DMVeep Posted February 8, 2018 Posted February 8, 2018 I went on a first date last week with a really beautiful, interesting woman. We went to a German themed bar and had a beer. The date lasted about 2.5 hours. We each had a beer but she declined a second round. Her body language was closed for most of the date. I flirtatiously tapped her on the leg, shoulder, and arm a couple times. She didn’t recoil but also didn’t reciprocate. During the date, she mentioned she is more of an introvert and reserved in nature. I feel like I’ve been on similar dates in the past where women are highly precautious, but are actually interested despite having their guard up. After the date, I was confused if she was interested. I went ahead and sent her a couple texts and asked for a second date which she agreed to! The toughest thing I have found with women who give guarded body language is advancing things physically. When someone doesn’t respond to flirtatious touches, I don’t feel comfortable going for a kiss. Personally, I really respond to touch. I’ve dated two other woman who started off like this but things were tricky in the beginning, very difficult to read. Any tips for managing these types of people and getting closer to them?
Soul Bear Posted February 8, 2018 Posted February 8, 2018 Hair pulling, ass spanking and general teasing. But only in the bed
greymatter Posted February 8, 2018 Posted February 8, 2018 I went on a first date last week with a really beautiful, interesting woman. We went to a German themed bar and had a beer. The date lasted about 2.5 hours. We each had a beer but she declined a second round. Her body language was closed for most of the date. I flirtatiously tapped her on the leg, shoulder, and arm a couple times. She didn’t recoil but also didn’t reciprocate. During the date, she mentioned she is more of an introvert and reserved in nature. I feel like I’ve been on similar dates in the past where women are highly precautious, but are actually interested despite having their guard up. After the date, I was confused if she was interested. I went ahead and sent her a couple texts and asked for a second date which she agreed to! The toughest thing I have found with women who give guarded body language is advancing things physically. When someone doesn’t respond to flirtatious touches, I don’t feel comfortable going for a kiss. Personally, I really respond to touch. I’ve dated two other woman who started off like this but things were tricky in the beginning, very difficult to read. Any tips for managing these types of people and getting closer to them? Um, no. Don't try to "manage" women to engineer sex. Unless that is all you are looking for (good luck with that if so). Do you even want to get to know women you are dating or are you just looking for sex? It's hard to tell. What are your dating goals? 2
Author DMVeep Posted February 8, 2018 Author Posted February 8, 2018 Um, no. Don't try to "manage" women to engineer sex. Unless that is all you are looking for (good luck with that if so). Do you even want to get to know women you are dating or are you just looking for sex? It's hard to tell. What are your dating goals? My goal is the long term. I’m not looking for just sex, but also not looking for just a friend. I want to make sure we are both interested and I feel physical contact, even through holding hands has a powerful effect. However, some women seem to like to keep their space which confuses me.
Miss Spider Posted February 8, 2018 Posted February 8, 2018 Guarded body language usually means they don't want it to escalate. Whether they are just too nervous or they are not into you. Should be respected. 1
Soul Bear Posted February 8, 2018 Posted February 8, 2018 I have to agree with above. She's not just a cheap one night girl. She respects herself and you need to as well. She said yes to another date already so be happy and be respectful 1
Author DMVeep Posted February 8, 2018 Author Posted February 8, 2018 My goal is the long term. I’m not looking for just sex, but also not looking for just a friend. I want to make sure we are both interested and I feel physical contact, even through holding hands has a powerful effect. However, some women seem to like to keep their space which confuses me. What I mean is how to get them to open up and be more comfortable? Def not trying to take advantage of anyone.
greymatter Posted February 8, 2018 Posted February 8, 2018 What I mean is how to get them to open up and be more comfortable? Def not trying to take advantage of anyone. I'm glad you clarified. You have to accept people as they are, not try to change a reserved, introverted woman into someone who she is not. If you are attracted to someone who is reserved, you can make the date fun and interesting and have that be enough? If someone is closed off in body language, let it be and see how things go. Give things time to develop and just concentrate on getting to know your date. Otherwise you just might unintentionally create an uncomfortable dynamic.
Author DMVeep Posted February 8, 2018 Author Posted February 8, 2018 I'm glad you clarified. You have to accept people as they are, not try to change a reserved, introverted woman into someone who she is not. If you are attracted to someone who is reserved, you can make the date fun and interesting and have that be enough? If someone is closed off in body language, let it be and see how things go. Give things time to develop and just concentrate on getting to know your date. Otherwise you just might unintentionally create an uncomfortable dynamic. As I mentioned, a similar situation happened before. I had a long second date with a woman with a similar demeanor, who I actually ended up dating for six months. We actually discussed things in retrospect. She was actually bothered by the fact that I waited until we were parting ways in the subway before going for that first kiss. However, her body language had been closed and she was non-responsive to flirty touches in just the same way over a six hour days. Is it best just to assume they are interested and make the move for the kiss, even if there is a body language conflict? Are some folks not aware of body language? Some people just don’t respond to light touches?
