Val230 Posted February 10, 2018 Posted February 10, 2018 (edited) So I recently got out of a LDR relationship. My ex and I dated for nearly a year and broke up a week and a half ago. I’ve only had 2 boyfriends and my first heartbreak was terrible. I was sad for months and it took me a long time to get over him. But this time around I don’t feel that bad about it. Our relationship was toxic so I guess I kinda feel relieved. I do miss my ex from time to time and I don’t resent him. But I think I’ve come to terms with the whole situation and became accepting of the fact that we are no longer together. Sure it still feels weird not having him in my life (him and I are NC at the moment) but I just know that us breaking up was the right decision. He’s the one who broke things off with me by the way. Anyway, I met a guy off tinder a couple days ago and we’ve been hitting it off pretty well... He asked me to hangout with him on Monday and I agreed. But I can’t help to feel as if I’m moving too fast? Is it wrong that I’m moving on so fast? It probably seems like I’m just rebounding but idk.. also, I’m wondering if I should bring this up to the guy I’m hanging out with. Today we were on the phone and he asked me how long my longest relationship was. I told him 11 months and was conflicted if I should’ve told him that I recently got out of that relationship. Should I let him know or just keep it to myself for now? I don’t want him to feel like he’s a rebound. I genuinely like him as a person. Edited February 10, 2018 by Val230
act00 Posted February 10, 2018 Posted February 10, 2018 How long after the breakup is different with every individual and with every relationship. There are many, many relationships where the separation, in mind and spirit, not physically, happened weeks and months ago, so the ability to get back out into the dating world is faster. For other people or relationships, especially if you were "blindsided" by the breakup, is going to take longer to heal. It sounds like you checked out and processed these emotions of loss long before the physical breakup occurred, so you are in a better place to leap back into the pool. Don't kid yourself that you won't go through a couple rebounds. Don't kid yourself that you're going to meet "Mr. Right" right away. Also, the fact that you are less than two weeks out of a breakup will be a red flag for many men, even if you are emotionally in a place to date...it is what it is...accept it. They'll give it a try or run for the hills. You can't control this. I recently dated a guy who was one year out of a serious relationship. That's good, right? He hadn't dated anyone in the interim. I was the first...red flag. He was friends with his ex who helped him through a difficult experience...another red flag. I gave it a shot with no expectations...rebound...but you never know what could transpire...and nothing happened. He suddenly got "busy," and it is what it is. I have had men express to me that it's a red flag that I hadn't dated in so many years after my divorce. It just wasn't working for me when I tried, and now my life allows it better, but everyone has their warning signs, and you just have to accept it. Hopefully change their mind if they give you a chance, but you can't fight their feelings or boundaries. If you're ready, go for it. Don't let dating get you down. It can be messy and painful and your history could have men falling away if they learn you're so recently out of a relationship. If you realize maybe you're not ready, take a break and try again later. 3
Lorenza Posted February 10, 2018 Posted February 10, 2018 I think it's too soon. Desicions tend to be clouded right after the breakup. I jumped right into a new relationship two times after messy breakups and both times I was blind to red flags and chose wrong people. It's good to take some time to reflect and analyse yourself and relationship that ended.
d0nnivain Posted February 10, 2018 Posted February 10, 2018 If you think you are moving too soon, you are moving too soon. However, if you were emotionally done with your LDR before you actually ended things, well, then date away.
olivetree Posted February 10, 2018 Posted February 10, 2018 I don't think a week and a half is long enough to know how you really feel. Toxic relationships take longer to heal from. You will probably feel like you're over your ex before you're over what went down in the relationship. Take some time for yourself before you get back into dating.
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