Lovetoburn Posted February 11, 2018 Posted February 11, 2018 (edited) Hey all you other heartbroken kings and queens, My gf of 8 months left me two weeks ago, I didn’t see it coming. Bit of a backstory, we’ve known each other for three years, went on a couple dates two years back but nothing came of it. Back at graduation we confessed our love for each other and dated since. I thought she was the one. I saw her three nights before the break up and everything felt great and right but then she hit me with “we’re not helping each other grow, we’re not making each other godlier, I’m confuseD about the future, etc” We talked for 2 hours and I made the mistake of trying to ration with her “I love you, we can fix things etc” At the end I made her agree to a communication break for a month, so she can have her space. A few days later I called her and told her I’ve accepted this, time will tell if we end up together. She said we both need time to put God back as our number one. After a week of radio silence she texts me this: “Hey, [my nickname]- I know I’m just not going to be ready to meet with you at the end of this month. I’m so sorry that I can’t, but thank you for understanding and for respecting our no-communication period. I will meet with [mutual friend] though so you can get your cable back. -[her nickname]” I replied with a “not going to put my life on hold for you, wish you all the best, call me if you change your mind” Did I make the right response to maximize our chances of getting back? I’m gonna move on and date other girls but I love this girl and who knows what the future holds. If it’s meant to be she’ll come back. Edited February 11, 2018 by Lovetoburn
ExpatInItaly Posted February 11, 2018 Posted February 11, 2018 Unfortunately, when someone breaks up with you with the reasons she gave, it doesn't matter too much what your response was (in terms of her coming back) She was already emotionally detaching and evidently wants to treat this as a break-up and not a break. For context how old are you both?
Author Lovetoburn Posted February 11, 2018 Author Posted February 11, 2018 We’re both 23, she’s been on lots of first dates but I’m the only boyfriend she’s had. The two weeks prior to the breakup I didn’t see her too much because of conflicting work schedules and I was out of town for two weekends. She said she loves me so much but she has to follow what God is telling her (she’s pretty Cristian). She made it clear it was a breakup. She said that she was certain I’m the one but then she started having doubts and insecurities and that God doesn’t want her to be confused. She said se doesn’t think we’ll end up together anymore but she didn’t say that we’d never get back together. We only had one fight and that was a mild texting back and forth about feminism that wouldnt have destroyed any other relationship but it probably made her lose some attraction for me. I just want to leave it open for the future. I’m not gonna blow up her phonr, it’s not the right approach.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 11, 2018 Posted February 11, 2018 I think there's more to her decision than she's letting on (ie. doubts for other reasons) but it sounds like she's trying not to give you false hope for reconciliation, either. I would try to focus on moving past her so that you don't get hurt again if she doesn't come back.
Marc878 Posted February 11, 2018 Posted February 11, 2018 She seeing some one else. Typical. Move on and don't look back. You should block her on everything now
Author Lovetoburn Posted February 11, 2018 Author Posted February 11, 2018 Thanks guys, not contacting her and moving on. If she texts me a year down the road and says “let’s get back together”, I’ll probably be with someone else. If she wanted me in her life she would make an effort to keep me there. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted February 11, 2018 Posted February 11, 2018 She seeing some one else. Typical. Move on and don't look back. You should block her on everything now That crossed my mind too, unfortunately.
Author Lovetoburn Posted February 11, 2018 Author Posted February 11, 2018 (edited) That crossed my mind too, unfortunately. Honestly she’s not the type. I know I sound naive but I think what it is is her anxiety issues coupled with the fact se stopped going to church and the honeymoon phase of the relationship has ended. We did a lot of sexual stuff and that’s pribably weighing heavily on her as well, she was raised conservative Christian with an overbearing mother. Whatever, if she did love me 100% she would have tried to fix things. Edited February 11, 2018 by Lovetoburn
d0nnivain Posted February 11, 2018 Posted February 11, 2018 I replied with a “not going to put my life on hold for you, wish you all the best, call me if you change your mind” Did I make the right response to maximize our chances of getting back? I’m gonna move on and date other girls but I love this girl and who knows what the future holds. If it’s meant to be she’ll come back. Honestly she’s not the type. I know I sound naive but I think what it is is her anxiety issues coupled with the fact se stopped going to church and the honeymoon phase of the relationship has ended. We did a lot of sexual stuff and that’s pribably weighing heavily on her as well, she was raised conservative Christian with an overbearing mother. Whatever, if she did love me 100% she would have tried to fix things. No that was not the right response. That response guarantees that she won't come back. You are not dealing with logic here. Taking her at her word, she was concerned that the path of your relationship which included sex outside of marriage & not going to Church was taking her away from God. What she wants to feel better about dating you is a BF who attends services with her on Sundays & is involved with the Church during the week. She probably would have enjoyed praying with you before every meal & doing Bible readings in the evening. If none of that appeals to you & you aren't as devout as she is, let her go pursue her faith.
