kendahke Posted February 2, 2018 Posted February 2, 2018 (edited) But I'm a hard nut []This isn't a game, here---dealing with someone who is bi-polar is never ending, year after year after year. She needs to work on herself, if she's willing to do that. That work should have been done before you came on the scene. [] Edited February 2, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Edited for civiity and respect
CrazyKatLady Posted February 2, 2018 Posted February 2, 2018 Sorry to hear that. If she has a lot to work on and you are an older gentleman, then maybe the best deal is to move on before she does. You seem worried about your happiness, and dating someone you like is supposed to bring out the best in you, I would hope. Maybe you could find someone who makes you happier, and who has less issues to work on in order for you to be happy with them. It sounds like she is not the right woman for you...I hope that helps! Good luck once again! 1
Jennakay08 Posted February 2, 2018 Posted February 2, 2018 Nope never again, dated someone with bi-polar, borderline personality and anti social disorder all diagnosed, and wow some of the worst times in my life. I fought hard for that relationship, he's the father of my child and I still miss him, but no longer will I date someone with a diagnosed mental disorder that doesn't get help until it's too late and damage is done. I've never been so insecure in my entire life, I've never been so codependent in my entire life, I made him my project to fix meanwhile it drug me through hell and it's taking everything out of me to recoup since the split. We can't even coparent without him swinging one way or the other. I wouldn't date someone again with it, but if you are certain you want to have at it just know it's not easy.
Author drakon12 Posted February 2, 2018 Author Posted February 2, 2018 (edited) [] This isn't a game, here---dealing with someone who is bi-polar is never ending, year after year after year. That work should have been done before you came on the scene. [] No, I have other dating options and the goal is not getting a GF but being with someone I really want a relationship with. [] Edited February 2, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language and tone
Author drakon12 Posted February 2, 2018 Author Posted February 2, 2018 Sorry to hear that. If she has a lot to work on and you are an older gentleman, then maybe the best deal is to move on before she does. You seem worried about your happiness, and dating someone you like is supposed to bring out the best in you, I would hope. Maybe you could find someone who makes you happier, and who has less issues to work on in order for you to be happy with them. It sounds like she is not the right woman for you...I hope that helps! Good luck once again! I'm still young-ish. But yeah, I'm concerned about my own happiness because I've been down on that other road in the past. I learned my lesson, there is absolutely no point in living to please other people because first of all you can't, and you'd just exhaust yourself. In addition it actually repels people. With this girl, I need a closure. That might be "oficially" being her BF, knowing for sure that she doesn't want to be with me ever, etcetera. I'm already seeing other girls but I think my feelings won't disappear until I have a closure and I don't want to upset other women by starting a relationship when I have someone else in mind. Hope everything works out.
William Posted February 2, 2018 Posted February 2, 2018 It's late so I'll leave some edits/sanctions of the unapproved posts for moderation in the morning but will remind members of our language and civility and respect guidelines. Check the announcements at the top of any forum. We'd prefer members follow them and retain their posting privileges. Thanks! 1
basil67 Posted February 2, 2018 Posted February 2, 2018 these people need to be on meds You think they aren't on meds??? Meds can certainly help, but they aren't a magic potion to fix all mental health problems. The first friend I described has taken more than 10 years of trying different meds to get to the point he's at now. And he's still far from "normal".
