pinkpaw Posted February 3, 2018 Posted February 3, 2018 Hi everyone, I'm new here, have been struggling quite a lot in the past couple of weeks since the end of a relationship, and would really appreciate any support at all.
Happy Lemming Posted February 3, 2018 Posted February 3, 2018 How long were you involved with your significant other?? Why do think you needed to end it?? Has he contacted you since the breakup?? Do you want him to??
Author pinkpaw Posted February 4, 2018 Author Posted February 4, 2018 (edited) How long were you involved with your significant other?? Why do think you needed to end it?? Has he contacted you since the breakup?? Do you want him to?? We knew each other for 2 years, met on holiday and live in different countries (about an hour's flight away)...so after the initial meet-up, I wasn't so interested and his job sent him all over the world, and my profession kept me busy the other times when he wasn't away...so we didn't actually meet again until a couple of months ago. It was mostly getting to know each other via technology, which left me very skeptical indeed as even though we seemed to get along well...it's not the same as in person is it? Anyway we managed to finally meet again few months ago, it translated from the online communication to real life and we said we'd continue to see where it went, and make efforts to see each other again. Unfortunately his job sent him off to a 4-month post which he hated (as he decided to terminate his contract in 8 months time, they then give the leavers crap jobs) - this post means he isn't entitled to time off, and is on base all week until whenever they randomly decide he can have a day off, which they tell him on the day...so as you can imagine, trying to plan anything is nigh on impossible. He became more and more depressed as it reached the 3-month mark, and all the efforts we were putting in seemed to wane. I'm quite a practically-minded person and felt it was very off at this point, so instigated the conversation, thinking it would be the solution, and he seemed so down in the dumps, he couldn't really come up with anything to say and his attitude was that everything felt helpless to him now. I really didn't know what to do with this reaction, told him the next day I could be his friend to support him and talk when needed, and he said thanks and he wants to do the same back for me. Now it's been 3 weeks since....a week ago, i sent him an email asking for a bit more clarification and his messages were a bit all over the place, talking about being unable to keep a woman happy leaving him in the ****s, and that the essentials of what he was trying to say the day of our talk was that he needed time alone to get his **** together. I simply told him i was sorry to hear he was in a bad place and that he had kept me happy, but right now he doesn't seem in the right frame of mind, but one day he will be, and he'll meet a girl and it'll be fine. I'd like to just sort of, know what to do now to switch off from it. But I'm starting to miss him more and more and actually, I feel like I wasn't yet ready to give up on our next meeting. We'd only met twice in person over 2 years worth of communication, and certainly, I didn't love him (not enough interaction in person for that) but that....this is someone who had traits I really liked and want to actually make the effort to see again to get to know him more in person. But...whatever he means by 'i need time alone to get my **** together' and the last month where his mental health declined...it was very, very difficult to deal with that when I'd be trying to comfort him very often, and I'm not really into codependency. Meh, I don't know. Sorry for this rambling post. I'm just pretty alarmed that I am suddenly starting to feel like I'm not ready to give up on it yet, when i feel that's how I SHOULD feel. Got my exams coming up in a few months and just hope I don't start doing stupid things like messaging him if I start missing him more (so far I've been pretty good at NC).... Edited February 4, 2018 by pinkpaw correction
Happy Lemming Posted February 4, 2018 Posted February 4, 2018 We'd only met twice in person over 2 years worth of communication Have you tried dating other people in this 2 year period?? Have you tried a more traditional form of dating?? (like seeing the person once/twice a week or on the weekend) To me dating means seeing someone (in person) more than twice in 2 years, how do you define dating??
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