Chilli Posted February 8, 2018 Posted February 8, 2018 Well ya could relax for a start. The way you said you tapped her leg shoulder and whatever it was God man sounds like you took along instructions how can you even remember that . And she's not that dumb she saw straight through it , she's sitting back to see what your really made of. But eh she wants to go out again so that's good , l'd just try to relax and have some fun , shyer people usually really surprise you in the end. But they ain't stupid either and usually see everything that's going on , so just be yourself.
newyorker11356 Posted February 8, 2018 Posted February 8, 2018 OP, I'm the same way in that touching is what I respond to. No surprise that physical touch and quality of time are my top two main love languages either, haha. The fact that she agreed to a 2nd date is a good sign, for now at least. 1
Author DMVeep Posted February 8, 2018 Author Posted February 8, 2018 As I mentioned, a similar situation happened before. I had a long second date with a woman with a similar demeanor, who I actually ended up dating for six months. We actually discussed things in retrospect. She was actually bothered by the fact that I waited until we were parting ways in the subway before going for that first kiss. However, her body language had been closed and she was non-responsive to flirty touches in just the same way over a six hour days. Is it best just to assume they are interested and make the move for the kiss, even if there is a body language conflict? Are some folks not aware of body language? Some people just don’t respond to light touches? Correction: *date
Miss Spider Posted February 8, 2018 Posted February 8, 2018 What exactly do you mean by guarded body language? Not everyone is flirty. By guarded, I thought you meant they were actively avoiding your advances(pulling away from your your touches for example?)
Author DMVeep Posted February 8, 2018 Author Posted February 8, 2018 What exactly do you mean by guarded body language? Not everyone is flirty. By guarded, I thought you meant they were actively avoiding your advances(pulling away from your your touches for example?) No, she didn’t pull away. She just didn’t engage them or reciprocate them. Again, these type of people I just find very hard to read and am never sure if they are interested. If she isn’t very expressive, is it ok to check in with her at times to make sure she is enjoying herself? 1
Miss Spider Posted February 8, 2018 Posted February 8, 2018 No, she didn’t pull away. She just didn’t engage them or reciprocate them. Again, these type of people I just find very hard to read and am never sure if they are interested. If she isn’t very expressive, is it ok to check in with her at times to make sure she is enjoying herself? I think you should escalate until they seem visibly uncomfortable/pull away. Assume they are interested until you know they are not. A kiss by the end of date 2 seems normal, if not belated these days. Some people have no flirt skills or body language literacy. At all.
No_Go Posted February 8, 2018 Posted February 8, 2018 I’m like your lady so I’d be reading carefully the advice you get. Internally I’m usually close to boiling point, and body language doesn’t really transmit it that way What worked for me was 1) extra pushy guys 2) extra patient guys. Everything else has been a no go! I went on a first date last week with a really beautiful, interesting woman. We went to a German themed bar and had a beer. The date lasted about 2.5 hours. We each had a beer but she declined a second round. Her body language was closed for most of the date. I flirtatiously tapped her on the leg, shoulder, and arm a couple times. She didn’t recoil but also didn’t reciprocate. During the date, she mentioned she is more of an introvert and reserved in nature. I feel like I’ve been on similar dates in the past where women are highly precautious, but are actually interested despite having their guard up. After the date, I was confused if she was interested. I went ahead and sent her a couple texts and asked for a second date which she agreed to! The toughest thing I have found with women who give guarded body language is advancing things physically. When someone doesn’t respond to flirtatious touches, I don’t feel comfortable going for a kiss. Personally, I really respond to touch. I’ve dated two other woman who started off like this but things were tricky in the beginning, very difficult to read. Any tips for managing these types of people and getting closer to them?
Kentucky Posted February 8, 2018 Posted February 8, 2018 I'm going on a third date with a woman who is an introvert. She's exactly like the girl you're seeing. We met on a religious website so I might not be able to get physical with her in any shape or form until we're exclusive which I'm thinking I will bring up date five or six assuming we make it that far. Just be patient, go at her pace, do not, please do not text her every day, I text my lady every other day. More times than not she'll initiate because she wants to hear from me. Don't pressure her to give you a kiss, don't pressure her to hold hands. My girl actions have shown to me that she feels safe with me. I know I will get the kiss I'm dying for eventually. For now, I'm having fun with her, and taking her on dates. The moral of the story is be patient or find somebody else you might be more compatible with. Let her level up the escalation when she's ready.
Maggie4 Posted February 8, 2018 Posted February 8, 2018 Not sure if this applies in your case. For me, it has to do with upbringing. I was brought up reserved in public and for me the little touches I consider rather improper for both men and women. But if a gentleman offers me his arm I'd take it no problem. It isn't the physical contact, it's the little touches that hint at promiscuity. If a boyfriend has his hand around my waist in public, that's fine. But if he moves his hand back and forth like a caress that's not ok. I think you can touch your date, for example reach out and hold her hand across the table, without stroking or little taps.
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