stillafool Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 A guy I have been. Seeing off and on for 4 years I told him I wanted to be just platonic friends. Reason for me is I feel like I am waisting my time and I don't feel the relationship isn't heading where I want to go. Now I didn't tell him this. He hasn't even asked why? He just said once you go there you can't go back. Which I believe is BS bc people do it all the time... So the next thing he asked could be rent my mom's house I told him he can rent under one condition he has to respect how I feel about being platonic friends...he responded back LOL...I feel like if he wants to rent it what's the problem just say ok...I am trying to end things with him on that level like a mature adult.and on good terms...I almost feel like I have to ignore his phone calls and text message and never talk to him again...but I don't want to do it that way bc I care for him. Why haven't you told him this?
Author RN2017 Posted October 2, 2017 Author Posted October 2, 2017 Bc I have different people in my ear..one says don't show all your cards....then someone says tell him how you feel...then I feel that he doesn't feel the same...
Gaeta Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 Depends on individuals. If both are people with integrity that are honest and considerate, yes. The way you described your conversations with this guy I doubt he can offer you a friendship. He doesn't seem to care too much about what you're thinking and feeling.
hgriffin17 Posted October 2, 2017 Posted October 2, 2017 If you really want to be mature, you must respect his decision for not wanting to be friends. You can't force him to suppress his feelings, and you can't expect much from him too. You ended it. Remember that. You risk losing him forever. And that's just the way it goes sometimes.
The Urbanyst Posted October 3, 2017 Posted October 3, 2017 I see going from a sexual relationship to "friends" as a demotion. Kind of like being a manager at your job and being demoted to assistant. Once I'm attracted to a woman sexually, there is no other relationship I can have with her other than a sexual one. Being "friends" with women I would rather sleep with is not something I really have time for. If the sexual relationship doesn't work out, I just move on. There is no need to be enemies with the person, but there is also no need to settle. I know there are desperate people who will take whatever they can get.. so being friends works for them. I've never been like that though.
MajesticUnicorn Posted October 3, 2017 Posted October 3, 2017 I think it depends on the people. Generally it seems like one person will still be holding onto those feelings. I have remained amicable/friendly with guys I've slept with in the past, mostly because it was casual from the beginning. I don't go out of my way to talk to them though, because what's the point? I have plenty of friends I haven't slept with.
Author RN2017 Posted October 5, 2017 Author Posted October 5, 2017 I sent a text message saying this "What I was trying to say....is that I have love for you.. And you will always have a place in my heart.but I can't hold on to someone who I can't really be with .....And when I say move on..I don't mean with somebody else bc there is nobody in the picture right now I just mean letting go of our situation ship...." The other person says "oh. Ok I told you we are in the same boat" What does he mean????
EthanSPK Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 You should ask him. No one knows better than him, haha. (to be honest I have no friggin idea what he tried to say, it's quite ambiguous) 2
d0nnivain Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 He means that he is breaking up with you but that he hopes you two don't hate each other. Whatever he means it boils down to there is nothing here for you with him.
knabe Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 He probably means he is in the same boat as you. 1
Redhead14 Posted October 5, 2017 Posted October 5, 2017 I sent a text message saying this "What I was trying to say....is that I have love for you.. And you will always have a place in my heart.but I can't hold on to someone who I can't really be with .....And when I say move on..I don't mean with somebody else bc there is nobody in the picture right now I just mean letting go of our situation ship...." The other person says "oh. Ok I told you we are in the same boat" What does he mean???? He means he feels the same way -- he means he feels the same way you do and can't be with you. It's a mutual parting of the ways. He's telling you he can't be with you either. 1
Author RN2017 Posted January 26, 2018 Author Posted January 26, 2018 this guy I have been seeing off and on for few years. I basically called things off with him a few months back. It just wasn’t really working for me anymore. I explained everything to him because I do care for him. So he was not to happy but I thought he was okay with. First he said if I move on and it doesn’t work out then I can’t come back then he said he will always be here for me. Which on is it? So a few months went by and he called and text every now and then. So he kept asking to see me and I honestly kept avoiding him. So I finally gave in and we met up and we ended up having sex. We talked before and after. The next day he text me and said he feels used. I said why he said bc I didn’t call or text him. I was like I was busy and working. What about you he said he figured I was home already and he knew I couldn’t talk. I am confused why he would text that and why would a guy feel used?
