Trunky Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 I was dating girl for 5 months and everything was going really well up until a few disagreements and me being a little bit needy when I was working abroad and she was back home she then said we need to cool it as it was getting a bit heavy. I then didn’t see her for a few weeks but then we arranged to meet up, I apologised for being needy and just said I’m not usually like that was just a bit confused and home sick whilst working abroad and my emotions got the better of me. We had a really good night after we got certain things we need to say out the way, she then kissed me later in the night but said it was a mistake . I then left her for a few more weeks but we just met up again on sat and we went out together and had a really good night she kissed me again but this time didn’t say anything like it was a mistake and then she asked me to stay at hers which I agreed but said I didn’t want to do anything as I want to gain her trust again and no need to rush . What should I do next ? I’m confused still ? Does she want to try again ?
ExpatInItaly Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 You want to gain her trust - in relation to what? You didn't betray her. This isn't a trust issue. Being needy is something different. In what ways were you needy when you were working abroad?
Author Trunky Posted February 5, 2018 Author Posted February 5, 2018 You want to gain her trust - in relation to what? You didn't betray her. This isn't a trust issue. Being needy is something different. In what ways were you needy when you were working abroad? Just I was missing her a lot so maybe contacted her about too much I’m not usually like that just about different when your away from home for 5 weeks on your own,just I see how much she likes me just don’t know how to approach it now but she kissed me and asked me to stay at hers ?
Author Trunky Posted February 5, 2018 Author Posted February 5, 2018 why are you chasing this girl? Why wouldn’t I make an effort to chase a girl I’ve fallen for I ain’t just going to give up am I
staggerlee71 Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 makes sense why do you have to regain trust
ExpatInItaly Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 Just I was missing her a lot so maybe contacted her about too much I’m not usually like that just about different when your away from home for 5 weeks on your own,just I see how much she likes me just don’t know how to approach it now but she kissed me and asked me to stay at hers ? How much are we talking here? I am trying to clarify what you and she both define as "needy" and whether or not that's truly why she called it off. 1
justwhoiam Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 Does she want to try again ? It looks like it. What should I do next ? Go with the flow. 1
Author Trunky Posted February 5, 2018 Author Posted February 5, 2018 How much are we talking here? I am trying to clarify what you and she both define as "needy" and whether or not that's truly why she called it off. Just talking more than usual then my emotions got the better off me and I told her things that were about strong and think they made her run away
d0nnivain Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 Schedule another date with her. She seems willing to spend time with her. When you are away be breezy & light in your communications, not needy. This isn't that hard. Just stop thinking that she's your whole world; it's too soon for that
Maggie4 Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 So you did stay at her house? Slept on the couch? What happened? How do you know she wanted to call it off previously because you were needy and not because of the disagreements? Did she call you "needy" or is that your self criticism? Don't live in the past, don't explain. Just be your normal self going forward. Ask her out. The way to gain someone's trust is to be consistent. People who go hot and cold (disappear, go silent) may get a bit of (actually negative) attention but they're never trusted that's why no relationship can come out of that.
Author Trunky Posted February 5, 2018 Author Posted February 5, 2018 So you did stay at her house? Slept on the couch? What happened? How do you know she wanted to call it off previously because you were needy and not because of the disagreements? Did she call you "needy" or is that your self criticism? Don't live in the past, don't explain. Just be your normal self going forward. Ask her out. The way to gain someone's trust is to be consistent. People who go hot and cold (disappear, go silent) may get a bit of (actually negative) attention but they're never trusted that's why no relationship can come out of that. Yeah she ask me to stay early in the night and I said no as thought be right thing to do ! Then we got taxi back together and I said I’ll carry taxi on to mine but she said you night as well just stay so I said I will but we’re not doing anything so we just slept in same bed and just kissed . It might of been something else she didn’t really explain just said timing was wrong I just thought it was because I was needy when I was away . 1
ExpatInItaly Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 Yeah she ask me to stay early in the night and I said no as thought be right thing to do ! Then we got taxi back together and I said I’ll carry taxi on to mine but she said you night as well just stay so I said I will but we’re not doing anything so we just slept in same bed and just kissed . It might of been something else she didn’t really explain just said timing was wrong I just thought it was because I was needy when I was away . So you don't actually know if "neediness" had anything to do with this? I can't really understand why you feel the need to regain her trust or not be needy when she apparently never indicated those were the problems. What were these "strong" things you said that you feel made her want to run away? And how many times a day were you attempting to contact her while you were gone? Be specific so we can have a clearer idea of what happened and where to go from here.
lurker74 Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 She wants a casual relationship (at least for now) and you want to move it along. This isn't that confusing...this type of thing has happened for decades and decades but for a long time, it was the men demurring. Spend time with her but have fun. Don't be fidegty or nervous. Don't stress about what she might be thinking. When she kisses you, bring her into your lips with your hand on her lower back (PLEASE don't be rapey...but try to be confident). Be the man that she wants you to be and if being that isn't what you want to be move on. In short, work on being fun and confident and she'll be more into you. Also, the next time she wants to have sex, have sex (assuming you actually are attracted to her).
Maggie4 Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 Well, she had you sleeping in her bed. I think she still wants to be with you. Sometimes people have other issues going on that are not related to you. Don't worry too much. See how it goes.
Author Trunky Posted February 5, 2018 Author Posted February 5, 2018 She wants a casual relationship (at least for now) and you want to move it along. This isn't that confusing...this type of thing has happened for decades and decades but for a long time, it was the men demurring. Spend time with her but have fun. Don't be fidegty or nervous. Don't stress about what she might be thinking. When she kisses you, bring her into your lips with your hand on her lower back (PLEASE don't be rapey...but try to be confident). Be the man that she wants you to be and if being that isn't what you want to be move on. In short, work on being fun and confident and she'll be more into you. Also, the next time she wants to have sex, have sex (assuming you actually are attracted to her). Yeah I’m well attracted to her I just thought it was like a test when she ask to stay over I think I was over thinking to be honest
justwhoiam Posted February 6, 2018 Posted February 6, 2018 If a guy did that to me, like I offered to share my bed, and he felt the need to point out that nothing will happen anyway, I would get totally weirded out, for lack of a better definition. I'd think to myself: WTF, I already totally regret offering in the first place, wth am I doing with him? Just me. I guess I would then take it back and say: "it's better you go home. Thanks." And it's not because I wanted to do anything. It's about spoiling the general mood. It'd turn from something nice to something awkward. And no one wants to feel awkward. 1
joseb Posted February 6, 2018 Posted February 6, 2018 If a guy did that to me, like I offered to share my bed, and he felt the need to point out that nothing will happen anyway, I would get totally weirded out, for lack of a better definition. I'd think to myself: WTF, I already totally regret offering in the first place, wth am I doing with him? Just me. I guess I would then take it back and say: "it's better you go home. Thanks." And it's not because I wanted to do anything. It's about spoiling the general mood. It'd turn from something nice to something awkward. And no one wants to feel awkward. I agree. Why would you do that.
Recommended Posts