Carlotte Posted February 4, 2018 Posted February 4, 2018 Hello, I met a guy on dating website. I enjoyed talking to him so we met. He seemed nice but I had a feeling that he is flirty type of guy. He said he wants to see me again and wanted to meet two days later (too soon for me). I said I don't think we are meant for each other because he is too extraverted for me but he said he is a calm person, that I had wrong impression, that he is really attracted to me physically and mentally, etc. Then I was busy with my job, didn' think of him much. However, I tend to reject most men I have a date with, there is always something wrong. I thought that maybe I jugded him too quickly. He said he will try to slow down if I want that, and he would love to see me again. I wanted to meet on Wednesday but he said he needs to meet his female friend who has some problems and he cannot move the meeting. Moreover, I see he is logged in the portal pretty much all the time. Should I give it a shot or it's just waste of time and he is lying he wants a relationship and likes me and he's just womanizer? Is every flirty man a womanizer? How to recognize them?
smackie9 Posted February 4, 2018 Posted February 4, 2018 As soon as they start to try to convince you are wrong, that's when you need to run. 2
Jennakay08 Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 Sometimes with OLD profiles it says online when they really are not, I know POF is like that. You may have judged him too quickly but if your gut is telling you something listen to it. 2
justwhoiam Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 Why don't you just tell him? Something like: I rule out men who like to date multiple women at the same time. Then see what he says. At that point, he has a choice, if he wants to see you again. Unless you don't like him. In which case, just decline his invitations and say you're simply not interested and wish him luck.
preraph Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 If you trust yourself to hold boundaries, then you can go out with him all you want. He sounds willing to be flexible at least. Why not get to know him a little. Ask him about his family, see if he comes from a happy family. But don't spend all your night interviewing him. Laugh and have fun and enjoy the flirtation. Whether you let it go any further is strictly up to you. 3
Jj66 Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 He tried to convince you not to kick him to the curb because you are wrong about him. I can't think of a single good reason why a self-respecting man would resort to that type of behavior for a woman he doesn't even know when there really are Plenty of Fish out there. He is trying to keep you on the hook? Why? 1
Author Carlotte Posted February 5, 2018 Author Posted February 5, 2018 He tried to convince you not to kick him to the curb because you are wrong about him. I can't think of a single good reason why a self-respecting man would resort to that type of behavior for a woman he doesn't even know when there really are Plenty of Fish out there. He is trying to keep you on the hook? Why? He wasn't very pushy about it but I also started to think that maybe I rejected him to quickly. However, that's something I was thinking about as well. He claims he really likes me but he may also think I am easy to manipulate or something
staggerlee71 Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 He tried to convince you not to kick him to the curb because you are wrong about him. I can't think of a single good reason why a self-respecting man would resort to that type of behavior for a woman he doesn't even know when there really are Plenty of Fish out there. He is trying to keep you on the hook? Why? Hold on, there are a million reasons why he would chase her. non of which have anything to do with self respect. now, on to your question. he is not a womanizer. you told him to beat it, he chased, you re-evaluated, offered a day, he was busy and told you why. stand up guy to me. he cant always work on your schedule. set a new date. and stop judging people so quickly. no one will check ALL your boxes. evaluate your flaws and see how the match with compatibilty 3
d0nnivain Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 No you should not go out with him again, not because of him but because of you. You are not open to dating. You are very closed & being nit picky. You want this to fail. You said it yourself you find fault with everybody. When he asked you out for two days later you found that to be too fast. Now you are annoyed that he's not available on your chosen date / time & you are not happy that he's still on a dating website. It's been 1 date; you rejected his offer for a 2nd date; you have been busy with work & unavailable. Of course he's looking at his other options. Yet you want to blame him for this not working for you. Until you are ready to come at dating from a positive, happy place where you want it to work & you are willing to give people the benefit of the doubt, dating will be a stress-filled unhappy & unfulfilling experience for you. 7
Author Carlotte Posted February 5, 2018 Author Posted February 5, 2018 No you should not go out with him again, not because of him but because of you. You are not open to dating. You are very closed & being nit picky. You want this to fail. You said it yourself you find fault with everybody. When he asked you out for two days later you found that to be too fast. Now you are annoyed that he's not available on your chosen date / time & you are not happy that he's still on a dating website. It's been 1 date; you rejected his offer for a 2nd date; you have been busy with work & unavailable. Of course he's looking at his other options. Yet you want to blame him for this not working for you. Until you are ready to come at dating from a positive, happy place where you want it to work & you are willing to give people the benefit of the doubt, dating will be a stress-filled unhappy & unfulfilling experience for you. Thanks for your message. I agree, I am very closed and I sabotage my potential relatioships but that is because I am too afraid to be hurt. The only part I do not agree with is that I am annoyed that he's not available on your chosen date. I am not annoyed at all, I just do not want to date someone who is seeing multiple women and I am afraid he does. When I start seeing someone I stop visiting dating websites and dating other people. I am asking for other opinions becasue obviously I have trust issues. However, maybe I did not find the right person.
