Online Dating

[MeadowFlower]

What is your top recommendation for an online dating site or app?

[alphamale]

What is your top recommendation for an online dating site or app?

 

i think they are all pretty bad MF

[nospam99]

#1: Plenty of Fish: free, lots of participation, encourages 'essays' which help you get an idea about the people you're interested in, several tools (UltraMatch, Chemistry, Search) to help with 'picking'. Downsides: software bugs and no customer or technical support.

#2: Match: lots of participation, percent match to help with 'picking', emails you the other person's contact message in its entirety. Downsides: must pay to play, has a reputation for arbitrarily terminating accounts (google it)

#3: OKCupid: free, hundreds of questions to help you develop a percent match. Downsides: low participation, restrictions on messaging (imposed two months ago and so Byzantine I can't even describe how they work), software bugs, unresponsive tech support.

 

Unacceptable:

Zoosk: requires 'validation' to be allowed to message - you must give them your cell # or your FB id

eharmony: they pick for you and you can't search on your own, low participation so their picks suk

elitesingles: ditto eharmony

Ourtime: NO tools to help with picking, you must pay even to read your own sent messages, match list selected by them filled with bad matches from all over the country, full of romance scammers trying to prey on seniors

 

No opinion cuz I only took a quick look - Tinder

[MeadowFlower]

#1: Plenty of Fish: free, lots of participation, encourages 'essays' which help you get an idea about the people you're interested in, several tools (UltraMatch, Chemistry, Search) to help with 'picking'. Downsides: software bugs and no customer or technical support.

#2: Match: lots of participation, percent match to help with 'picking', emails you the other person's contact message in its entirety. Downsides: must pay to play, has a reputation for arbitrarily terminating accounts (google it)

#3: OKCupid: free, hundreds of questions to help you develop a percent match. Downsides: low participation, restrictions on messaging (imposed two months ago and so Byzantine I can't even describe how they work), software bugs, unresponsive tech support.

 

Unacceptable:

Zoosk: requires 'validation' to be allowed to message - you must give them your cell # or your FB id

eharmony: they pick for you and you can't search on your own, low participation so their picks suk

elitesingles: ditto eharmony

Ourtime: NO tools to help with picking, you must pay even to read your own sent messages, match list selected by them filled with bad matches from all over the country, full of romance scammers trying to prey on seniors

 

No opinion cuz I only took a quick look - Tinder

 

Thank you for your detailed response :-)

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I think the best free one is probably OKCupid. The "quickest" free one is Plenty of Fish, but it can also be quite trashy.

[Jdoublenn]

Im on Bumble and Tinder. I find more matches on Bumble but both apps are both just as effing frustrating. LOL

[MeadowFlower]

Im on Bumble and Tinder. I find more matches on Bumble but both apps are both just as effing frustrating. LOL

 

In what ways do you find them frustrating?

[SevenCity]

In what ways do you find them frustrating?

 

Frustrations:

 

- you are judged solely on your pics, personality doesn't come through well on a dating profile

- getting matches that never reach out or reach out once and never respond

- meeting people who misrepresent themselves (women = fat, guys = married/gf or shorter than claimed)

- most of the ones you meet you will eliminate in 3 seconds or they will eliminate you

- for the few who last longer, it will likely end up in a mini relationship where you realize why the person is single (broke, irresponsible, entitled, immature, hung up on an ex, etc.)

 

A lot of it depends on location, age, and gender. As a woman you will be inundated with messages, as a guy most of your messages will be ignored.

 

I was on eharmony for a year and it was a complete waste, sans sleeping with a few women. Bumble has yielded more sex but none worthy of an LTR.

 

I would recommend OLD for sex but don't expect to get a real relationship out of it.

[Logo]

Frustrations:

 

- you are judged solely on your pics, personality doesn't come through well on a dating profile

- getting matches that never reach out or reach out once and never respond

- meeting people who misrepresent themselves (women = fat, guys = married/gf or shorter than claimed)

- most of the ones you meet you will eliminate in 3 seconds or they will eliminate you

- for the few who last longer, it will likely end up in a mini relationship where you realize why the person is single (broke, irresponsible, entitled, immature, hung up on an ex, etc.)

 

A lot of it depends on location, age, and gender. As a woman you will be inundated with messages, as a guy most of your messages will be ignored.

