girlinNYC Posted February 6, 2018 Posted February 6, 2018 Following my previous post, within the month I’ve been talking to this guy and we’ve been on a date. All has been going well, apart from the last three days we have spoken daily, most of which he has initiated so I knew his interest level was high. Now I’m not so sure and it’s starting to hurt as I have developed some feelings. All last week he was alluding to a second date, so on the weekend I told him I’m free on certain days and am happy to catch up again. He agreed and said he wants to brainstorm something. I since haven’t heard anything in a few days, zero contact, so it makes me wonder why? He knows how chilled I am and that I don’t like blowing up people’s phones, so I won’t do that. On the same day he told me we are involved, again leads me to believe he wants us to progress but the past few days I’ve had no contact. Something funny happened today (relating to one of our harmless inside jokes) and I wanted to message and tell him, but the whole ‘what’s the point, if he wanted to talk to me he would’ thought came over me and I didn’t. It’s been slightly hard not talking over the past few days, especially off the back of him saying we’re involved and supposedly planning a second date but not keeping me in the loop. I don’t understand the logic..
lovephule Posted February 6, 2018 Posted February 6, 2018 I’d move on. Too much talking, not enough dating. As cerebral as you are, you may need to make a conscious, concerted effort to do the bulk of your evaluating based on what happens in the flesh. It sounds like he’s keeping you on a string and you’re likely in rotation. 3
FilterCoffee Posted February 6, 2018 Posted February 6, 2018 Just like how you’re gauging his interest by seeing how often he initiates, he must be doing the same to you. In your last thread you mentioned that he initiates 90% of the times so try to put yourself in his shoes and see what it’s like. Even though you’ve told him you don’t mind the daily contact, he must be thinking you’re lukewarm about the relationship and he may be testing his belief. GirlinNYC, guys also like it when the girl initiates. It gives us validation and confidence to put more into the relationship. Send him that message and see how he responds. 1
Flame Aura Posted February 6, 2018 Posted February 6, 2018 You overthink things way too much, bit like me actually haha. If you want to message him just message him!!! Nothing wrong with it. At least you will have your answer instead of just waiting around overthinking.
Tribble Posted February 6, 2018 Posted February 6, 2018 Something funny happened today (relating to one of our harmless inside jokes) and I wanted to message and tell him, but the whole ‘what’s the point, if he wanted to talk to me he would’ thought came over me and I didn’t. Why wouldn't he be thinking the same thing? Why is it all down to the guy to message you all the time? I'm not suggesting you take the lead (I like a guy to take the lead too), but you should be showing him you're interested just a little bit. Initiating a text is an easy, low-risk to do that. You aren't blowing up his phone, you aren't being needy. If he's cold or doesn't respond back, then you might have cause to worry. I don't get this chasing thing. You want to text, so do it!! 1
smackie9 Posted February 6, 2018 Posted February 6, 2018 How many times do we have to confirm you should move on? You date those who treat you the way you want to be treated....not some back burner girl, eh? 2
kendahke Posted February 6, 2018 Posted February 6, 2018 He moved long enough to make sure the hook was firmly planted in your cheek... he's gone to test his other baited lines and will be back around to check on your line. I'd say to not be around when he does come back around. He's lost interest and doesn't realize how loudly his actions are speaking for him. He'll say anything now to keep the hook in your cheek---but pay attention to his actions. Words are cheap. 4
winny Posted February 6, 2018 Posted February 6, 2018 You have already told him what days you are available for a second date. If he was interested he would have set up a date. You have made your interest and intentions sufficiently clear. At this point don't do anything. If he ever texts you back then ask him whats his deal. 1
Author girlinNYC Posted February 6, 2018 Author Posted February 6, 2018 Why wouldn't he be thinking the same thing? Why is it all down to the guy to message you all the time? I'm not suggesting you take the lead (I like a guy to take the lead too), but you should be showing him you're interested just a little bit. Initiating a text is an easy, low-risk to do that. You aren't blowing up his phone, you aren't being needy. If he's cold or doesn't respond back, then you might have cause to worry. I don't get this chasing thing. You want to text, so do it!! I know, last few days aside he has initiated a lot so I give credit where it’s due but I did tell him I was free to catch up again and have made conversation so that should make my intentions look self explainatory enough. He responded straight away to say he’ll brainstorm something but I haven’t heard a word.