act00 Posted January 26, 2018 Posted January 26, 2018 What do you mean by him saying you were "home already and couldn't talk." This seems contradictory. If you're home, wouldn't that mean you were available to talk? You said you talked before and after your sexual encounter, but then you state that he felt used because you weren't texting and you stated you were too busy. Did you talk or not? Did you blow him off after or not? You stated you avoided him, then gave in to him, and then had sex....and it sounds like you went back to avoiding him. It doesn't sound like you communicated with him much. He was relentless in his pursuit of you, you gave in, had a good time, then proceeded back to your ways of avoiding...and he feels used. This is how it sounds. Look, if you're not interested, don't talk to him anymore. Don't respond to his texts. Tell him it's over and drop it. Block if you must, but don't lead him on, don't "give in" and then change your mind, and don't chat with him and then be "too busy" after you get what you want out of him. He feels used because for a short period of time you appeared interested, you slept with him, making him think you were into him, and then you blew him off again. How would you feel? 1
Highndry Posted January 26, 2018 Posted January 26, 2018 Why did you go back and sleep with the guy? It's obvious when you broke up with him that he was hurt and still wanted you, given what he said. You are being selfish, and it sounds like you did use him, to be honest. 1
SevenCity Posted January 26, 2018 Posted January 26, 2018 Men can feel used when their expectations are not met. It can happen when they pay for a date and the woman doesn't want to see them again , and when they want a relationship and the woman just wants sex. Pretty much similar to how women feel.
LilySun Posted January 26, 2018 Posted January 26, 2018 You confused the guy. Avoiding him then sleeping with him wouldn't you be confused too? Don't just avoid him, if you want him to stop contacting you just tell him so. And it would be adult of you to apologize for the confusion. Don't sleep with a guy you have no interest in when you know he wants more. It's really kind of cruel. 1
Author RN2017 Posted February 4, 2018 Author Posted February 4, 2018 I was suppose to meet up with this guy tonight who I have known for years. So yesterday he asked when was he going to see me I said when are you available he said that he was free. I said either Saturday or Sunday he said Saturday. I said ok. I will text you with the time. So Saturday came and he text me and asked what time. I texted back in an hour and said 630 he said ok why so early I said ok 7 . He never responded so I called him around 630 and said are we meeting at 7 and he said he was just waking up let’s do 8 . I said ok . 10 mins before 8 he text and says his head is killing him. Now granted he has suffered from headaches in the past and suffers from high blood pressure so I said ok take something and get rest meet another time. He said ok thanks. But something kept bothering me about this. So I did a drive by his house and just so happen he is comeing out the car with his son and he sees me. So now he calls me twice. So I call back and long story short he says he went to get something to eat bc of his headache. I told well since he has a headache he doesn’t need to talk go get some rest.... bc I am pissed off at this point. He said he is not finish talking I said there is nothing to talk about good night he says alright later. Did he just play me or is he telling the truth.
MidwestUSA Posted February 4, 2018 Posted February 4, 2018 You're not a priority to him, obviously. He may or may not have a headache, but that's not the point. Don't even bother with a guy who can't make definite plans a day in advance and have the courtesy to keep you updated, unless you enjoy being a last minute hang out buddy. He's 'not finished talking', LOL! He sounds like a real winner. 1
Chilli Posted February 4, 2018 Posted February 4, 2018 he might not have played you l get migraines and food def helps but also you just hope sometimes you can make something like this so you wait hoping it clears a little bit and you can still go ahead. So it's a maybe or a maybe not , few days should tell though because he should still wanna push to go out with you so you should hear from him soon if he was legit. But l'd be thinking more you've known each other yrs , so why hasn't it happened sooner , might be just a convenient fill in for you and for him.
