caring guy Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 A glimmer of light i see now!, most maybe know my situation of my relationship being rocky due to my issues now i'm sorting out & that my gf says i drove her to accept advances from another on a rare night out! My issues were due to my anxiety problem & i was self medicating with alcohol & now i realise the drink was making me worse & 35 days later i'm feeling much better. My gf saw me a couple of times & saw a difference in me & although too soon it was, i started to be pushy & we argued & i thought that was that, she just wanted to have a coffee & i couldn't hack it! A week of no contact & i was in the hairdressers & i noticed after that i'd 3 missed calls on my phone & it was her. I called her & she said she missed me, was confused, her kid had been away & was asking about me & she wanted to meet me. As i was in town i agreed & we had a great day, dor some reason i was cool she came to me, we hugged a lot, had coffee,, went to a bar, had a drink & she was resting her head on me & holding my knee. The thing was, SHE CAME TO ME!. I wasn't pushy, i'd had haircut, looked good & it worked. She was going to let me come round her house that night, but maybe not a good idea, as we may do something too soon & didn't want to rush things, the reason i wanted to stay was that we planned to go out the next day & it would be easier than me going home & then returning to hers the next day! Next day, i visited, bought flowers, but it's difficult at hers, as she needs to do choirs & i wanted to help & she wasn't as comfortable as she wasn't on neutral ground . It didn't go as well, but we hugged a lot, had some fun, larked around & talked a lot, occasionally about us & i mistakingly asked questions she couldn't answer, but i leaft on good terms with a hugg & kiss! & i love you's! We chatted on msn last night & all went well. She knows i love & am commited to her, but this other guy is on the scene & is seeing him occasionally, not much, he knows she is still seeing me & isn't happy, but thats her choice & i think she wants it to work with me, but needs to see my change more often, as understandably trust needs to be earned! We talked of wether i'm a mugg or a doormat & my gf doesn't think so, she isn't using me, she just met this guy at a low & i gave her that low, so i understand! With a friend, i talked to & we came to the conclusion with my friend that if i love her & if she's worth it to me, i have to go with my heart. This is a million miles from that 1st meetng after the split, a time i thought this would be impossible!, From her moving away from me when i pushed for a hugg to her holding me in that bar & holding hands, progress has been made! She doesn't want her kids to meet this guy & we plan to go out next week with the kids & she wants to see me on a trip to the coast & a hotel & then she can see me regularly & tell if my changes i'm working on so hard for myself & us are genuine & not just words! I see this as a second chance & as actions speak louder than words, time will show her & i pray that this can work!
dr strangelove Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 Look thats great and all.. sure maybe im jealous.. But you need to take steps to make sure these changes are permanent. I told you that she would call. I wish I could say the same about me. Ya the haircut thing worked too.. damn im good. So what steps are you taking to stick with these changes? What other changes do you have planned? Have you considered counselling?
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 actions speak louder than words They sure do. but this other guy is on the scene & is seeing him occasionally I hope that you will continue working on those things in your life, that can help you have a better future for yourself.
Author caring guy Posted August 26, 2005 Author Posted August 26, 2005 Dr strangelove Yeh, you were right, the haircut & her calling at the SAME time were coincidental, but i did think of what you wrote! Don't be jealous though, i can't get my hope s up too much, as it'l be a long way to fall! The changes, (sigh) well i do see a councellor to talk about my anxiety & i'm seeing someone about my alcohol thing, i know at times i drank too much & as she is a non-drinker, it was more of a problem, how stupid i was! Also i am going back to college to better myself as my dead end job was a problem to her, & when i thought of it, to me too! Lucrezia All my gf does is bring up the past when i'm concentrating on the present & future, this i don't blame her on, as it's all she has to go on & this is why my present & future actions are all i have to show her! As i say, i have a glimmer of light, a small foot in the door & my actions now in her presence are vital to get her back with me. I just need to be stand off-ish & not clingy & let her come to me, as that happened & worked before! maybe show her i'm cool & not 'in need ' of her, should i have a 'can't care less' attitude. I see her kids as a important point in this, she's told me that her son asks about me & if i'm there, so even when she says 6year olds forget & move on etc, she still thinks about his feelings towards me & how good we are all together & could be as a family together. Am i a doormat?, no according to my councelor, if i love her, i should prove it & hang on for her & go with my heart, i've offered my commitment to move in & share all 50/50 & i think she likes that as i got a cyberhugg after i said it, but she then sometimes regresses to the past & says 'why couldn't you do it before', what can i say, i should have, i made mistakes, was a jerk, i don't have a time machine!, my god i wish i had, as i think we all do! Thanks CG
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