city_slicker Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 My partner and I have been together two years now. It’s a great relationship – we’re loving, honest and seem to compatible. Or, so I thought. Thing is, he’s an honest, blue-collar kind of guy from the country. That's part of the attraction. However, like all country folks, he has some disrespect for the city and the "spoilt, soft" people who live in it. As such, he mocks us urbanites and various city-type professionals a lot. I’ve always taken it in my stride – after all, I'll admit I'm spoilt, and my chosen profession is one of those you find pages of jokes about on the net, so I’ve learned to approach life with a sense of humour. Heck, I mock my own lifestyle and profession! But I've found that I am unable to make the same kinds of jokes about his profession or background without earning an argumentative or defensive response. This is beginning to grate, especially as he mocks my profession around our friends, which makes me look like some kind of overly tolerant idiot with no self-respect. Talking to him about it doesn't seem to get him to stop - at least, not for long. He thinks I'm overreacting - soemthing he says in all seriousness, without reflecting on his own lack of a sense of humour when people insult his background or career! The cincher lately, however, has been a large number of misogynistic comments he has started to make about women. For instance, I told him I wasn’t keen on going to a party of one of his work friends. Not only would it mean taking an afternoon off work, but I always feel out of place amongst his workmates. They are all men, and dislike women tagging along, and they all have stay at home wives, so I get stuck in the kitchen with women who talk about décor and their babies, and I have no interest in either. His response: “that’s what women do.” He made a grossly offensive comment about women in the military and army-issued hair clips. When he saw one of the pilots of the space shuttle was a woman, he said, in all seriousness, “you’re kidding! That’s why they’re crashing!” He said he couldn’t vote for his usual political party because the candidate was female. He hates his female boss and is positive she got their through affirmative action and borderline disobeys her and boasts about it. Now, I have no doubt that there are many men who think similar things. But how many would lack the self awareness to censor their thoughts around their girlfriends? I should say, none of this sexism is displayed toward me. For the most part, he’s devoted, respectful and kind. In fact, he’s pretty extraordinary as far as boyfriends go. Moreover, to be fair, he even dealt with my now earning a a lot more than him fairly well (he was grumpy and embarrassed at first, but I told him to get over it and he did). But I wonder how long his love for me is going to last. Telling me I’m not like other city people or women or whatever is all well and good as an intended compliment, but it’s actually deeply insulting, and I wonder how long he’ll keep feeling that way, especially when it dawns on him that I’m actually exactly like all these things he is clearly contemptuous of. After all, he disrepects everything I am ... Or am I just over reacting?
flowergirl Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 Does your boyfriend have a Confederate flag anywhere? Might he believe that the South will rise again?! Who the hell cares how long his love for you will last, he's obviously a loser, and not fit for a sophisticated city girl such as yourself. We city gals gotta stick together and not let any backward-thinking country bumpkin put us down. I hope you find someone who respects women, minorities and city folk alike.
Art_Critic Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 Showing disrespect for someone shows the lack of love you have for someone. He sounds twisted .. If you have talks with him about how his comments offend you and he doesn't stop then that isn't love he is showing you.. It is the lack of love
tanbark813 Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 I'm sure part of the initial attraction was the novelty of having someone so different from you but that can only last for so long. It just sounds like you guys aren't very compatible.
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