Britishblue87 Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 Hey everyone looking for some advice Soooo whilst I was in Germany visiting family I met a guy on pof I’m british and live in England he’s American and he’s stationed in Germany. We went on a couple of dates and basically were inseparable and we are exclusive now. However there is a problem... I removed my pof profile and told him so which is the right thing to do. However he set his profile up for dating and making friends because he’s new to Germany. He’s changed his profile to friends only but I’m bothered. To me pof is a dating site. Sure you may date people and be better off as friends but to use it for friends only seems a little weird to me. The only people he will be attracting “friendship” is women and I’m worried about that Sure guys can have girl friends... but this feels different Am I just being insecure here? I can’t decide. I’m not comfortable that’s for sure.
PegNosePete Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 He is using a dating site to make friends? Pull the other one, it's got bells on. If you believe this, I have a bridge to sell you. He is shopping around for an upgrade. 3
Jj66 Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 Not appropriate in an exclusive relationship IMHO 2
justwhoiam Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 He’s changed his profile to friends only So now you'd be assuming that - in spite of stating he wants friends only - he will meet women for more than that? Possible, but in bad faith. Before he met you, he was free to see whom he wanted. Let it stay that way. Your relationship seems pretty fresh and you don't even know if and how it's gonna work. For how long have you been knowing him? How much time did you spend with him so far in person? And how often would you be able to go to Germany to see him? 1
d0nnivain Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 You make friends at MeetUp groups or by going out with coworkers, not on dating sites. You may think you are exclusive. He thinks you are in another country & what you don't know can't hurt him. 6
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 Yeah, that's what Meetup is for. POF is for dating. 2
Lorenza Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 Yeah, it's like watching porn clips for their storylines... 5
Maggie4 Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 You're not comfortable because he's not meeting your expectations. That doesn't mean he's a jerk, you're just not on the same page. When he changed his profile to friends, that's his compromise. You wanted the profile removed, he wanted it on, but met you "half" way (he'll get less success with friends only so that 's a little sacrifice there). You know that even if he removed the profile, he can still date women he finds in real life. Wanting to be exclusive has to happen naturally, and he's not there yet, slower than you. If you like him a lot, don't be angry with him, just be patient a bit longer and see if he catches up to you. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 I'm an expat abroad (hence my username) and let me tell you, there are plenty of other ways to meet friends in a new country. I am sorry OP, but I am afraid your instinct is correct. He is still on the lookout for other girls, under the guise of wanting "friends." POF is a dating site. If he is your boyfriend, he should no longer be on POF at all. 1
Gaeta Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 he’s American and he’s stationed in Germany. He is feeding you a lot of BS. First he's a military stationed on an American military base, he already has plenty of friends. He is using POF because he's wanting to attract other women, women he'll lie to just like he lied to you. 2
lurker74 Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 Like everyone else said, he's looking for a new friend...to put his penis into. I'm sorry that you have to go through this but at least you know.
d0nnivain Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 If he is American military then he has dozens of friends / brothers. He goes everywhere with them & does everything with them: eat, sleep, shower, goof off, fight etc. He's looking for NSA sex not friends. 3
heavenonearth Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 I do not believe him for a second. Next. 1
2much4 Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 I have used dating sites to get to know people when abroad. I wouldn't do it while in a relationship though. Even if you don't cheat, everybody will think you do and people won't take your relationship seriously. This would be a deal breaker for me.
kendahke Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 He's in the military--how many more friends does he need? I've heard of people using dating sites as ways to meet people of the opposite sex as friends... which leads me to believe that he's not as exclusively minded as you are if he's meeting only women friends and not males as friends, too. And he's in Germany and you're not, so he's only going to be as exclusive as his options allow him to be if he's going in a direction with this that you aren't. I'd put my profile back up until he's off that mess.
mortensorchid Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 I am wary of that myself. Those who are on dating websites are trying to find dates (Match, POF, etc.), and then there are social networking websites where the purpose was not to have you find a date but to "keep connected to friends" (Facebook, MySpace, etc.) which people can and do use to find dates. I am not, however, very trustful of others who go on dating websites saying they are only looking for friends. Or if you truly are looking for friends, which is fine, state the purpose in the profile language and should you be communicating with others, make that known to the party in question. I met a guy friend through Facebook (granted, not a dating website), he was/is married to his wife who I have met and get on with. He reached out to me because of that fact. Granted, he and I are fairly odd ducks and we are on the same wavelength, but that's an unusual case. Proceed with caution.
justwhoiam Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 How many of the posters who answered this thread are from the EU (born, raised and living in the EU)? Just wondering. The way you all talk is absurd. And I'm referring to those who claim that an American military guy stationed abroad is allowed to just mingle with his fellows. There's a culture gap here. The use of the POF site might be questionable, but most resorted to the guillotine without much scrutiny.
PegNosePete Posted February 6, 2018 Posted February 6, 2018 How many of the posters who answered this thread are from the EU[/b] (born, raised and living in the EU)? Quite a few, me included. The use of the POF site might be questionable, but most resorted to the guillotine without much scrutiny. Yes. Dating sites are for finding dates and/or sex. Anyone who tells you they are using it to find "friends", is 100% scamming you. Or simply omitting to tell you the benefits of the friendships they are finding.....
ExpatInItaly Posted February 6, 2018 Posted February 6, 2018 How many of the posters who answered this thread are from the EU (born, raised and living in the EU)? Just wondering. The way you all talk is absurd. And I'm referring to those who claim that an American military guy stationed abroad is allowed to just mingle with his fellows. There's a culture gap here. The use of the POF site might be questionable, but most resorted to the guillotine without much scrutiny. I was not born and raised here, but I have lived here for several years now. Dating sites are not for finding friends where I'm living either. That is not a cultural misunderstanding or culture gap. 1
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