girlinNYC Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 Disclaimer: I am not talking about the guy from previous posts. I met a guy and we really hit it off. He took me for a drink last week and sparks flew, spoke for 4 hours straight without looking at the time etc. I know it’s early days, but each day since the date we have spoken, either via Facebook or text in one way or another. He has initiated 90% of it. That doesn’t bother me as I enjoy chatting (as I told him yesterday) and find him a great and funny conversationalist. I have been nothing but chill and it’s how I will continue. Hypothetically, if there was to be a day we don’t talk, is that a red flag given the tone has been that we talk everyday? We aren’t exclusive (obviously), I’m not expecting a text every day (although glad I have been getting them) but going by how constant our contact has been would it be a concern if the pattern potentially somewhat changed? What’s ‘normal’ for the getting to know you stage? Asking this because I can see myself potentially falling for him and want to safeguard myself from any expectations.
Whodatdog Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 Do I understand you've only had one date? Arent you analyzing this way too much for that? He stays in contact now and again, thats absolutely normal. There is no "rule" for how much someone stays in contact. Just go with the flow. 1
Flame Aura Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 There is no set 'rule', just talk to each other whenever you want. If he doesn't message you one day and you want to message him then do it. With my current girlfriend (and previous actually) we started off messaging every few days while getting to know each other, but that turned into every single day and well it hasn't stopped. Also try not to think so negatively about 'potential', 'hypothetical' red flags. Go with the flow and think positive. 1
heavenonearth Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 If you already have a second date set, just continue. If you dont have a second date set, make sure you will do soon! Also: chill! 1
Miss Spider Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 (edited) Like heaven said, get the second date down, that's all that really matters IMO Edited February 1, 2018 by Cookiesandough
FilterCoffee Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 When I’ve been in an exclusive relationship, talking everyday was the norm. In casual relationships there wasn’t any pattern and the time between texts/calls could range from a couple of days to a week. 1
Versacehottie Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 I think answering the question "how often should we talk", inherently sets up expectations, no? Just saying. So my answer would be to chill and go with the flow--use your get instinct more. 1
smackie9 Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 We get a lot of posts about people fading.....well ya of course they do! You don't get much emotional bonding over text. It gets stale, people lose interest. Time should be spent going out, not texting. So instead of chatting, start making suggestions/plans to see each other again if you want this ball to start rolling. 3
she'stheone Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 HI girlinNYC, I'm glad you've met someone you like. You are making things way harder than they have to be. You are even looking for "red flags" that don't exist in an effort to protect yourself. This is a very bad approach. What we focus on expands. I promise, if you look for red flags you will find red flags. How can anyone get to know you, really know you, when you are already protecting yourself from them. Relationships can hurt, that is part of what makes them so amazing. It's the opening of your heart to love that puts you at risk and why if things don't work out we are hurt. But... If you don't open your heart, then not only can you never love someone else, they in turn can never love you. This is the risk we all must take when we date. The risk is worth the reward, as many people in successful relationships will tell you. Do some personal development and spiritual work to release your pain, open your heart (to yourself first) and learn to love again. Sending you much love and light 2
Hopeforall Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 There is no set rule. If you are talking daily, he must really like you. I think if it is casual then you don't have to talk every day, a few times a week is fine.
Author girlinNYC Posted February 1, 2018 Author Posted February 1, 2018 Is a second date in the works? He has mentioned a second date but nothing has been planned as yet.
smackie9 Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 He has mentioned a second date but nothing has been planned as yet. Bring it up then. Tell him you are available from ___ to this day. If he starts to waffle....dump and move on. You don't keep giving these time wasters a million pardons. IMO he's got you on the back burner. 1
Shanex Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 I'm with smackie. Set up a place, time and second date and you will see. You should talk daily when possible, in the evening, a call or some texts to show to each other you are interested. 1
Author girlinNYC Posted February 1, 2018 Author Posted February 1, 2018 Do I understand you've only had one date? Arent you analyzing this way too much for that? He stays in contact now and again, thats absolutely normal. There is no "rule" for how much someone stays in contact. Just go with the flow. Not trying to overanalyse, just trying to prevent myself from getting my hopes up or have unrealistic expectations. When you talk to someone every day it becomes habitual. Definitely going with the flow.