d0nnivain Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 With a little introspection you may eventually figure out how to open yourself up & take a risk. People do get hurt when relationships end but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try. Take a break. Work on yourself. Build your self confidence. Become more at home in your own skin & develop a sense of how valuable you are as a partner. Then revisit the issue of dating. 1
Gaeta Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 Thanks for your message. I agree, I am very closed and I sabotage my potential relatioships but that is because I am too afraid to be hurt. Then you don't belong on a dating site. The only part I do not agree with is that I am annoyed that he's not available on your chosen date. I am not annoyed at all, I just do not want to date someone who is seeing multiple women and I am afraid he does. You met him ONCE, you are not *seeing each other* YET. When you go on 2-3 dates with him and you confirm he's the man you'd like to continue dating THEN you tell him you don't want to multi-date. You cannot ask a man to delete his profile because he went to meet you. A first meeting is not a date, it's just a meeting. I don't see what this guy did wrong. You didn't say he was pushy, you said he was a bit flirty. It's not a sin, it doesn't mean he's a womanizer. 6
Mrin Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 No you should not go out with him again, not because of him but because of you. You are not open to dating. You are very closed & being nit picky. You want this to fail. You said it yourself you find fault with everybody. When he asked you out for two days later you found that to be too fast. Now you are annoyed that he's not available on your chosen date / time & you are not happy that he's still on a dating website. It's been 1 date; you rejected his offer for a 2nd date; you have been busy with work & unavailable. Of course he's looking at his other options. Yet you want to blame him for this not working for you. Until you are ready to come at dating from a positive, happy place where you want it to work & you are willing to give people the benefit of the doubt, dating will be a stress-filled unhappy & unfulfilling experience for you. This. X 1,000. The issue here isn't him. It's you. He just sounds like an extroverted actively dating guy who liked you on your first date and wanted to see you again. 1
kaitlynlily6 Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 Sorry to say but maybe you're not a right fit for dating sites. Rarely can you find men who won't continue to meet other women until they find their perfect match and unfortunately it's to risky for someone serious in finding one. Listen to your instincts. If something's not right then maybe it's right. 1
smackie9 Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 I agree if you have fears of getting hurt, you are not ready for dating because it may happen anyways, it is what it is. I still say the guy is sketchy because he is trying to convince you that your instincts are wrong. maybe maybe not, but like I always say, if it doesn't feel right, then it's not.
Miss Spider Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 IDK if he's a player, but let's look at the facts. You rejected him, he persisted, then when you agreed to a date he said he's busy and he's on dating app constantly. Sounds like low interest at best. If you proceed with him, keep expectations really low. I also think girls should watch out for the real slick guys. Even the suavest guys usually get a little nervous/jumbled when they really like a woman.
kendahke Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 You are not open to dating. You are very closed & being nit picky. You want this to fail. You said it yourself you find fault with everybody. ^^^^^This. Right. Here^^^^^ He seemed nice but I had a feeling that he is flirty type of guy. But no proof--you already decided he was wrong because he was letting you know he liked you? OP you aren't in the right frame of mind to be dating anyone and that impacts how you choose to view this guy. Expectations of perfection and guarantees from strangers will shoot you in the foot every time. Besides, neither of these are available options to humans in this lifetime. These expectations need to be addressed---expectations are future resentments under construction. A reminder: a guy you've met only once and talked to on the phone a handful of times doesn't owe you devotion.