 

I was on eharmony for a year and it was a complete waste, sans sleeping with a few women. Bumble has yielded more sex but none worthy of an LTR.

 

I would recommend OLD for sex but don't expect to get a real relationship out of it.

 

 

So all the women who write, "I'm not looking for a hookup" doth protest too much, methinks.

 

It makes sense because the moment I reply with: "I'm looking for a long term relationship," they vanish. Not all, but 99% of them.

[Logo]

What is your top recommendation for an online dating site or app?

 

 

None. Honestly.

 

You're better off meeting people face to face so you can hear their voice, see their face, see their shape, find out whether you're attracted to them or not, express yourself so that your true personality comes through, instead of being limited to bland text.

 

I bet that the vast majority of people on these dating websites would have already found a match and started a family had they met the online crowd in person.

 

But people on these dating apps and websites are not forgiving. The minute you write the wrong word you're done. And the entire interaction -- if one does take place -- hinges on you picking every word carefully and sending your message at the right time. How do you know what's right and when's the right time? You don't, because catalog shopping is not forgiving.

 

Online dating will only leave you frustrated, make you question yourself and your confidence will fade away faster than you can ask "Is it me?"

[grays]

I had a blast when I was OLD. Tinder and OkCupid were my faves (but sounds like okc has changed since I disabled my profile). I got tons of great dates from them both.

 

Before my divorce was final, I used ex's credit card to buy 3 mos of just to be an a'hole. I had one terrible date and a super awkward convo with a guy who I knew in real life because I was friends with his gfriend.

[Logo]

I had a blast when I was OLD. [...] I got tons of great dates from them both.

 

So it was great for sex with different men, but nothing more.

 

And if it wasn't about sex and you're the kind of person who enjoys "good company" and "meeting friendly people" because you're social like that, then out of all those dates, on how many occasions did you pay for the date or offer to split the check?

Edited February 3, 2018 by Logo

[grays]

So it was great for sex with different men, but nothing more.

 

And if it wasn't about sex and you're the kind of person who enjoys "good company" and "meeting friendly people" because you're social like that, then out of all those dates, on how many occasions did you pay for the date or offer to split the check?

 

You think its ok to attack me just because I had a different OLD experience than you?

 

I had sex with quite a few men because I wanted to and why the f*ck not? I also met probably six guys that I had really nice fwb relationships with (and when I say fwb, I mean that there was actual friendship involved).

 

I am a friendly, social person and I did enjoy quite a few dates that didn't lead to sex. I do like meeting people. I'm not sure how enjoying good company and meeting friendly people make me less likely to pay my way. But, truth be told, I have two kids and not a ton of money. I almost always tried to pay my portion of the bill unless it was totally obvious that 25 bucks was no skin off his back. When I'd arrange first dates I would always tell the guy that we had to go somewhere where I could be in flip flops. The point of that was nothing fancy. I didnt want anyone spending real money on me and it was rare that they spent any at all. A lot of times I tried to arrange for the first date to be a walk on the beach or coffee. I was looking to meet meet friendly people, not to have an awkward fancy meal.

 

If you've had a bunch of women get you to spend a ton of money on them, that's on you. Why are you doing that? If they're not ok with coffee or a smoothie, then their interest probably isnt in enjoying your company.

[Logo]

Oh it wasn’t an attack. And you’re jumping to conclusions about my post, especially about the part where you assumed that I spent money on women and that it’s on me. I was trying to ascertain if you’re the kind of person who goes on dates for the free food. Nothing personal, just wanted to understand the type of crowd that finds that OLD works wonders for them.

 

For the record I don’t do dinners. It’s usually a couple of drinks or dessert and we split it.

 

 

The flip flops seem like an interesting choice. I guess you get out of it whatever you put in. That’s VERY casual. So that gives me an idea.

 

 

Thanks for sharing.

[grays]

Well, I don't completely believe you, but I will try...

 

Flip flops accomplish two goals, keeps me out of fancy restaurants and pricey clubs and it also communicates something about me. I'm not a showy person who's only interested in whether youre wearing designer clothes and keeping up with the joneses and Im really not about the superficial stuff generally. Its all about chemistry and being a decent human.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

So it was great for sex with different men, but nothing more.

 

And if it wasn't about sex and you're the kind of person who enjoys "good company" and "meeting friendly people" because you're social like that, then out of all those dates, on how many occasions did you pay for the date or offer to split the check?