Miss Spider Posted February 2, 2018 Posted February 2, 2018 (edited) Personally, I couldn't. I have been a volunteer for a mental health forum since I was 17 and I have all the empathy in the world for people who struggle with it. But I would not be in a relationship with someone who identified as having it because I have seen what it does to their relationships. It's just not a risk I would be willing to take. I would understand if someone felt the same about my anxiety Edited February 2, 2018 by Cookiesandough 4
Author drakon12 Posted February 2, 2018 Author Posted February 2, 2018 Personally, I couldn't. I have been a volunteer for a mental health forum since I was 17 and I have all the empathy in the world for people who struggle with it. But I would not be in a relationship with someone who identified as having it because I have seen what it does to their relationships. It's just not a risk I would be willing to take. I would understand if someone felt the same about my anxiety But everyone has their flaws. I wouldn't be the only one who'd deal with psychological problems in this relationship. The person I'm with should know and be willing to deal with my depression phases/tendencies. I used antidepressants for 2 years, now I'm fine but that doesn't mean I will never ever go back to that dark place. I don't believe there are genuine relationships which always goes smooth with zero issues, and I don't believe in people who doesn't have any flaws. 2
kendahke Posted February 2, 2018 Posted February 2, 2018 Everyone has their flaws, true---but this isn't a "she never puts the top on the toothpaste" or "he packs the dishwasher wrong" kind of flaw. The difference with someone bipolar is their will to consistently stay on medication they need when they don't feel like taking it and how that act impacts the peace of mind, home and heart of those they live with. 2
mortensorchid Posted February 3, 2018 Posted February 3, 2018 Bipolar people are exactly what they are - 2 faced. First impression is that they are very happy, cheerful, easy going. On the surface there is no reason you wouldn't like that person. The two in particular are short girls who are not ravishing beauties but have a certain cuteness in their faces. When you are short as a woman you can use it to your advantage because the world thinks you're cute. And they were both on the fat side as well, but didn't let that stop them from their popularity. They knew that cute little girls who give out cute little smiles get the things they want from others. And once they have won you over, they start to show the other side of themselves - Unstable, miserable, explosive anger, violent, destructive, abusive, etc. And after they blow up at you and you ask "What did I do?" or something to make them have an irrational blow up, they will smooth it over by saying "Oh I was drunk/high". And then you'll take them back. Later, rinse, repeat. They go through people like Kleenex. I knew one gal who was bipolar who married a man after a rebound / whirlwind 6 month relationship moved in together, she got pregnant, and they got married. Their second child came two years later, and the marriage ended with his trying to commit suicide that he was so miserable. DON'T DO IT. GET OUT NOW WHILE YOU STILL CAN.
Motivateme Posted February 3, 2018 Posted February 3, 2018 Well this depends solely on you because obviously we've seen bipolars go on to have wonderful marriages. Example: Some people are highly agreeable, where as they are more cooperative sympathetic considerate. People who are the opposite sometimes are quick to view others as a threat prematurely. Me personally, I think if I took a personality test I don't think I would score high on agreeableness. This I do feel I should work on because most function best somewhere in the middle of the spectrum. Bipolars would probably need someone highly agreeable.
GTR King Posted February 3, 2018 Posted February 3, 2018 I have dated someone with Bipolar before (Never Again) Was my 2nd ever Girlfriend... (Better than my first) We was together (About 1 year 3 months) Split up (She ended it saying relationship wasn't working) and wanted to stay friends (Saw each other a few times but she was very quite and not her self) She got ill about 2 months later and cut all contact (Only messaged me once or twice) I still missed here (At the time) about 1 year & 6 months later we agreed to met up and started talking more (She got ill again) so met up about a month or so later (When she was feeling better). We then started seeing each other regularly and decided to get back together (We was together for about 2 years). she then decided to end it saying if I didn't have Bipolar I would stay with you but can't cope being in relationship at moment. we decided to stay friends & talk to each other for a bit she then deleted me on everything and was being really grumpy just said I am having a tough time CBA To talk to you... she added me again saying sorry and if we wanted to stay friends We had our good times but there were times when she would go cold or get really grumpy etc or not wanna meet up as tired/done to much... That was over 4 years ago. I am now happy enjoying life and seeing other people. So My advice would be to stay clear or Bipolar Men/Women unless your willing to ride it through with them
