newyorker11356 Posted February 2, 2018 Posted February 2, 2018 This is the best approach. All of the women I've dated who wished to contribute did so without there being a discussion about it.In my twenties, I was firmly in the "men should always pay" camp. Then I learned some things and changed my tune. I've found that the best women believe in contributing and those are the women I choose to pursue relationships with. Agreed. I'm currently dating one now.
RecentChange Posted February 2, 2018 Posted February 2, 2018 I am just going to say, early on when the Mr. and I were dating. I would offer to pay - and he would always refuse Honestly, if he had said "yeah why don't you get this" - I think it would have colored my opinion if him. I am far from a free loader.... But this is all part of the dance. Its not that I was looking for a provider - technically I AM the provider - I make double what he does, and all of our funds are intermingled. It's just, *he* was taking me out on a date, I wasn't taking him out on a date. It's that whole leader thing that has been discussed. And to this day, a decade and a half later, we still have date nights at least once a week. He plans them, he takes me out, and when the bill comes (even though it is "our" money) he pulls out his wallet, because that is how it works. 1
Miss Spider Posted February 2, 2018 Posted February 2, 2018 See, I respect people that pay for others when they can. It's a nice gesture. But the way it's gender rigged - it makes me feel uncomfortable that it's a assumed the guy should get it - or insist on getting it. Even if he asks you out, if you're agreeing, you're saying "I find you interesting enough to want to spend time with and get to know more". Why tack on a "...as long as you pay my way" onto that. When my friend asks me out, I don't expect her to treat, though we do take turns often. Anyway though, I do get what Ruby is saying -- the song and dance. To be honest, I think a lot of men do want to pay. They like it.
newyorker11356 Posted February 3, 2018 Posted February 3, 2018 See, I respect people that pay for others when they can. It's a nice gesture. But the way it's gender rigged - it makes me feel uncomfortable that it's a assumed the guy should get it - or insist on getting it. Even if he asks you out, if you're agreeing, you're saying "I find you interesting enough to want to spend time with and get to know more". Why tack on a "...as long as you pay my way" onto that. When my friend asks me out, I don't expect her to treat, though we do take turns often. Anyway though, I do get what Ruby is saying -- the song and dance. To be honest, I think a lot of men do want to pay. They like it. I believe most men like it as well (I do). The issue comes with the woman doesn't seem to reciprocate it in any way (offering to pay, insisting on paying for another date and doing it, cooking for her man, baking something, etc.) At that point, there's a good chance she's freeloading off you - and/or doesn't really like you all that much, but enjoys when you treat her. This topic always gets debated heavily. At the end, it ultimately depends on the two people involved in the relationship/marriage. With my current dating partner, we agree on finances/money. 1
Robert Posted February 3, 2018 Posted February 3, 2018 As this topic does get debated on here heavily and even has it's own thread on LoveShack.org let's keep the posts helpful and about the thread starters issue when posting in this particular thread, thanks 1
Steve51 Posted February 4, 2018 Posted February 4, 2018 And how many have you married dating that way? It is not difficult to find girls willing to pay for the date or pay half of it. It is not difficult to find girls to have sex with, without ever dating them. In fact that was the way it went with most of my sex partners. The hard part is getting one to want you as a spouse. Most women do want financial security in a mate. It is not a generational thing because going Dutch was coined in my generation. it is nothing unique to my generation. It is more of a financial thing. I did not pay for my dates to show off. I did it because I felt it was the right thing to do since I could easily afford it and they could not. I did not want to be limited to what my date could afford to do. I have been on my own since 18 unlike most men these days. I could afford things that my friends in college could not. They shared the cost of dates too but because they could not afford it. I could so I paid. Simple as that.
Sm12345 Posted February 4, 2018 Posted February 4, 2018 On the date I was on last night, we alternated. I paid for our hot chocolates, she paid for our teas. I paid at the first bar, she paid at the second. It doesn’t have to be complicated. 4
Author Kentucky Posted February 5, 2018 Author Posted February 5, 2018 We went on said date Saturday and I paid for 99 percent of the date. She offered to split dinner, I turned her down. The only thing she paid for was our candy that we snuck into the movies. I was totally okay with that. She's coming here for date three. I will be paying no matter what. She likes to cook and always tells me about the meals she has made the past week. My guess is if we get further and further along she will often cook for me when I'm in town.
alphamale Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 She likes to cook and always tells me about the meals she has made the past week. My guess is if we get further and further along she will often cook for me when I'm in town. i bet there will be more than food cookin' in them thar kitchen, know what ah mean?? *wink*
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