 

This is making a lot of rude assumptions. Sounds like you've had a bad experience with online dating, but it doesn't mean that all women are just out for casual sex or free meals. Sheesh.

[nospam99]

This is making a lot of rude assumptions. Sounds like you've had a bad experience with online dating, but it doesn't mean that all women are just out for casual sex or free meals. Sheesh.

 

(Can't resist) You mean not 'all women are like that'? I know I am one of the outliers here with my satisfaction with OLD and all the while taking into account it's only been four months. I'm looking for LTR. Although none of them 'worked out', all five women I've met (only bought two dinners) so far have either been relationship material or too timid/kind to flat out tell me that I suck. Number six for dinner date this evening, same vibe a priore.

 

My bottom line: I am meeting more women more quickly than I ever met before, including in my twenties. And, though they may be lying, all are 'advertising' that they are single and looking for the same type of relationship that I am looking for. Much better than approaching some random woman on the street/at the library/at a meetup/in the supermarket where if I like their looks the implicit assumption must be that they already have an SO.

Edited February 3, 2018 by nospam99

[MeadowFlower]

(Can't resist) You mean not 'all women are like that'? I know I am one of the outliers here with my satisfaction with OLD and all the while taking into account it's only been four months. I'm looking for LTR. Although none of them 'worked out', all five women I've met (only bought two dinners) so far have either been relationship material or too timid/kind to flat out tell me that I suck. Number six for dinner date this evening, same vibe a priore.

 

My bottom line: I am meeting more women more quickly than I ever met before, including in my twenties. And, though they may be lying, all are 'advertising' that they are single and looking for the same type of relationship that I am looking for. Much better than approaching some random woman on the street/at the library/at a meetup/in the supermarket where if I like their looks the implicit assumption must be that they already have an SO.

 

Yea, it can help you to meet people. Some people just don't meet many guys/girls in real life.

[Chilli]

l'm another one that was pleasantly surprised.

Met 3 or 4 women in a few weeks l never would've met in rl.They weren't just anyone either and were the only ones l contatced out of 1000's.

And been seeing one since and she's not just anyone either, l don't just start seeing anyones. although there are things and l don't think it can go anywhere now unfortunately.

But , l met her and l wouldn't have without it sooooo .

l do think rl is much better though, l'd know in seconds in RL what takes weeks and a lot of effg around to find out from date sites so if you can yeah sure it's the way to go imo but that ain't easy when you don't have the social life you use to have.

 

So for me they're certainly worth a browse on the side and if someone does happen to push the right buttons well, never do know.

Edited February 3, 2018 by Chilli

[Logo]

Well, I don't completely believe you, but I will try...

 

Flip flops accomplish two goals, keeps me out of fancy restaurants and pricey clubs and it also communicates something about me. I'm not a showy person who's only interested in whether youre wearing designer clothes and keeping up with the joneses and Im really not about the superficial stuff generally. Its all about chemistry and being a decent human.

 

 

 

Yes, chemistry, also known by its real name ‘physical attraction.’

 

 

A lot of people throw around “Chemistry”, but very few actually know what it means when they use it.

 

 

So, out of curiosity, sweat pants and sweat shirt on a date?

[SevenCity]

Yes, chemistry, also known by its real name ‘physical attraction.’

 

 

A lot of people throw around “Chemistry”, but very few actually know what it means when they use it.

 

 

So, out of curiosity, sweat pants and sweat shirt on a date?

 

Physical attraction is only a part. I've seen women who were beautiful and felt no chemistry for them.

[MeadowFlower]

Physical attraction is only a part. I've seen women who were beautiful and felt no chemistry for them.

 

Have you ever seen women who looked below average and felt chemistry for them?

[unit1]

Recently joined Okcupid, there r so many "open relationship", or" bisexual.....etc",

I don't understand,

is it real?

[Popsicle]

I am not OLD right now but when I was the biggest plus for me is that it is a place where a lot of single people are accumulated. In real life, you have to wade through all the married and taken people to find the singles, and esp when you're older, that can become really tedious and sometimes disappointing. So just having all the single people in one place is something I found to be really helpful. I liked POF.

[Popsicle]

Recently joined Okcupid, there r so many "open relationship", or" bisexual.....etc",

I don't understand,

is it real?

 

Filter those out of your searches. At least I hope you can do that there.