Should Ask Him?

[LoverOfDance]

Hi Guys,

 

I asked this guy (online) out on a date today. I chose the location. I didn't tell him what time to meet. I was hoping he would ask about the time if he really wanted to meet. He hasn't asked. Men, what do you think? Should I ask him what time he would like to meet? Does the fact that he is not asking mean that he could care less if we met up or not?

[basil67]

If you set up a date, do all the planning. Including suggesting location and time.

 

Anyway, has he responded to your request yet?

[LoverOfDance]

@basil67 Thanks for the reply. He responded to all my messages. I took your advice and asked him if he would like to meet at 7pm. I guess i'm concerned that setting up the entire thing is a sign that he is lukewarm in terms of interest and might not even show up.

 

I guess we'll see what happens.

[act00]

I find that if the man doesn't take the initiative, they're pretty lackluster on meeting or relationship. You put out the fact you don't plan on playing around with this perpetual texting, and let's meet...here/when...and this is good. See where it goes. You might get stood up...expect it. I hope I'm wrong.

[Miss Spider]

I agree with the above. That he didn’t ask for a time is a pretty ‘I can take or leave it’ attitude. But you guys haven’t met yet. It’s after the first meet that counts and he should up his enthusiasm

[olivetree]

When/if you meet, let him take it from there and pursue you.

[CrosstimbersOkie]

I find that if the man doesn't take the initiative, they're pretty lackluster on meeting or relationship. You put out the fact you don't plan on playing around with this perpetual texting, and let's meet...here/when...and this is good. See where it goes. You might get stood up...expect it. I hope I'm wrong.

 

That, or he's just scared.

[act00]

That, or he's just scared.

 

We're all scared, but don't you think what time is important? It would be my first question. "Do you have a time in mind? I won't be able to meet before 6." And depending on if it's a weeknight or weekend, "I can't be out past 8, early work, so meeting earlier would be best for me."

 

The OP should have presented a time or at least asked if what time would work for him, she's free to meet as early as 5...that sort of thing.

[CrosstimbersOkie]

Sure it's important. But anxiety can cause people to do things that are not in their interests.

 

It's always important to remember that what people say & do has more to do with their own issues & anxieties than with anything you've done. It's very easy to assume that because someone did this, or didn't do that, that it's a reflection of someone other than themselves.

[act00]

Sure it's important. But anxiety can cause people to do things that are not in their interests.

 

It's always important to remember that what people say & do has more to do with their own issues & anxieties than with anything you've done. It's very easy to assume that because someone did this, or didn't do that, that it's a reflection of someone other than themselves.

 

If your (general you) anxiety is so profound you can't ask, "What time were you thinking?" then I think you have bigger fish to fry. Anxiety can come across as judgmental, critical, rude, aloof, unfeeling, uncaring...this is reality, and as a first impression with someone you barely know or have never met in person, there may not be a lot of wiggle room. The guy/girl isn't interested...that's how it looks. No excuses, it's how it is presented. No one is thinking, I should just keep pushing because they might have anxiety...and frankly, why would someone want to take on that burden?

 

We're all scared. Look at the OP, scared, worried. She didn't make a full plan because she was fishing for the guy to take the lead, and he's not...anxiety? Not interested? Does she want to date a anxiety-ridden guy who can't say, "Sounds great! What time?" Or he's not interested. Which one?

 

No update on if he showed up, and if he'll take some initiative in the future or if things went well. Hoping for good news.