d0nnivain Posted February 4, 2018 Posted February 4, 2018 I don't think he played you. That is deliberate & mean. I don't see that here at all. I also don't think he cares about you. It was at best an optional thing, not a priority. He used the headache as an excuse. Leave him be & never count on him again. He's not a guy who makes plans nor is he one who keeps those plans.
act00 Posted February 4, 2018 Posted February 4, 2018 I don't know the history, but if this last minute cancellation is a consistent problem, don't pursue this relationship anymore. If he's not into you, he's not into you. Going out to get something to eat with his son seems perfectly reasonable, guessing he did not want to cook. However, I would find the whole situation more palatable if they went to get takeout and not dine at the restaurant...not sure what happened in this situation. I can see not wanting to go out on a date with a raging headache, and with family, it's different. This is his kid. The situation as a whole seems a little shady. He changed his mind, first just waking up so pushed back the time, then developing a headache. How old is his kid? Can the kid stay home alone? Did the babysitter bail. Was the kid supposed to be with mom? Did he just decide he'd rather spend time with the kid? Your choice if you believe him or not. It's the consistency of the behavior that you pay attention to. Was this a one-off, or does he do this a lot?
Author RN2017 Posted February 5, 2018 Author Posted February 5, 2018 No there was no babysitting issues at all I am sure of that. It seems like they had take out. He called and text me the next day wanting to meet up. So maybe he really was not feeling well. I do feel a little stupid now. But I have different people in my ear about him and our friendship. Plus he is so closed off and no expressive about how he feels towards me I just am freaking out. Maybe what My guy friend strictly platonic is saying to me is getting in my head.
newheart Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 (edited) Am I the only one who cringed that she did a drive by to check on him? And, he saw this and didn't even question it? (Is this like a normal thing people do? lol) Unless he lives on a very major road, I would think that he would be disturbed by this. I have kids - if it were me and I weren't feeling well, I still need to eat and feed my kids. I could see getting takeout as a reasonable option in this situation. If I cancelled and then saw the person driving by my house, I would be concerned that they were so untrusting (and perhaps a bit stalkerish). Maybe I am weird, lol. Anyway, OP, if this is the same guy as the previous thread, there is some history of drama - do you really want to waste your time and energy on someone that you feel compelled to drive by their house to check whether they are lying or not? Edited February 5, 2018 by newheart 3
Miss Spider Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 (edited) Am I the only one who cringed that she did a drive by to check on him? And, he saw this and didn't even question it? Maybe I am weird, lol. then I am weird too. WT?? That is stalkery and not normal at all. Yet he did not even think it was out of the ordinary, which says a lot. OP, move on to someone you trust enough not to flake out and lie about. Why you allow to be strung along for years by this guy is a real stumper. Edited February 5, 2018 by Cookiesandough
act00 Posted February 6, 2018 Posted February 6, 2018 Am I the only one who cringed that she did a drive by to check on him? And, he saw this and didn't even question it? (Is this like a normal thing people do? lol) Unless he lives on a very major road, I would think that he would be disturbed by this. I have kids - if it were me and I weren't feeling well, I still need to eat and feed my kids. I could see getting takeout as a reasonable option in this situation. If I cancelled and then saw the person driving by my house, I would be concerned that they were so untrusting (and perhaps a bit stalkerish). Maybe I am weird, lol. Anyway, OP, if this is the same guy as the previous thread, there is some history of drama - do you really want to waste your time and energy on someone that you feel compelled to drive by their house to check whether they are lying or not? Yes, I questioned this too, but the OP didn't bring up any conflict around this, that I didn't address it as an issue, as it is possible that they live enough in the vicinity of each other that her driving by the house might not be insane and stalkerish. Yes, she got caught doing a drive-by, and yes, it is extreme, and I can see myself reducing myself to it...and one questions the relationship if this becomes a need or requirement...not a good sign.
Recommended Posts