Do I ask for clarification??

[Renae]

I sent this as a last paragraph in a HUGE text message to a guy that I have been seeing for a while. He told me he wants to stop seeing me, after I brought up some feeling's I had about him being distant. I laid it all out for him, how I feel, how he acts, and basically that I think he is lying to himself about what he wants. The last paragraph was this....

 

BUT...It doesn't matter which one is the truth, because you told me you want to go.* That you are ready to move on.* And I am going to respect that, even if I don't believe that is true.* Don't think for a minute that I don't love you because I do and I am so thankful for everything. You have set the bar so high.* You've helped me grow so much.** Look at what I've accomplished, with you and all your atta girls to cheer me on. * Just know that I am always here if you find that you changed your mind.* If you figure it out.** If you decide that you want me to be in your life too.* You know how to reach me.* But the ball is in your court.* I will respect what you want.* I will let you go.

 

 

I sent this fully expecting to never hear from him again. Or at least for it to be days. Instead he messaged me 3 hours later saying that the roads were bad. He called me when he got home and acted like nothing had happened. He invited me over tomorrow night for dinner. I am so confused and feel like he owed me some sort of response. I can't just assume anything right? I know I should just ask but I am not sure how to approach it. I suck at this.

 

Thank you for anyone who got to this point. It was long.

[CC12]

Ask him if he got your text and what he thinks about it. He either didn't receive it, or he's purposely not addressing it. If he continues pretending it didn't happen, then I think you'll have an answer, in a way - he doesn't care to address it for whatever reason, so you should probably accept that and move forward.

 

To be honest, I'm not sure how I would respond if I got that message after breaking up with someone. I wouldn't really appreciate them telling me that I don't know what I want and that I'm lying to myself.

[Renae]

I didn't say directly that he was lying to himself, but his actions and words are worlds apart. Also he said he didn't know what he wanted. But something to think about forsure.

[basil67]

You wrote about things not working with a guy just a month ago http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/648196-intuition-just-not-interested

 

Is this the same guy?

[Renae]

You wrote about things not working with a guy just a month ago http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/648196-intuition-just-not-interested

 

Is this the same guy?

 

Nope different guy. First guy is nonexclusive.

[heavenonearth]

So a month ago you were with someone else and now you tell another guy in less than a month that you love them ?

 

Scary stuff.

[Renae]

So a month ago you were with someone else and now you tell another guy in less than a month that you love them ?

 

Scary stuff.

 

Totally not with someone a month ago. I never even met the other guy. We weren't even talking for that long. Like a week or so. That thread was about if I bail too soon.

 

I do love the first guy. I am not in love with him, nor do i want more from him. I just don't want our friendship/ whatever it is to end. It isn't an exclusive relatonship.

[olivetree]

He ditched you after you expressed your feelings about him being distant rather than reassuring you.

Then you poured your heart out (in future don't pump a guy up when he dumps you) and now he is acting like nothing happened.

 

Sounds like a guy who severely avoids conflict.

Is that someone you want to date?

[Miss Spider]

You sure you want to date someone that could care less if you go and might in fact be using any opportunity he can to lose you?

[Maggie4]

I don't think he read your long text. Probably just skimmed it going blah blah blah... then he called you instead.

(btw *I* read your post. Try not to write stuff like that, even if it's how you feel. Men don't know how to respond to that.)

[Michelle ma Belle]

I don't know...this all seems a bit off to me so my advice is get the clarification you need and know where you stand. Done.

[GorillaTheater]

I don't think he read your long text. Probably just skimmed it going blah blah blah... then he called you instead.

(btw *I* read your post. Try not to write stuff like that, even if it's how you feel. Men don't know how to respond to that.)

 

 

I wouldn't, that's for sure, not beyond "okay, thanks".

 

 

But then again, I wouldn't tell a woman that I wanted to stop seeing her, only to turn around and invite her to dinner shortly thereafter.

 

 

Seeking clarification of what the hell is going on seems reasonable. That is, if you care about what's going on. I'm not convinced that I would.

[Soul Bear]

I wouldn't, that's for sure, not beyond "okay, thanks".

 

 

But then again, I wouldn't tell a woman that I wanted to stop seeing her, only to turn around and invite her to dinner shortly thereafter.

 

 

Seeking clarification of what the hell is going on seems reasonable. That is, if you care about what's going on. I'm not convinced that I would.

 

I have to say he is right. Thays the kind of stuff you say in person or over the phone. Not in a text. The last thing you want to do when someone asks you for space is to smother them with a long text.

[basil67]

I'm a little confused with your timelines. How long had you been exclusive with guy #2? Given your writing about guy #1, it's probably only a couple of weeks.....if you're exclusive at all.

 

I ask because the length of relationship and how well you know each other would make a difference to your approach.

[Renae]

So for clarification. Guy number one and I have been dating for over a year with no exclusivity. He is free to date others, as am I. This is the guy I sent the message to. The reason I said I don't think he knows what he wants is because he has said he doesnt. I sent the message to basically say fine you have what you want, I won't contact you again. I really didn't think he would ever contact me after that.

 

Guy number two, who I posted about before I never even met. I talked to him for a week before he tried to set up a date and he is actually the one who ended bailing on the date.

 

Updatell I went over to his house and he didn't bring it up at all and acted like nothing changed. So not sure. She also invited me out for the weekend at a hotel with his friends. Weekend was great so not really sure where we still stand.

[Renae]

I have to say he is right. Thays the kind of stuff you say in person or over the phone. Not in a text. The last thing you want to do when someone asks you for space is to smother them with a long text.

 

We typically have those conversation over texts. He doesn't like talking about that kind of stuff at all. He isn't sure how to respond, especially in person. Ends up trying to comfort me without talking to not deal with it. So I've just learned that it works better if I text him and it gives him time to read and respond without feeling trapped.

[Renae]

I'm unsure how you go see him again when the issues weren't even discussed.

 

Now you've muddled the waters by doing different than your words.

 

You both seem to avoid conflict which isn't healthy.

 

Why didn't you bring up what you wanted to talk about?

 

 

If nothing else - this guy isn't long term material.

 

I didn't bring it up because I dinto want anything to change. I like what it is. He isn't long term material and I don't expect him to be. But that doesn't mean I don't care about what happens.

 

I didn't do different than my words. I put the ball in his court. I told him I wouldn't reach out to him. That if he changed his mind he knew how to get ahold of me.

[olivetree]

So for clarification. Guy number one and I have been dating for over a year with no exclusivity. He is free to date others, as am I. This is the guy I sent the message to. The reason I said I don't think he knows what he wants is because he has said he doesnt. I sent the message to basically say fine you have what you want, I won't contact you again. I really didn't think he would ever contact me after that.

 

Guy number two, who I posted about before I never even met. I talked to him for a week before he tried to set up a date and he is actually the one who ended bailing on the date.

 

Updatell I went over to his house and he didn't bring it up at all and acted like nothing changed. So not sure. She also invited me out for the weekend at a hotel with his friends. Weekend was great so not really sure where we still stand.

 

I think you should meet guy #3.

Someone brand new who is totally into you.

[Renae]

I am looking for guy #3. Easier said than done.