Tips on growing and learning from experiencing a long string of hurt dating?

[annalilian26]

I was in a 7 year relationship from 17-24 and have been single for nearly 3 years now. After the end of the LTR, I found myself in a whirlwind romance 6 months after my break up which I ended after 2 months due to the guy being controlling and after this experience and the end of the LTR, I moved to a new city and took a year off from dating altogether to get my head straight and heal. Last year I experienced a bad episode of depression which stopped me from working/dating for over 6 months, but I've thankfully gotten myself out of this with therapy and medication, however, as a result I feel I lost a part of myself and don't feel like the same person anymore.

 

Since then, I have dated a lot with the intent of finding a meaningful connection and relationship and have experienced so many disappointments. Men seem to like me at first sight as they find me attractive, but it seems that with time, they will suddenly go cold and ghost/fade away. When I date them I do experience a lot of anxiety with regards to all the 'rules' of dating and surrounding when they will contact me next, etc but I do manage to hide this quite well so I don't feel my behaviour during the dating process has been the issue. What really sucks is that the last 3 guys I have dated got really close to me and made themselves out to be really into it, but ended up becoming emotionally unavailable in the end ( one guy ghosted me for another girl, another guy chose another girl over me and the most recent guy became totally confused and emotionally unavailable).

 

Although it ended for good reasons, my relationship of 7 years was very healthy and my ex partner treated me really well, so I came out of this relationship with a high level of self confidence that has been demolished from all these experiences. As much as I hate being so 'woe is me', these experiences of rejection and disappointment have made me feel like I am unloveable and that I don't have anything to offer anyone anymore, which is very different from how I felt about myself 2 years ago. It also feels like it was just a stroke of luck that my ex partner of 7 years loved me so much and that I am not likely to experience being loved like this again. I know how ridiculous this all sounds and that it is futile basing my worth on the behaviours/actions of others, but when you make yourself so vulnerable to these people, it's hard not to be affected when you're not what they want.

 

Right now I am going to take a break from dating until I am in a better headspace, but I feel I could do with some advice. For those of you who have experienced a long string disappointment and hurt from dating, how did you learn to preserve your self esteem and protect yourself from getting so hurt?

 

Thank you for your time in advance

Edited February 2, 2018 by annalilian26

[smackie9]

Get busy with life, and fill it with healthy challenging activities, rekindle old friendships, start reaching out to people and get together for fun outings etc.

[Maggie4]

Where did you meet these men?