PrettyBoringGuy Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 My GF and I met through an internet dating site. I do not think we could be more different. She is very outgoing and has a million friends. I am very quiet, private, and can honestly say I do not have a single close friend other than my GF. I have always simply had a significant other as my only friend. She likes to go out and party, drink, and dance. That is about the last thing I would choose to do. I would prefer to have a quiet dinner, and watch a movie. I don't smoke, drink, or do drugs, and my dancing sucks, and I do not like to do things that I suck at, and make me self-conscious. I actually do like someone who has a bubbly personality perhaps to compensate for my conservativeness. She claims that she really doesnt like to party, and that she makes alot of friends because she has not found the right person in her life. Herein lies the problem. The right person to her is someone with success career-wise, and someone who likes to achieve and has ambition. I have worked very very hard in my life, and I am indeed ambitious. This means of course that I continue to spend alot of time devoted to my career, although I would point out that my major goal in life, is not to further my financial wealth, since I am already financially secure, but to contribue to charities in my community. She complains that because i spend so much time with my career that she feels the need to continue to go out and make new friends, and party, and she feels neglected. Quite frankly I am not sure I believe her since there have been times when we have travelled together to another city and she has chosen to go out and party with her friends till the wee hours while I stayed in the hotel room (by choice) and gone to bed. On the other side of the coin, I like the fact that she is very bubbly, but I feel as though she has not been truthful with me regarding her need to go out and socialize with others. I believe that she is simply a very sociable person and needs to do this. Quite frankly I do not want her to change for me, and think perhaps we are just not compatible.
sburtug03 Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 Rubbish! Me and my fella are the complete opposites of each other in practically every way. The only similarities we share are those concerned with morals and what we expect from each other. This is what has kept us together for the past three and a half years! If we were the same, it would be boring. We have completely different hobbies and interests like you, however we do them together. ('Variety is the spice of life!') We enjoy the time we spend together and apart, this is healthy. Yet spending too much time apart and not joining in each others activities, is not. When she goes out, occassionally go with her, when you stay in, she should too sometimes. Sharing your life with someone is what a relationship is all about. Enjoy it! x
ReluctantRomeo Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 Opposites attract. And you *learn* from each other.
sadfish Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 i now realise that my now-ex ( ) is everything that i am not...and those are things that i found/find the most attractive about him Didn't realise it at the time though, hence why we are broken up. And i wish i could tell him that i now understand why we had some friction, it was because i was envious of all those things (his outgoing personality, his confidence, his sense of responsibilty beyond his years, etc) that i struggle with. All our friends told us that we complimented each other well because of them, but i took those things too often as my insecurity issues and basically subconsciously sabotaged the relationship *sigh* What i wouldn't give to have another chance. So, don't think that opposites can't attract or work out, they *can*, you just have to recognise the things that make you different and embrace them before it's too late...like it is/was for me
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 I see you as the problem here, unless she is saying she doesn't want you to go out partying with her. You said that it's your choice to stay home and be Mr. Boring. You are choosing to neglect her, and in due time she is going to meet Mr. Fun if this keeps up. What do you think you need to do to make your gf feel happy and not neglected if dancing and partying are about the last thing you would do?
Pretty boring guy Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 In my defense, during our many hours of discussion prior to ever physically meeting one another, she was the one who said that she did not really want the party lifestyle, and could be happy staying at home, and occassionally having friends over. I made it very clear that going out to clubs, and bars was just not something I enjoyed, and would not want to do if we got together. Also, I do not like to socialize with many people that I do not know that well. Indeed I feel uncomfortable in loud noisy clubs. The one thing that I told her that I have not followed through on is getting dance lessons, although I think that is still something I would do for her.
Mr.positive Posted August 29, 2005 Posted August 29, 2005 I think you should try new things like dancing etc. It might not feel right at first and you might be nervous but just do it. You'll get over those insecurities. It's good to learn new things.
RecordProducer Posted August 29, 2005 Posted August 29, 2005 Being different is one thing, being incompatible is another. People can be very different and verty compatible at the same time. In my opinion, it's good to have mutual interests and hobbies. She is an extreme person with extreme desires and appreciates hedonistic life and success. She would be better off with someone who can give it to her. You on the other hand are modest and moderate in everything, you're not looking for adrenaline pumping activities that will take you high. You would probably be better off with a woman who is rather quiet and what we call "decent."
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