Author girlinNYC Posted February 1, 2018 Author Posted February 1, 2018 Bring it up then. Tell him you are available from ___ to this day. If he starts to waffle....dump and move on. You don't keep giving these time wasters a million pardons. IMO he's got you on the back burner. Absolutely. I’m not going to invest in any time wasters. I’ve always had in my mind that he probably has other girls to test the waters with given we have only known each other a short time. Time will tell
Author girlinNYC Posted February 1, 2018 Author Posted February 1, 2018 If you already have a second date set, just continue. If you dont have a second date set, make sure you will do soon! Also: chill! He’s brushed on a second date but nothing set in stone yet. That’s the goal!
I'veseenbetterlol Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 Disclaimer: I am not talking about the guy from previous posts. I met a guy and we really hit it off. He took me for a drink last week and sparks flew, spoke for 4 hours straight without looking at the time etc. I know it’s early days, but each day since the date we have spoken, either via Facebook or text in one way or another. He has initiated 90% of it. That doesn’t bother me as I enjoy chatting (as I told him yesterday) and find him a great and funny conversationalist. I have been nothing but chill and it’s how I will continue. Hypothetically, if there was to be a day we don’t talk, is that a red flag given the tone has been that we talk everyday? We aren’t exclusive (obviously), I’m not expecting a text every day (although glad I have been getting them) but going by how constant our contact has been would it be a concern if the pattern potentially somewhat changed? What’s ‘normal’ for the getting to know you stage? Asking this because I can see myself potentially falling for him and want to safeguard myself from any expectations. When I start dating someone, their interest shows if we text everyday. There is nothing wrong w/texting often as my bf and I haven't gone a day w/out texting since we started dating (minus when he was on vacation and had no reception). Do what both of you are comfortable w/. I've learned that change in texting habits does have to do w/loss of interest. After more then half a year, my bf and I still text the same amount, whereas in other dating experiences the communication dropped off. That wasn't normal and eventually I found out they lost interest in me.
hippychick3 Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 I agree that him setting up that 2nd date is much more important than how often he’s texting you. In my experience, the men who were most interested kept in contact daily once we had a second date. In my relationship, my bf has never gone a day without communication since we first met 4 1/2 years ago.
smackie9 Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 What is with guys these days? When I was dating most wanted to set up a date for the next or two nights later. I feel sorry for you youngins. 3
Miss Spider Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 What is with guys these days? When I was dating most wanted to set up a date for the next or two nights later. I feel sorry for you youngins. Yea I feel like most people who come here are dating multi-daters from the internet 2
she'stheone Posted February 2, 2018 Posted February 2, 2018 What is with guys these days? When I was dating most wanted to set up a date for the next or two nights later. I feel sorry for you youngins. It's all the social pressure to "be cool". We men can't let you ladies know we're interested because then we'll seem needy or clingy. I'm not saying I agree with it, I'm simply saying this is ONE of the reasons men act the way we do. While I've found my soulmate, I did date a bit before we were together and if I was interested I'd call for another date asap as our schedules allowed. I agree, the younger generation has it so much tougher. Love and light
Miss Spider Posted February 2, 2018 Posted February 2, 2018 (edited) Actually, I would say if they're not texting you daily they aren't all that interested, but only if they are texting you and also making firm plans. Men these days LOVE to text, it's getting them to call regularly that's the trick. I think they might just love it because the women do and it's easy to string lots of women along with it and they can can selfies/nudes out of it or something, but they love it. I don't like texting and would prefer a guy who never communicated except just to set up dates. They exist, just not someone I've been lucky enough to meet. Also, if you don't text them back within a day it's clearly because you're out with other guys. I mean, obviously Edited February 2, 2018 by Cookiesandough
Happy Lemming Posted February 2, 2018 Posted February 2, 2018 If I'm dating someone new, and I'm setting up a date for the weekend. I'll call on Wednesday and set up the date, then I'll call again on Friday to firm up a time, and pick them up or meet on Saturday. If my date calls me, I'll certainly talk to them or return their call/text/e-mail; but I don't inundate them with all kinds of communication. You want to leave something to talk about on the date... Just my two cents... 2
Miss Spider Posted February 2, 2018 Posted February 2, 2018 If I'm dating someone new, and I'm setting up a date for the weekend. I'll call on Wednesday and set up the date, then I'll call again on Friday to firm up a time, and pick them up or meet on Saturday. If my date calls me, I'll certainly talk to them or return their call/text/e-mail; but I don't inundate them with all kinds of communication. You want to leave something to talk about on the date... Just my two cents... I am going to take a guess you are over 35? I think I'm going to need to start dating men over 40 just to get away from the texters. It drives me mad, really. It's like an IRC used to be if there as a ton of lag but you still feel the need to look and get back to them ASAP
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