kendahke Posted February 6, 2018 Posted February 6, 2018 I know, last few days aside he has initiated a lot so I give credit where it’s due but I did tell him I was free to catch up again and have made conversation so that should make my intentions look self explainatory enough. He responded straight away to say he’ll brainstorm something but I haven’t heard a word. Talk is cheap. Watch his actions. Does he behave like someone who wants to be with you, or does he behave as if he's taking your interest for granted? 2
she'stheone Posted February 6, 2018 Posted February 6, 2018 Hi girlinNYC, I'm sorry you're again struggling with your dating and so early on. You've been on one date with TALK of a second date. Whether to cut ties and move on is not really the issue here. You seem WAY TOO INVESTED already after just one date and some calls/texts. He knows how chilled I am and that I don’t like blowing up people’s phones, so I won’t do that. The thing is, you're not being chill at all. If you're nervous energy is this obvious on a forum like this, I promise you he's noticed it too. Contrary to popular belief, men do have intuition. It takes months to get to know someone and know if they are worthy of you. You are a goddess, as are all women. No goddess worries about what to do when some guy she barely knows doesn't ask for a second date. NEXT! I understand you have some self love issues (as we have discussed before), Stop TRYING to make it happen and it will. Have standards for men. If they don't meet your standards move on, plain and simple. Men respect women who respect themselves and they do NOT respect women who don't respect themselves. I promise you this girlinNYC, men know when a woman has low self-esteem. We just do. Some will take advantage of it (most don't) some will just not like it and move on. Let men chase you, believe it or not, it's what we really want (unless we have low self esteem or are players, none of which you want anyway). Work on loving yourself, do some personal development or spiritual work and the right men will begin to show up. I promise! Sending you much love and light 3
Author girlinNYC Posted February 6, 2018 Author Posted February 6, 2018 Hi girlinNYC, I'm sorry you're again struggling with your dating and so early on. You've been on one date with TALK of a second date. Whether to cut ties and move on is not really the issue here. You seem WAY TOO INVESTED already after just one date and some calls/texts. The thing is, you're not being chill at all. If you're nervous energy is this obvious on a forum like this, I promise you he's noticed it too. Contrary to popular belief, men do have intuition. It takes months to get to know someone and know if they are worthy of you. You are a goddess, as are all women. No goddess worries about what to do when some guy she barely knows doesn't ask for a second date. NEXT! I understand you have some self love issues (as we have discussed before), Stop TRYING to make it happen and it will. Have standards for men. If they don't meet your standards move on, plain and simple. Men respect women who respect themselves and they do NOT respect women who don't respect themselves. I promise you this girlinNYC, men know when a woman has low self-esteem. We just do. Some will take advantage of it (most don't) some will just not like it and move on. Let men chase you, believe it or not, it's what we really want (unless we have low self esteem or are players, none of which you want anyway). Work on loving yourself, do some personal development or spiritual work and the right men will begin to show up. I promise! Sending you much love and light It’s not a self love thing, I’m confused. He mentioned a second date, he then said he’d plan one and I haven’t heard anything in a few days. It isn’t something I’ve orchestrated in my head. He knows I’m a busy person but it doesn’t make me immune from feeling confused and wondering why.
Author girlinNYC Posted February 6, 2018 Author Posted February 6, 2018 Talk is cheap. Watch his actions. Does he behave like someone who wants to be with you, or does he behave as if he's taking your interest for granted? Exactly why I’m confused. He has shown more interest than anyone has for a long time, it’s why the last few days have been so pronounced.
justwhoiam Posted February 6, 2018 Posted February 6, 2018 Do I cut ties? What ties?? You just met him once. You're acting "cool", which to me sounds like whether you talk to him or not is no big deal. Or so you want us to believe...
Author girlinNYC Posted February 6, 2018 Author Posted February 6, 2018 What ties?? You just met him once. You're acting "cool", which to me sounds like whether you talk to him or not is no big deal. Or so you want us to believe... Ties ie association is clearly what I meant.