yaya1289 Posted February 4, 2018 Posted February 4, 2018 (edited) I was once engaged to my bipolar fiancé. He threw me out pregnant as well as other child out of our home to move in his new fling during a manic episode. Understand that, something no one has mentioned yet, Bipolar disorder worsens after time. Each episode from the literature I’ve read causes irreversible damage. Familiarize yourself with the word, comorbidity : when one illness is present there are more than likely other illnesses present too, a personality disorder more than likely! Boy, those are the best *sarcasm* heed my warning and RUN while you can. You cannot save her, you will drown first while she, depending on how the wind is blowing, may forget you and move on to her next supply. Yes, i said it, supply. In my support group for ex’s of bipolar (i was that messed up from how he discarded me) i learned that they can very well use your energy as a supply for their lack of. Will project and chameleon like change themselves to fit into your perfect mate during the love bombing phase. Eventually their true selves starts to reveal and well, you’re in for the ride of your life. Their moods are more than just a roller coaster they are all encompassing. Your finances will be screwed due to their impulsivity: my ex left me in 13k of credit debt thankfully nothing more than that. Std’s, yep! Very real threat as they are known to cheat and be cake eaters; like to have their cake and eat it too. Will want to keep you and their side fun. Will suddenly fall out of love, out of the blue too. Not all of them are known for this, but they are commonly known to abuse drugs, mine was dependent weed. He’d steal and hide his vice even when we were in a financial strap his “fix” was a must. His little stunt put both me and my unborn child’s life at risk. I ended up in the hospital more times than I can count. This is just the frosting on a cake of years of malignant behavior on his part. THIS is why i tell you, don’t walk, RUN. Run as if your life depended on it, because it does. These relationships are really hard to recover from if you let them wedge themselves into your heart. 1.2 years after and im still not the same ..... Edited February 4, 2018 by yaya1289
basil67 Posted February 4, 2018 Posted February 4, 2018 Everyone sharing their experiences with bipolar is interesting - but given that she doesn't have a diagnosis, it's important to remember to take all this with a grain of salt. If you don't like her behaviour, then leave. But please don't made judgments on what your future may hold based on what random people tell you about a diagnosis which she may not have. 1
GTR King Posted February 4, 2018 Posted February 4, 2018 All the story's are interesting... I found when my ex was well the relationship was normal.. She was supportive caring fun to be around loved seeing me/staying over and doing things together. When she was ill/starting to feel ill (E.G Done too much etc) she would be really grumpy not care about me. wanna do nothing etc... and would hardly call/texts, she would then say sorry few days/a week or so later and we would be back to normal... We met in college... I got on well with her parents/brother they all liked me, and she got on with my parents etc... If I saw her/parents or brother or bumped into them etc (Live in smallish town) I would be civil and say hi... But i won't date Another Bipolar girl again
JS84 Posted February 4, 2018 Posted February 4, 2018 My father and sister have bipolar. My brother and I don't even talk to her anymore. And my father should be grateful anyone in the family does. I'm not saying you can't date someone with bipolar disorder but personally I would not. I've seen it up close far more than I'd like. You need to walk away from this. Your Knight In Shining Armor Syndrome is at least Stage 3 if you're even considering this girl. When her own friends are telling you to walk away, you need to listen. A 6 foot red flag is basically trying to kick you in the balls. Don't ignore it because you want a girlfriend so badly.
Author drakon12 Posted February 4, 2018 Author Posted February 4, 2018 My father and sister have bipolar. My brother and I don't even talk to her anymore. And my father should be grateful anyone in the family does. I'm not saying you can't date someone with bipolar disorder but personally I would not. I've seen it up close far more than I'd like. You need to walk away from this. Your Knight In Shining Armor Syndrome is at least Stage 3 if you're even considering this girl. When her own friends are telling you to walk away, you need to listen. A 6 foot red flag is basically trying to kick you in the balls. Don't ignore it because you want a girlfriend so badly. I don't "want a girlfriend". Otherwise I'd be with that girl who has a crush on me. I want this girl to be my girlfriend, for now. I'm all in for anything casual but I'd rather not have a serious relationship now. Except for this girl.
JS84 Posted February 4, 2018 Posted February 4, 2018 Ahh I see. Don't know what to tell you then. Almost sounds like you're pain shopping. Good luck.
Author drakon12 Posted February 4, 2018 Author Posted February 4, 2018 You are pickin a bad one to be with...... Yeah, but I feel like this needs to happen. If there's a chance that I could make it work with her and I don't, I might regret it. I rarely get this attracted to a girl or feel this kind of connection. For the first time in my life, I felt this way and I will give it a chance, if she wants to be with me. Playing it safe never really satisfied me, I don't think it would do in this case. But I've let go. Whatever happens, happens. Only thing I can do is staying true to myself. Thanks to everyone who put in their 2 cents, if something is to happen with me and her, I will not ignore your thoughts and experiences.
alphamale Posted February 4, 2018 Posted February 4, 2018 bipolar people on the proper medications and under medical care are as good as anyone else in the universe. look at all the famous people and celebrities who suffer from the disorder. princess leia was bipolar for god's sake
GTR King Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 Alphamale that is so true... Some people are better than others depends on bad there bipolar is
Lorenza Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 bipolar people on the proper medications and under medical care are as good as anyone else in the universe. look at all the famous people and celebrities who suffer from the disorder. princess leia was bipolar for god's sake Yeah I'm sure famous people are all angels and there's 0 possibly that they are tough for their close ones to handle. After all, famous people rarely get divorce...Oh wait. 1
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