wyldflower Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 I have recently split up with my partner of 18 months. We lived together, spent every day together and share a dog. He is the sweetest, most kind, loyal, gentle and loving man a woman could wish for? So why did I leave? That's what i'm trying to work out. The main reason is an ex. I have not stopped thinking about my ex since day 1. At times I would go weeks without a thought, and promise myself I wouldn't contact him (as friends) and concentrate on my current relationship. But every time I crumbled. I just couldn't get him out of my head. The reasons behind our split were circumstantial and we both have always felt cheated. I saw him the other night, realised my feelings for him are way out of control, and felt it necessary to end things with my boyfriend. It wasn't that I expected to be swept away by my ex, although we did talk about it. It was more that my boyfriend didn't deserve to be with a woman who can't give him her whole heart. He was devastated. I didn't tell him about my feelings for the ex (I thought it was pointless tearing his heart out even more)... I just told him I didn't have the feelings for him that life partners should have. I know it sounds cliched, but I love his companionship and really want his friendship. I know I need to give him time and space to be hurt though. And this is where I am confused. I have cried non-stop for the past few days, have an unbearable sense of loneliness and can't eat. I am so stressed and miss him so much it hurts. But is this because I have made the wrong decision or because I am just lonely? The house feels so empty without him. I have lost my best friend. I just want to know how others have felt after a break up. My thoughts are so clouded. I know i should trust in my initial decision and why I got there in the first place. But it is hard to be logical when you've broken 2 hearts.
confused05 Posted September 6, 2005 Posted September 6, 2005 You should stay with your new man. You dumped our ex for a reason. This new man needs a chance. My girl just broke up with me. we dated for over a year and I think her ex had something to do with this. It sux. I treated her the best I could and he walked on her.. But she was never willing to let him go and that ruined us.. Give him a chance. Always remember exs are exs for a reason and this new guy should have the same chance your ex had once upon a time.
fundamental Posted September 6, 2005 Posted September 6, 2005 Now that you just broke up with your boyfriend and he is gone, you might realize how much he really means to you. If not, then it wasn't meant to be. Although what you did is probably hurting him very much, it's probably a good thing for him. He deserves someone that will love him... I'm not saying you are a bad person. It's just that you still have another man on your mind and it's not fair to your recent ex.
Zoey Posted September 6, 2005 Posted September 6, 2005 You obviously thought that there was something so wrong with your current that it was enough to end the relationship. I don't think that realization was easy to come by. Coming to this realization, and then telling your partner was probably one of the hardest thing that you've had to do in your life. No kidding that you feel lonely, sad, confused. BUT, do not discount your original feelings. Those feelings were there for a reason, and if you don't deal with them now, they will only resurface and create an even larger mess. There are lots of us on here that would give anything to get back together with an ex who has broken our hearts, even an ex who has broken our hearts and then had a long-term relationship with another person. Take some time for yourself right now to decipher your feelings. Don't go back with your partner "just because". Give yourself the time to make an informed decision...this is as much for you, as it is for them.
upsetnhurt Posted September 6, 2005 Posted September 6, 2005 Wyldflower, Sorry for all the questions yet your thread hits home with me as I am going through the same situation as the man you just broke up with and am devastated by it. In my case I had knowledge of my ex's ex and had to deal with his existence 24/7 throughout my relationship of a year plus. Are you saying that your recent ex had no knowledge of your interaction/feelings for your past ex? May I ask how long you had been dating the first ex and what caused the initial breakup? How long after that breakup did you remain single and attempt to heal from that loss prior to beginning a relationship with the second ex? Did you feel that you were emotionally free when you began the relationship? What exactly is it that is causing you to think about the first ex so much, is it that you can evision spending the rest of your life together or was the sex just that great? I know your feelings are probably unavoidable and I respect the decisions you have made yet I wonder if you have really sat back and reflected on what it is that you want for the future (potentially marriage, kids, etc)........Good people are hard find Wyldflower and you have to cherish those when you find them just as they cherish you. My hopes are that over time you will begin to feel this way too and will realize what it is that you have just lost.
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