Jump to content

Is dating someone who recently got out of a 4 year relationship a waste of time?

Girl720

By Girl720
in Dating

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Girl720 Member

Girl720

Posted
Posted

Is it a waste of time or not so bad?

 

* Found out through a friend he just got out of a 4 year relationship and in his words: "I don't want a relationship for a while"

 

*Hasn't tried to have sex with me.

 

*Doesn't mention his ex.

 

*Nice, respectful, giggly.

 

I'm asking him next time I see him what are his intentions in dating. If he says he's not looking for a relationship, can you all help me with something good I can say to him?

 

I personally WANT a relationship, but I'm also not in a hurry or want to rush anything. I also don't do casual sex unless it's with someone I'm serious with.

 

What are some phrases I can say to him to let him know it's okay to NOT want a relationship, but I also don't want to be a rebound??

 

Keep in mind we don't know each other for so long, so I don't want to seem obsessive.

Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
Posted

Girl, move on. This guy is emotionally unavailable. He wants hookups and hangouts with girls. He said that on his profile. He does not want a relationship. If you want a relationship you are 100% wasting your time.

 

Look at other guys on Okcupid. There are tons of them. He ain't all that.

  • Like 1
  • Author
Girl720 Member

Girl720

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Girl, move on. This guy is emotionally unavailable. He wants hookups and hangouts with girls. He said that on his profile. He does not want a relationship. If you want a relationship you are 100% wasting your time.

 

Look at other guys on Okcupid. There are tons of them. He ain't all that.

 

How do I move on? I'm feeling so depressed. I haven't felt like this for someone in years. A few days ago I was gonna go out with a different guy and right after setting a date he said "butt sex is so relaxing btw". I just can't take anyone seriously now. Guys act so immature... and the first guy that I legit feel a connection with is carrying a long term relationship on his back. I just feel so lost.

YNWA Member

YNWA

Posted
Posted

I’m going through the same thing right now. She was in a 4 year relationship that ended a year ago but hopped into an 8 month one that ended 4 months ago and was emotionally draining for her. We’ve been seeing each other for a couple months but did have sex and we’re basically like a couple. I asked her if she wanted time to date other guys and be single which she wanted to think about and suddenly called me 9 days ago and tells me she’s not emotionally ready for a relationship which I understood...but I had gotten so attached it sucked...so I said it would be smart for us both to have some time and space to unwind...we haven’t spoken in 8 days...it was so hard for the first few days I balled my eyes out. It’s getting better now but I still think about it non stop. Things went too fast should have gone slower but I don’t want to just be a friend or friend with benefits since I got attached so I know I need time to let these feelings die down before talking again. I want to be either her too, she’s 23 I’m 30, so she’s been in a relationship since she was 17 pretty much so as much as it hurts I have to let her go for now. And if we meet again down the road then so be it

BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

Posted
Posted

If a guy tells you that he does not want a relationship, you would be wise to believe him.

 

Let him know that you are looking for someone to date who is interested in eventually having a serious relationship. If that is not what he wants, there is not much you can do.

  • Like 4
  • Author
Girl720 Member

Girl720

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I’m going through the same thing right now. She was in a 4 year relationship that ended a year ago but hopped into an 8 month one that ended 4 months ago and was emotionally draining for her. We’ve been seeing each other for a couple months but did have sex and we’re basically like a couple. I asked her if she wanted time to date other guys and be single which she wanted to think about and suddenly called me 9 days ago and tells me she’s not emotionally ready for a relationship which I understood...but I had gotten so attached it sucked...so I said it would be smart for us both to have some time and space to unwind...we haven’t spoken in 8 days...it was so hard for the first few days I balled my eyes out. It’s getting better now but I still think about it non stop. Things went too fast should have gone slower but I don’t want to just be a friend or friend with benefits since I got attached so I know I need time to let these feelings die down before talking again. I want to be either her too, she’s 23 I’m 30, so she’s been in a relationship since she was 17 pretty much so as much as it hurts I have to let her go for now. And if we meet again down the road then so be it

 

I'm sorry you're also going through this. I'm at the crying at night phase. I don't know how I can move on. What have you been doing to move on??

  • Author
Girl720 Member

Girl720

Posted
  • Author
Posted
If a guy tells you that he does not want a relationship, you would be wise to believe him.

 

Let him know that you are looking for someone to date who is interested in eventually having a serious relationship. If that is not what he wants, there is not much you can do.

 

I know. I just don't know how to phrase it when I see him in person.

central Established Member

central

Posted
Posted

He doesn't want a relationship now. That could change in a week, or never.

 

I left my marriage of 24 years, and was dating within a month. Dated a bunch of women, but among those, met my current wife within the first two months. That was 18 years ago.

 

My point? You have to look at every person and situation individually, and decide for that instance what to do. Rules of thumb may often work, but you may end up sitting on it, too.

  • Like 1
YNWA Member

YNWA

Posted
Posted (edited)
I'm sorry you're also going through this. I'm at the crying at night phase. I don't know how I can move on. What have you been doing to move on??

 

I was too, tears at night and in the morning. I let it all out last weekend...listen to the song, “Waiting for the end” and “shadow of the day” by Linkin Park, especially waiting for the end....and listen to those words...we’re holding onto something we don’t have...

 

You need to give yourself space to get rid of the attachment feelings so you can think logically about what is best...time heals everything as they say, the hard part is that it takes awhile and it can’t be a quick fix which we so desperately want...we are “waiting for the end” of the pain and hurt. I’m doing that now it’s been 8 days since we spoke and I no longer tear up or cry but it’s still on my mind a lot every day. Each day will get better with ups and days like waves of emotion hitting you but you have to wade through it. It’ll make you stronger and help you think more clearly without the attachment and desire clouding your mind.

 

I know that I made the right choice but good lord it’s breakinf my heart, our interests and personalities seemed to fit perfectly but you can’t force someone to be with you when they’de Going through a healing process and are emotionally unavailable. It hurts so much but we need to move on and focus on ourselves. They’ll respect it as well and who knows, down the road maybe it’ll be different and things could work out but you can’t hold onto that hope as you’ll never truly move on. Just that if it happens cool but if not you need to be okay with that as I do. I’m tearing up writing this Haha.

Edited by YNWA
Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

Posted
Posted

My brother met his now wife when he was only weeks out of 3 year living together relationship. He also told her he doesn't want a relationship due to a recent break up. She stuck it out (even though she wanted more) for about 6 months. They were casual during that time and both allowed to see other people.

 

My best friend is now married to a guy that only wanted FWB at the start.

 

I no longer believe that there are any rules.

Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

Posted
Posted (edited)
I'm sorry you're also going through this. I'm at the crying at night phase. I don't know how I can move on. What have you been doing to move on??

 

I am sorry you are hurting, but you have been on like 2 dates with this guy and you are crying???! This is the worst case of oneitis I have ever heard. I thought I got it bad for my ex. You are dealing with scarcity and over investment. You aren’t talking to enough interesting/attractive guys and thinking about this one too much. You were talking to another guy unethusiatically. He turned out to be a jack*** therefore not a fit, so then you move to the next one. don’t go back to another guy who is not a fit.

 

I get that you’re really into him but this guy hasn’t been showing hardly any interest, trying to hook up with your ‘friend’ and you think all will be well if you win him over. You are in for more hurt if you continue trying to stick it out. You need to go complete NC and keep looking. Are you still talking to him?

Edited by Cookiesandough
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...