Author Lovetoburn Posted February 11, 2018 Author Posted February 11, 2018 Okay to clarify a bit we never had intercourse and I never pushed her to do anything she didn’t want to. I think she just felt bad she couldn’t control her desires and she feels wrong about the physicality. I go to mass every Sunday and know that I’m not perfect. She was in Cru and volunteered at her church when we started dating but as the summer came and went she stopped going to church because she didn’t like the mean-spiritedness of her fellow “Christians”. When she says we both need time to put God back as number one that doesn’t mean that we’ll get back together when He’s back to number one. Seems clear to me she’s made up her mind. I can’t sit in her orbit until she gives me a definite no or yes about our relationship!
Coup La-La Posted February 11, 2018 Posted February 11, 2018 Put God back in your life? Are you a Satan worshiper? It's been my experience that women like that have no direction and/or clarity in their lives. If it weren't this, it would be something else that's petty and stupid. For your next relationship, find an Atheist, or at least Agnostic.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 11, 2018 Posted February 11, 2018 When she says we both need time to put God back as number one that doesn’t mean that we’ll get back together when He’s back to number one. Seems clear to me she’s made up her mind. I can’t sit in her orbit until she gives me a definite no or yes about our relationship! She already gave you a definite no, OP. Hence the break-up and canceling plans to meet you in a month. She's already made her decision, unfortunately.
Author Lovetoburn Posted February 11, 2018 Author Posted February 11, 2018 “The strongest negotiating position is to walk away” Alright folks today is Day 1 of the rest of my life.
d0nnivain Posted February 11, 2018 Posted February 11, 2018 You absolutely should not sit & wait for her. She's got to travel her own path to reconcile the real world with her spiritual beliefs. It sounds like she is confused. I wish her well on her journey but have no reason to believe it includes you. Sorry.
Author Lovetoburn Posted February 11, 2018 Author Posted February 11, 2018 You absolutely should not sit & wait for her. She's got to travel her own path to reconcile the real world with her spiritual beliefs. It sounds like she is confused. I wish her well on her journey but have no reason to believe it includes you. Sorry. Yeah I’m letting her go. I love her so much but it’s up to God if we end up together.
Author Lovetoburn Posted February 11, 2018 Author Posted February 11, 2018 She just texted out of the blue: “I think it’s best to respect our no communication period while we’re apart. “ ——- Okay. I’m doing no contact now and moving on? Wtf?
d0nnivain Posted February 11, 2018 Posted February 11, 2018 Give the lady what she wants. Just stop bothering with her. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted February 11, 2018 Posted February 11, 2018 She just texted out of the blue: “I think it’s best to respect our no communication period while we’re apart. “ ——- Okay. I’m doing no contact now and moving on? Wtf? Had you tried to contact her since the last message you sent?
Author Lovetoburn Posted February 11, 2018 Author Posted February 11, 2018 Had you tried to contact her since the last message you sent? Nope not since that text I sent her in the OP
ExpatInItaly Posted February 11, 2018 Posted February 11, 2018 Nope not since that text I sent her in the OP It seems a bit strange she would send you that message, I agree. But try not to read into it beyond her feeling like she needs to draw a clear boundary for herself.
Author Lovetoburn Posted February 11, 2018 Author Posted February 11, 2018 It seems a bit strange she would send you that message, I agree. But try not to read into it beyond her feeling like she needs to draw a clear boundary for herself. Yeah I won’t reply to it. And I’m gonna keep assuming that we’re over. period.
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