winny Posted February 6, 2018 Posted February 6, 2018 Let men chase you, believe it or not, it's what we really want (unless we have low self esteem or are players, none of which you want anyway). No one needs to chase anyone...men who like to chase are immature. Women who make men chase are even more immature. If two people are equally interested, there are no stupid chasing games. 6
she'stheone Posted February 6, 2018 Posted February 6, 2018 It’s not a self love thing, I’m confused. He mentioned a second date, he then said he’d plan one and I haven’t heard anything in a few days. It isn’t something I’ve orchestrated in my head. He knows I’m a busy person but it doesn’t make me immune from feeling confused and wondering why. I understand your frustration and I NEVER said it was in your head. If you weren't so emotionally invested already you wouldn't care. It wouldn't matter if he called you back or not, set up another date or not. There could be any number of reasons why he's doing what he's doing. I'm not going to rattle them off as they have no bearing here. If you loved yourself, truly loved yourself you wouldn't give this more than a moments thought and would have moved on already. That is not what's happening here. You want to know what went wrong, why did he say he's going to make plans and then didn't. Again, this is some random man who you've just met and barely know (I'm being kind when I say barely). Why should you give this man who is not treating you the way you want or deserve more than a moments passing thought as you go about your day? You shouldn't, but you are and it's because your so invested already. I know it's hard and I know you want someone in your life, you're trying too hard. Let me repeat myself again. You are a goddess, like all women and you deserve to be treated as one. Either you've forgotten how to be one or you never knew how. That's OK, do the work. Personal development and spiritual and become the goddess you were meant to be. Sending you much love and light 3
she'stheone Posted February 6, 2018 Posted February 6, 2018 No one needs to chase anyone...men who like to chase are immature. Women who make men chase are even more immature. If two people are equally interested, there are no stupid chasing games. Forgive me, I should have used a different word. When I said chase I meant pursue. I agree that we should never play game. I'm not saying anyone should. Most men, want to pursue a woman, it's not about immaturity (although in some cases I would agree with you) it's about being a man. (I might know something about this as I have been a male my whole life.) When I was first dating my love goddess, I pursued her. That is not to say that I initiated every contact or she played games with me. You are also taking what I said out of context. I was trying to explain to the OP that as a woman you should have standards for men (what those standards are is up to you). If as a woman, you want to pursue the man, initiate calls, texts and dates, that is perfectly OK. What I will tell you is MOST men (masculine energy) will not like it (they will think it makes a woman easy...please don't shoot the messenger). Some women have a more masculine energy which is fine, they need a man with a more feminine energy. I suspect the OP is more the feminine energy and so attracting a masculine energy male is where she would want him to pursue her, which again is what I meant when I said chase. Sending you much love and light 2
fieldoflavender Posted February 7, 2018 Posted February 7, 2018 I feel you - I had the same flaker do this to me but I cut ties tonight. Honestly, I get very angry when people give me b.s. reasons. Like you either want to see me or you don't. If it's not long distance, it just means you're not trying hard enough. Anyone makes time for the things that are important to them and the people who mean anything at all. I mean if your relatives are not dying, honestly you can show some level of motivation. Basically you were used as a back-up. I refuse to be used as a bench warmer. You can't have your cake and eat it too in life.
Author girlinNYC Posted February 7, 2018 Author Posted February 7, 2018 I feel you - I had the same flaker do this to me but I cut ties tonight. Honestly, I get very angry when people give me b.s. reasons. Like you either want to see me or you don't. If it's not long distance, it just means you're not trying hard enough. Anyone makes time for the things that are important to them and the people who mean anything at all. I mean if your relatives are not dying, honestly you can show some level of motivation. Basically you were used as a back-up. I refuse to be used as a bench warmer. You can't have your cake and eat it too in life. Good on you for doing that. I just don’t understand why he’d say we’re involved, tell me he’s planning a second date but hasn’t contacted me at all. I’d rather not hear it. I’m not going to message or call, but it’s equal parts confusing and frustrating.
kendahke Posted February 7, 2018 Posted February 7, 2018 Exactly why I’m confused. He has shown more interest than anyone has for a long time, it’s why the last few days have been so pronounced. There is nothing to be confused about. He changed his mind and is hoping you're a bright girl so he doesn't have to become the bad guy and spell it out for you. The fastest way to alleviate confusion is to ask a question. You may not like the answer, but you won't be confused any longer and you will know in which direction you place your next step.
Miss Spider Posted February 7, 2018 Posted February 7, 2018 I meant to put this comment here. He has been "brainstorming" the date idea for like 2 weeks now. This ought to be the date of a lifetime. He is not worth any more thought imo 1
Chilli Posted February 7, 2018 Posted February 7, 2018 (edited) Ya don't know what the hell anyones doin these days if the internet is anything to go by. No wonder so many people seem so confused all the time males or females. So now it's immature to go after the women you want . ln other threads it's man up go get her. Be confident do this do that. Text don't text , to much, not enough , bs, games ,my turn his turn don't message him even though his done most of it, holy Toledo . Thank God l don't take any notice of any of it but l do feel really sorry for all the people out there that this stuff is messing up. l miss the days when men were men and women were women and all this stuff was as natural as falling off a log. What a mess. Op , he could be playing the stupid internet games now, oh l've messaged more than her, now l wait. But the way he said brainstorm or work it out or what ever he said , sounded pretty practiced and rehearsed to me, like he's been reading too much internet too.But who knows. He might be fulla shyt though l think butttt, orrrr, he might be doing the internet thing too and waiting because he's done too much before now on the score board, who can effg know these days. But l'm one of the ones that's old school in this stuff thank God so really , if she had to chase me at the start then l must be fairly whatever about it or she wouldn't have too. But you could always message or call him, suck it up seems as he did it all before seems to be the way it works out there. See what he's got to say. Edited February 7, 2018 by Chilli
fieldoflavender Posted February 8, 2018 Posted February 8, 2018 He's too cowardly to tell that he changed his mind. We've all been there and done that. No proud of it, but sometimes it's easier to run away than to face someone and admit you yanked their chain and led them on and now you don't want to go ahead. But it's better now than 5-7 dates in or 7 years later right. Time to move on.
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