Slowlydrifting Posted February 5, 2018 Share Posted February 5, 2018 So so many dishonest people out there. It is incredibly disheartening. Just wrapped up what was a good month and a half of BS and lies. As a joke, called out this guy for being married. And the joke was on me because he still is. How can I avoid this? Do I need to see divorce papers at the first meeting? Ask for his social? This isn’t the first time and these guys are really good at having second lives. I am pretty smart but I think I need to start doing something different. Ugh! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 5, 2018 Share Posted February 5, 2018 OLD is a mixed bag. I wouldn't go in totally suspicious but people don't get the benefit of the doubt. You don't need to see the divorce papers or ask for a social security # but Google is your friend. Search the person. See what pops up. Ask Qs & make sure the answers make sense. Remember OLD is a single tool. Use other ways to meet people too. You may find better matches through personal connections. Best wishes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Slowlydrifting Posted February 5, 2018 Author Share Posted February 5, 2018 It’s becoming increasingly harder to trust anyone. I am google proficient but there’s only so much you can get from searches. I definitely find out more than I really need to know but not necessarily the most important facts. I just don’t know why there is such a lack of morals and respect from so many people. It’s sad. Thanks for the well wishes though Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted February 6, 2018 Share Posted February 6, 2018 So so many dishonest people out there. It is incredibly disheartening. Just wrapped up what was a good month and a half of BS and lies. As a joke, called out this guy for being married. And the joke was on me because he still is. How can I avoid this? Do I need to see divorce papers at the first meeting? Ask for his social? This isn’t the first time and these guys are really good at having second lives. I am pretty smart but I think I need to start doing something different. Ugh!++ Honestly, I think a big part is the pieces just don't fit together. Unfortunately you probably invest a few dates in this guy before you realize there is another side. I haven't gotten myself involved with a married man (that I know of) but in the beginning, there are things that always give me pause. They won't say what major crossroads they live on, which I always ask because I have a narrow radius on dating, meaning they have to live close enough we can see each other, and I would like to know a common, middle location to meet.They can't give defining answers on when they split or why, or there are discrepancies in the story.They avoid any major personal conversations that are pretty basic - How long have you been broken up, how many kids, do you have siblings, etc.You can't seem to nail down a work schedule that helps with meeting, generally.They travel a lot for business or have to leave overseas, military or something involved with military as a civilian contractor, making time zones and communication an issue.They prefer apps instead of texting over the normal phone number.They say a lot of flowery things and give a huge amount of history in the beginning, like how they grew up, their marriage, their child, but can't seem to tell you normal, basic, every day stuff.They're too busy to call or text due to their busy schedule or time zone.When first communicating on OLD, they avoid meeting in person. There are no guarantees here, and unfortunately you have to go out with someone before realizing things might not work out, and sometimes invest 1-2 months (hopefully not more) before you realize there's something else going on there and pieces aren't adding up. These guys (girls) have to be vague when discussing normal, every day stuff because they can't remember the lies or the story. I'm going to assume that you discovered this marriage in part because this guy was "busy with work" or "busy with the kids' activities" and you could never nail down the divorce dates, how long split, etc. I'm guessing you saw the signs, but ignored them for awhile because you seemed to hit it off, and he was very convincing...until you opened your eyes. They're not all jerks. You have to take it with a grain of salt in the beginning. One date at a time. I have a guy that fully ghosted me more than a year ago after two months of dating and I thought things were going well. He resurfaced as if nothing happened. I believe this is called "submarining." I am fully convinced the woman he's living with is not his sister. I have a history of "submariners." The other guy resurfaced after six months as if nothing happened. He would only text over an app on the second round of dating. I suspect another woman, possibly even his ex. I know his ex gave him a hard time when he knew he was dating. They had been separated/divorced awhile when he and I went out. The fact he would only use kik was problematic for me...and he was "busy". You won't know until you try. Unfortunately, that means setting yourself up for these frauds and heartache, but if you duck out when things don't add up, you spare yourself. One date at a time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jj66 Posted February 6, 2018 Share Posted February 6, 2018 Prefer phone calls over texting? First time you have sex make sure it's at his place? If someone had come to my place that could easily see there was no woman living there:lmao: One woman asked me where I was over text at around 10pm when I said home she asked if she could call. I said sure! We had already met before. I'm pretty sure she was just making sure there wasn't a wife or live in girlfriend in the picture. If I had said no that should have set off some alarm bells. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Slowlydrifting Posted February 6, 2018 Author Share Posted February 6, 2018 All good tips. Thanks for taking the time to compile them. Link to post Share on other sites
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