Usename12 Posted February 7, 2018 Posted February 7, 2018 I've been doing OLD for a bit and have taken women to proper dates on the first meeting, usually some activity like the museum and dinner, sometimes just dinner. But now I'm feeling like that's maybe too much. It is already awkward meeting a stranger for the first time and more so if one or both isn't feeling the attraction. I've been talking to a woman online and we're agreeing to meet. My question is, do women feel like it is anti-climatic if I suggest just coffee? Are you expecting to be impressed by a guy's creativity on a first meeting? I don't want to make a bad first impression but also just want to talk for an hour or so and see if we have any attraction before going on a real 3-4 hour proper date.
dumbass2 Posted February 7, 2018 Posted February 7, 2018 For what it's worth, I went on a lot of online dates. I would always meet the women at a bar/restaurant for a happy hour. A drink and maybe an appetizer and if things progressed, then I would ask to move it the restaurant for dinner and if not, ended it after an hour. A couple of them went from the restaurant to a movie at the end if went real well. Had a few 4 hour first dates that lead to dating for a while and a few 6 month relationships. My current girlfriend (10 months) started at happy hour, went to dinner and then a stroll at the beach. I always planned dates where there was a second and third option close by. Never planned to spend too much for a first date. No fancy 5 star restaurant on a first date. For myself, I never planned a "coffee" date. I liked there to be a possibility for a little romance at the end of the date. 6
Jj66 Posted February 7, 2018 Posted February 7, 2018 For what it's worth, I went on a lot of online dates. I would always meet the women at a bar/restaurant for a happy hour. A drink and maybe an appetizer and if things progressed, then I would ask to move it the restaurant for dinner and if not, ended it after an hour. A couple of them went from the restaurant to a movie at the end if went real well. Had a few 4 hour first dates that lead to dating for a while and a few 6 month relationships. My current girlfriend (10 months) started at happy hour, went to dinner and then a stroll at the beach. I always planned dates where there was a second and third option close by. Never planned to spend too much for a first date. No fancy 5 star restaurant on a first date. For myself, I never planned a "coffee" date. I liked there to be a possibility for a little romance at the end of the date. Exactly. The meetup with optional continuation point is perfect for meeting a stranger. For example: Invite for cocktails. THEN if things are going well suggest dinner. This gives you both an easy out for those times when you just can't wait for the date to end. You hungry? How about I treat us to dinner. Oh, I'm sorry. I have to floss my cat at 8pm. Maybe some other time.
justwhoiam Posted February 7, 2018 Posted February 7, 2018 do women feel like it is anti-climatic if I suggest just coffee? It all depends on one's intentions... What are your intentions? Also, what if she doesn't like coffee? A Friday evening or Saturday evening have potential, because you can stay up till the wee hours, but might be a double-edged sword, because leaving after 30 minutes would be a letdown. Are you expecting to be impressed by a guy's creativity on a first meeting? Sure. Unless she's meh about him, in which case she just accepted the invite because she had nothing better to do... who knows. I don't want to make a bad first impression but also just want to talk for an hour or so and see if we have any attraction before going on a real 3-4 hour proper date. Then maybe you need to filter women a bit better, instead of giving any a chance.
act00 Posted February 7, 2018 Posted February 7, 2018 I'm the same that I like to meet for a drink, maybe get an appetizer and see where things go. On a weekend, it opens the door to staying out late, and if things go well, it can progress to dinner, movie, or other activities. If it doesn't go well, then you have a nice evening for an hour or two and head home. As far as anticlimactic or unplanned, as a woman, I would prefer just drinks or coffee, but admittedly, I would prefer the evening on a weekend in case things go well. I don't mind weeknights, but it stinks when things go well that the evening has to be cut short due to work in the morning, but if things don't go well, there's an easy end. I don't think you should worry too much about a grand first date with someone you've barely met on OLD. I think for the most part a "meet" is expected. It can be any activity that has an easy end, but some drink and maybe an app is a great way to get to know someone.
heavenonearth Posted February 7, 2018 Posted February 7, 2018 I say that 90% of my first dates (and there were A LOT OF THEM) took place at bars. Maybe 3% at restaurants, 2% at cafes and 5% elsewhere. ALCOHOL is the winner. Always. 2
d0nnivain Posted February 7, 2018 Posted February 7, 2018 If you actually read the tips for OLD on the various sites, they tell you to keep the 1st meet light, casual, quick & cheap for safety & well as financial reasons. So no, a woman is not going to be upset if you suggest coffee, a drink or something that is not dinner. Many may actually be put off by a dinner invitation. Here on LS I read so many posts by women who think dinner is too much. Oddly, when I did OLD the 3 guys I met all took me to dinner.
