Vocals5

February 13, 2018

Funny, but it sounds like she needs me more than I need her. LOL. The other night I gave her the courtesy of letting her know that I went out to open mic night and that I'd be in comunicado because my phone was about to die and that I would say goodnight to her later on because she said she was going to sleep early. I entertain a whole bar full of people, while she was sitting home on the couch watching television. I have friends up the Wazoo. I don't need anybody.

Major plot twist. The protagonist was the bad guy all along.

February 13, 2018

Major plot twist. The protagonist was the bad guy all along.

Nope. You're wrong about that. There's no need for her to back off to 'test' me to see if I'm going to stalk her or to see if I'm needy. That's a little insulting, especially since she knows I have a lot of friends and perform. Musicians are not typically needy people because of the nature of what they do, the same as she isn't needy because of all the attention she gets because of her looks. I find it ironic since she's the one who approached me first.

Edited February 13, 2018 by Vocals5

February 13, 2018

Let me get this right?

You met her on FB and that's it. You don't know her, have not spoken to her...

and she looks like a model!

I suggest this is a con - there are loads of false accounts and con-artists looking to take advantage of older single (lonely) guys.

...of course she is talking to other guys.

Edited February 13, 2018 by dangerous

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