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What to expect?

Kentucky

By Kentucky
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Kentucky Member

Kentucky

Posted
Posted (edited)

I'm going on a third date with a girl tomorrow. And Sunday. She's coming here, I went to her town the first two times, she lives 100 miles away.

 

Today, she threw me for a loop, at first we were going to go to dinner, a paint class, and then she was going to make her way back to her hometown.

 

Early afternoon, she sends me a text saying she was worried about driving home tomorrow night - it's just going to be heavy rain - and that she was going to get an Air BNB and wanted to see if I'd go to Mass with her Sunday morning and spend early afternoon with her.

 

We're both religious, her a lot more than me, but she's okay with that, and we're both physically shy. The good stuff won't happen until engagement or marriage and I'm good with that. I do hope for a kiss tomorrow or Sunday, if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen, I'll read her body language.

 

I'm wondering if I should be prepared for the "where are we at this point" question?

 

I sent my first email Jan. 6 so we have been in contact for around a month, we went on our first date two weeks ago. If she brings it up, I'm good with becoming exclusive with her as I like her A LOT. We've hit it off.

 

I'm not going to bring it up until at least date five or six. Is it safe to call Saturday and Sunday as our third and fourth dates? Or is it combined into one? Some of my friends have told me I might want to bring up exclusivity sooner rather than later.

Edited by Kentucky
  • 1 month later...
PRW Established Member

PRW

Posted
Posted (edited)
I'm going on a third date

 

Early afternoon, she sends me a text saying she was worried about driving home tomorrow night - it's just going to be heavy rain - and that she was going to get an Air BNB and wanted to see if I'd go to Mass with her Sunday morning and spend early afternoon with her.

 

She's not comfortable driving 100 miles to hang out with you at your place after only the 3rd date. The weather forecast gave her the excuse she needed to act on how she already felt.

Smart girl.

 

I do hope for a kiss tomorrow or Sunday, if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen, I'll read her body language.

 

You're acting like the woman here. It is the woman that is supposed to be hoping he will kiss. It is the guy's job to take the lead and kiss her, after reading her signs of course, so you got the reading her idea correct.

 

I'm wondering if I should be prepared for the "where are we at this point" question?

 

After only 3 dates? Don't be stupid.

You're acting like the woman again. It is her job to bring up that conversation when she is ready for it. You're job is to agree or disagree to it when she does. "Worrying" and "wondering" are feminine energy characteristics,...don't be feminine. The guy's job is to set the dates make the plans then just hang out and have a good time.

 

...I like her A LOT. We've hit it off.

 

No, you're just giddy with the hormones jumping around. You don't even really know each other yet.

 

I'm not going to bring it up until at least date five or six.

 

No, you're not going to bring it up at all. She will do that around 7-8 weeks (basically 2 or more months),...and that is only if you don't screw things up in the meantime. The more mistakes you make, the longer it will take. Too, many mistakes and she will get flaky and you'll hear words like "I'm unsure", "I'm confused", and "I've just been so busy lately". Make more mistakes and you will get dumped.

 

Some of my friends have told me I might want to bring up exclusivity sooner rather than later.

 

You're friends probably suck with women and dating.

 

Worrying about exclusivity and "locking her down" show that you are in a state of fear, uncertainty, neediness, and have a scarcity mindset. Women can smell that on you like a porta-potty at a drunken carnival. It is feminine energy, very unattractive to women and you need to knock it off and get your act together. Your job is to be the man, be the solid rock to rely on, to feel safe with, and it is your job to set the date, makes the plans. Then just hangout have fun. Her job is to just show up and enjoy.

 

It is also her job to handle the feminine energy stuff, the wondering, the uncertainty, the exclusivity question, etc. So get out of her way and let her do her job. She's much better at it and better equipped to do it.

Edited by PRW
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted

Dear Kentucky,

 

She sounds like a great responsible woman. After only a couple of dates and the way she handles herself during your conversations between dates you already know this woman is something special and already some of her qualities that you enjoy.

 

Very few women will start the exclusivity talk. In our mind the men are hunters and we know an exclusivity talk will scare them away if they're not ready so we prefer to wait and that he comes up with it on his own. If a man offers us exclusivity then we know he is serious. My ex-boyfriend asked for exclusivity on our 3rd date and I was happy to say 'yes'. My current boyfriend it happened on our 5th date.

 

You said your girlfriend is very religious and attends church, would it be correct to say she is traditional? If yes, I assure 99.9% she will not address exclusivity, she will be waiting for you to do that.

 

Yes Saturday and Sunday can be counted as your 3rd and 4th date.

 

This woman likes you a lot if she is willing to drive 100km to see you and spend extra money to sleep in a hotel. Why don't you pay or share the cost of her room? It would be the gentleman way.

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