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It is over.

lynnspies1

By lynnspies1
in Infidelity

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lynnspies1 Established Member

lynnspies1

Posted
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It is over. After three times of him saying he would do NC, after MC, IC and trying to keep it together since Easter time. I found a second secret e-mail account that he had set up to talk to her with. He has been talking to her and making plans again to get together. They have not seen each other since Easter weekend. I wrote them both an e-mail (he is at work and has been talking with her from there) and said I would not longer participate in this sick twisted lie. I am done with them both. I want out.

 

He really thought he would be able to live the double life and thought that if I did not find out about him being with her and as long as I was happy with my marriage that it is fine to have her in his life. That might work on his planet but not mine.

 

I guess I will catch you on the flip side, I wish you all the best in working things out. I am going to take a break from LS for a while but I will touch base.

 

Lynn

Sal Paradise Established Member

Sal Paradise

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I'm so sorry that you married such a horrible man :(

whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

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Sorry that it came to this, but knowing now that he can't make a committment to you is better. He will regret his actions one day and it will be too late when he realizes it.

 

I'm sure this is a living hell but please don't forget to look after you. Go talk to somebody if need be.

 

A hug to you cuz you need one now.

Lil Honey

Lil Honey

Posted
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Lynnspies1:

 

How awful! After all that work on your part to make it work . . .

 

As WWIU said, take good care of YOU. But remember that there are people here that will "listen" when you need a shoulder.

 

Lil Honey

dresden Established Member

dresden

Posted
Posted

Oh Lynn, I am so sorry. I know exactly how you feel right now. Believe me, with a little time and distance it does start to get a bit better. My heart is with you as you go through the next weeks and try to find peace. My poor Lynnie. I am thinking of you dear.

mopar crazy Established Member

mopar crazy

Posted
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I am so very sorry. He is being a selfish, heartless a**h***!

 

I can't remember but are you two seperated? I know when H was having his A we were seperated but the EA started b4 he said he wanted a D. I had no clue he was in an EA w/ the OW. If I would of known I would of kicked his butt out and told him it was either me or her, he couldn't have both.

 

I agree w/ the other posters. It's time to take care of you right now. I know it's hard but there is help out there.

 

Plz keep posting if you need some support. Again, I am sorry.

onlyhuman Established Member

onlyhuman

Posted
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I've followed your story all along Lynn,

I feel for you! Feel good that you did everything possible, you can walk away with your head held high.Your husband will half to live with the knowledge that he coped out big time and was a cad to the end.

 

You deserve better and good things will come to you! Karma!

Dean3922 Established Member

Dean3922

Posted
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Now is the time to think of you. You did all you could but there is something within him that will not commit to you. The problem is his. All you can do is acknowledge that this part of your life is over and a new beginning is on the horizon.

 

You deserve better...:love:

JustBreathe Established Member

JustBreathe

Posted
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I know you are heartbroken and disgusted. You did all that you could and you can walk away from this knowing that you went the extra mile and then some.

 

What a wonderful way those two chose to start off their relationship! Lies, infidelity, and deceit. Isn't that nice? I wonder if they will ever be able to completely trust each other knowing that each of them is a cheater and a liar. I doubt it. One of the slags will wind up screwing around on the other one most likely.

 

I believe what goes around comes around and sometimes it really is true that the best way to get even with the OW is to go ahead and let her have him.

 

You'll be okay. What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger.

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lynnspies1 Established Member

lynnspies1

Posted
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I have been doing a lot of thinking the last few days. I have been sick with a very bad cold so I have been resting and taking care of myself. I wrote the OW and my H and told them everything that was on my mind. I explained to my H that it might be OK in his eyes to have an OW but it was not OK with me. I explained to him that for him to have any hope of rebuilding our marriage he has to give her up. He says he wants to but can't bring himself to let her go. His therapist even said on Friday that he has no chance of staying married to me or reconciliation with the OW in his life.

 

So, we went together as a family to an event on Sunday for his new job. The kids had a great time and I was withdrawn and not feeling well but still enjoyed being out with the kids. He told me he spoke with the OW and they agreed to cut off all contact for one month and then reevaluate the situation after that. We will still remain apart and I explained to him that after the month if he remained on NC and then kept it going past the one month mark we could return to MC but not until she is out of the picture.

 

I do miss him, I miss the physical contact and having some adult to talk to all the time. I don't miss the drama. I do wonder if he has been in contact with her. I wonder if they are making plans or getting closer together. I worry about the kids and the finacial impact of us splitting up. It is very sad and hard for me to think about. However in a strange sense I do feel a weight off my shoulders. I will keep you posted but I am trying not to log on to LS everyday. I need to not be vegging in front of the computer!

 

Thanks for all of your support, Lynn

dresden Established Member

dresden

Posted
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Lynn, I empathize with missing him, missing the physical contact, missing having another adult around. That was me this past weekend. But then I did a timeline off my posts here at LS and was shocked at how many times I asked my H to move out. How many times he lied to me (like every day!). How many times he dismissed my children and me to go screw his OW. How many times I cried, begged, stopped sleeping and eating.

 

Lynn, I should have cut him loose in early June. I could have saved myself so much pain.

 

Maybe you have given it all you should. Even though it is so excruciating to think of right now, the back-and-forth is a killer. Your hopes go up, your hopes go down. He is good, he is bad. What if the OW and he decide to start up again after the month? Then whatever peace and healing you may experience during that time will be lost.

 

Please think about this. If I could do it all over again, if I could have been braver and stronger, I would have changed the locks a long time ago. I feel like you have done this hard work already.

 

I am thinking of you sweetie. Be well.

Ladyjane14 Established Member

Ladyjane14

Posted
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I'm so sad for you.:( I find it pretty easy, for the most part....to walk a mile in another person's shoes. So, I can imagine how I'd feel if I were in yours. You must be feeling so anxious and conflicted.

 

On the one hand, there's so many reasons to do whatever you can to reconcile the marriage. There's children and mortgages. There's the remembrance of true love. There's even the urge to compete and WIN against OW.

 

On the other hand....there's got to be pure, unadulterated outrage. The kind that makes you want to kick his sorry, cheating butt to the curb and NEVER look back.

 

Cheaters engage in alot of "babble", but the nugget of truth that he's given you so far is this:

 

He says he wants to but can't bring himself to let her go.

 

He said it himself.....he's not ready to "let her go", and he won't. Not until he's ready. Or, until he wants something else even more.;)

 

You need a plan. And to have a plan, you need to know EXACTLY what it is that you want.

 

Think about that for awhile. When you can picture it.....we'll help you "plan" it. There are lots of folks here willing to put on their 'thinking caps' to help you. I'm just one of them.:)

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lynnspies1 Established Member

lynnspies1

Posted
  • Author
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It is a hard descision. I have so many things that I love about this man and visa versa. There really is not good answer. He told me today that he is very committed to not contacting her. He seems to not be depressed this time around. I wonder if the relationship has run its course and will die a natural death. It has made it easier that she is three hours away.

 

LJ, I have felt outrage in the course of this mess but honestly now I am just tired. I told him on Friday that I felt my love for him slipping away and that it scared me. I told him he has put his own needs and wants above everything else and he finaly was able to addmit that he had been selfish. It is ammazing what a person can do to weave a blanket of lies and deception and justify the behavior. It all seems fine to him. He thinks as long as I am in the dark about the OW and I am happy in all other aspects of my marriage, that should be good enough for me.

 

It is not good enough, he put me at risk. He risked my life and his so that he could get his rocks off. I can not accept this. If he wants to play the field, he is free to do so.

 

Talk to you all soon, Lynn

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