Author Carlotte Posted February 5, 2018 Author Posted February 5, 2018 IDK if he's a player, but let's look at the facts. You rejected him, he persisted, then when you agreed to a date he said he's busy and he's on dating app constantly. Sounds like low interest at best. If you proceed with him, keep expectations really low. I also think girls should watch out for the real slick guys. Even the suavest guys usually get a little nervous/jumbled when they really like a woman. I agree with you, I just don't understand why is he pretenting. I guess that's the part that makes him a "player". I will just end it and will look for a guys who are less smooth. However, thank you for all the reponses, all were valuable! 1
LovelyRose Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 I agree with you, I just don't understand why is he pretenting. I guess that's the part that makes him a "player". I will just end it and will look for a guys who are less smooth. However, thank you for all the reponses, all were valuable! You were advised to work on yourself first before dating. If you want to continue looking then I highly suggest staying out from dating app/site with the level of trust and confidence you have. I never used any dating site but I do meet people somehow. I don't go out that much either, but somehow I found a really great guy through my cousin. Good luck!
Author Carlotte Posted February 5, 2018 Author Posted February 5, 2018 You were advised to work on yourself first before dating. If you want to continue looking then I highly suggest staying out from dating app/site with the level of trust and confidence you have. I never used any dating site but I do meet people somehow. I don't go out that much either, but somehow I found a really great guy through my cousin. Good luck! I will work on it for sure, I am aware of my problems. However, I think that the place is not right for me. Especially that most men there do not look for anything serious even though they claim they do. Thanks for your message!
swenann991 Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 Hello, I met a guy on dating website. I enjoyed talking to him so we met. He seemed nice but I had a feeling that he is flirty type of guy. He said he wants to see me again and wanted to meet two days later (too soon for me). I said I don't think we are meant for each other because he is too extraverted for me but he said he is a calm person, that I had wrong impression, that he is really attracted to me physically and mentally, etc. Then I was busy with my job, didn' think of him much. However, I tend to reject most men I have a date with, there is always something wrong. I thought that maybe I jugded him too quickly. He said he will try to slow down if I want that, and he would love to see me again. I wanted to meet on Wednesday but he said he needs to meet his female friend who has some problems and he cannot move the meeting. Moreover, I see he is logged in the portal pretty much all the time. Should I give it a shot or it's just waste of time and he is lying he wants a relationship and likes me and he's just womanizer? Is every flirty man a womanizer? How to recognize them? Well, if you like him, give him a chance, what you can lose dear, and there is something to get On your place, I would do on that way
I'veseenbetterlol Posted February 6, 2018 Posted February 6, 2018 As soon as they start to try to convince you are wrong, that's when you need to run. Yep anytime a guy tries to tell me that he is better then other men, RED FLAG.
Jj66 Posted February 6, 2018 Posted February 6, 2018 Being smooth does not make you a player. Misleading people, pretending, telling them what they want to hear to get what you want makes you a player. Learn to tune your BS detector and you will see through almost everyone's game. 4
act00 Posted February 6, 2018 Posted February 6, 2018 (edited) Edit: Sorry, I mixed up members. I don't think a date two days later, on a weeknight, is too fast at all, but that's my opinion. If it's not working, it's not working, but I think you're throwing the baby out with the bathwater and not giving a guy a chance. People are busy, and things may not work out well, but if he's always too busy, you have your answer. Time to move on. Edited February 6, 2018 by act00
d0nnivain Posted February 6, 2018 Posted February 6, 2018 I will work on it for sure, I am aware of my problems. However, I think that the place is not right for me. Especially that most men there do not look for anything serious even though they claim they do. OLD makes things too easy so you do get insincere people. When I tried on line dating, I paid the money for e-harmony because it was the most expensive site out there & that questionnaire thing is a p.i.t.a. to complete. It takes a few hours. I figured with that level of required investment it would cut down on the number of people who only wanted casual. While I didn't meet my Mr. Right there (he ironically was on Match), every man I did encounter was a good guy on paper & seemed sincere. 1
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