Author Usename12 Posted February 7, 2018 Author Posted February 7, 2018 It all depends on one's intentions... What are your intentions? Also, what if she doesn't like coffee? A Friday evening or Saturday evening have potential, because you can stay up till the wee hours, but might be a double-edged sword, because leaving after 30 minutes would be a letdown. Sure. Unless she's meh about him, in which case she just accepted the invite because she had nothing better to do... who knows. Then maybe you need to filter women a bit better, instead of giving any a chance. Thanks everyone for the replies. I think it's difficult to filter people online. Many women end up being different in person than what I expect, some better, some not. A few 2D images and a couple of messages won't encapsulate a person. As far as intentions, just seeing if there is chemistry. It's literally the first time I've talked to the person. Online dating isn't like meeting a woman at a bar and getting her number. At least there, you've both determined that there is some attraction before the first date. In some ways, I think of the first meeting from online like the initial bar encounter except that you planned it instead of happenstance. In the dating site PoF, there is a question about first dates. Some women have said coffee is boring. Do something more creative. That is part of why I brought up the question. 1
Miss Spider Posted February 7, 2018 Posted February 7, 2018 A person who likes or even agrees to a dinner first meet is one crazy sob xD. They must be a very adventurous sort who likes to make their life a social experiment. I feel like most of people online dating must have a little bit of this in them even to meet someone they've just seen a few photos and couple words of out of nowhere. It's a little scary for me even when I know escape is only a drink, some light talk, and a quick exit away....let alone drinks, an appetizer etc.etc.
smackie9 Posted February 7, 2018 Posted February 7, 2018 From what responses I have seen over the years, a 45 min coffee date is pretty standard for a "meet up". It makes things a lot easier. little money is spent, less expectations, you get to talk, feel each other out, and it's a short date. This is a plus if they are not what you had expected, you can suck it up for the 45 mins then get the hell out of there. 1
Kentucky Posted February 7, 2018 Posted February 7, 2018 I only do paid dating sites and I generally wait 7-10 days before asking them out. So, yes, my first meeting is a date and some go as long as two to three hours especially if we don't live in the same area.
sdraw108 Posted February 7, 2018 Posted February 7, 2018 I'll add another vote for meeting in a bar or pub. A quiet one where you can talk - not one with blaring music. I think it's preferable to a coffee shop. Most people like to have an alcoholic drink on a first date. A bar gives you that choice, whilst still allowing for the possibility of sticking to a soft drink or coffee.
alphamale Posted February 7, 2018 Posted February 7, 2018 meet for drinks at a bar or lounge on a sat or sun afternoon. if you hit it off you can also have dinner together. if not, you just go your separate ways after a couple of beers.
lurker74 Posted February 7, 2018 Posted February 7, 2018 FWIW, I try to avoid daytime coffee or even daytime drinks for a first meet just because it's been my experience that women (that's my target demographic) find things more sexually charged at night. Not that I sleep with anyone on a first meet but I've noticed that a coffee meet is often not a man's best foot forward. Yes, there are many exceptions, but that's been my experience. And movie on a first meet? Really? Sit next to each other and not talk for 2+ hours? Wonder whether to do the ol' stretch and reach around her shoulder thing? No thank you...I had enough of that awkwardness in high school. 1
alphamale Posted February 7, 2018 Posted February 7, 2018 And movie on a first meet? Really? Sit next to each other and not talk for 2+ hours? Wonder whether to do the ol' stretch and reach around her shoulder thing? No thank you...I had enough of that awkwardness in high school. hahaha, so true
kaitlynlily6 Posted February 7, 2018 Posted February 7, 2018 I like to keep it casual. Coffee or some drinks to start with. Then have plans ahead in case you feel the chemistry. Dinner and movies, a stroll elsewhere follows. 1
dumbass2 Posted February 8, 2018 Posted February 8, 2018 FWIW, I try to avoid daytime coffee or even daytime drinks for a first meet just because it's been my experience that women (that's my target demographic) find things more sexually charged at night. Not that I sleep with anyone on a first meet but I've noticed that a coffee meet is often not a man's best foot forward. Yes, there are many exceptions, but that's been my experience. And movie on a first meet? Really? Sit next to each other and not talk for 2+ hours? Wonder whether to do the ol' stretch and reach around her shoulder thing? No thank you...I had enough of that awkwardness in high school. Yep agree, just a movie alone on the first date is a bad move. The one time I included a movie on a first date was as option 3 after happy hour and then dinner, so yeah, you gotta get some talking in for sure.
alphamale Posted February 8, 2018 Posted February 8, 2018 Yep agree, just a movie alone on the first date is a bad move. The one time I included a movie on a first date was as option 3 after happy hour and then dinner, so yeah, you gotta get some talking in for sure. and what if the movie ends up being bad?? then your date associates you with something bad
d0nnivain Posted February 8, 2018 Posted February 8, 2018 Creative doesn't have to be full on dinner. Try meeting the person for ice cream or to play mini golf. Consider exploring a small museum near you. Offer a dessert picnic in warm weather.
alphamale Posted February 8, 2018 Posted February 8, 2018 Try meeting the person for ice cream ... it is like 10 degrees here
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