LDR relationship breakup.

[Val230]

My ex and I broke up after being together for nearly a year. He lives in Texas and I live in California. Throughout our relationship we broke up 3-4 times. I went to visit him in November for a week and a couple weeks later he broke up with me because he thought about cheating on me with a girl in his class. He said that he didn’t wanna be with me if he had thoughts like that.

 

I was crushed but knew we had to breakup. Shortly after we got back together. He showed remorse and said that it was just a stupid moment of lust and said I was the only one he wanted. We were doing pretty well after that up until I saw some things on social media that made me question his loyalty. I was going to break things off but he begged for me to stay with him and vowed to gain my trust back. We were okay after that but then I noticed that he wasn’t putting as much effort as I was in the relationship. It wasn’t fair that I was putting my all into it and he wasn’t pulling his weight.

 

He told me that his intentions were good and that he wanted a relationship with me and would work on it. We were on the phone when he was telling me this and he suddenly hung up on me. I assumed his phone died until I got text messages from his telling me to leave him and that he was getting yelled at by his mom. I was confused and didn’t understand what was going on. How could he tell me one thing a second ago but then tell me to leave him? I told him I would leave though. I’m not the type of person to force someone into a relationship. He told me to leave, and that’s exactly what did. So we broke up.

 

Later on that night he called me and was explaining to me everything that happened. His mom is very controlling and manipulative at times. Him and I were on the phone till 4 am the night before. She was complaining about that and said that I was the reason he didn’t have a job. First of all, HE is the reason he doesn’t have a job. I shouldn’t be held accountable for an adult who is 100% capable not getting a job. He rarely applied for jobs partly because he was lazy but also because of his controlling mother!! If he didn’t get a job that met up with her standards she would blackmail him and tell him that if he went through with it, she would take away his car.

 

Anyway, he told me that I was a distraction and that he needed to get his life together. He said he loved me and cared for me but now is the wrong time. I was hurt, but understood. I didn’t purposely try to distract him. If anything I encouraged him to get a job and would never take too much of his time, especially if it was career or school related. I wasn’t forcing him to stay on the phone with me so late. He could’ve simply told me “hey it’s getting late, I’m going to bed.” Wouldn’t that be the logical thing to do? I don’t need to be on the phone for hours either, I’d be happy with a short conversation of us just catching up and telling each other about our day.

 

And he knew that. But anyway after we got the closure we needed I was going to hang up but he refused. He said that he had 4% and to stay on the phone with him until his phone died. He said that this was the last time we’d be on the phone and to stay. I was already going through enough, my heart was broken!!! What on earth was there more to say? I told him no and that I was going to hang up. He ignored me and asked what he was supposed to do with all this pics of us on his phone. I told him to delete them. He then proceeded to text me the pics while we were on the phone!! What do I need those pics for? We’re broken up, there’s no reason to have those on my phone especially when I’m trying to heal and move on.

 

So I told him to stop sending the pics and that I was gonna really hang up. We said our goodbyes and haven’t talked since. I’m not going to lie, I miss him terribly. It’s difficult going from talking on the phone with someone every single day, to not talking to them at all. I can’t help to wonder if he’s as sad as I am? I know the breakup is for the best. I kinda need to get my life together as well, so guess its beneficial to both of us. Right after the breakup I deleted him off Snapchat and unfollowed him on Instagram. I didn’t block him because we didn’t necessarily end on bad terms so there was no reason to.

 

He remained following me up until yesterday I think. I noticed he blocked me and was confused. Maybe it’s his way of coping? Idk. I want to be friends eventually and have been thinking of reaching out to him to see how he’s doing but don’t know if that’s a good idea. I don’t want to seem like I’m trying to get back with him.

 

Of course a part of me wants to reach out because I miss him, but I genuinely do care about him. Should I reach out to him or just let things be and continue with no contact?

Edited February 1, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Miss Spider]

Don’t reach out. Stay NC and move forward

[smackie9]

You are just making this more painful for yourself clinging onto him. Not worth it. I agree you should block and lose his number. You will miss out on real prospects doing this LDR garbage.

[kendahke]

I wouldn't. Nothing in his life has been resolved. He needs to learn how to focus and set boundaries so he can get things done in his life. More than that, he needs to get his controlling mother out of his business--which means getting a job and moving out of her house.

 

In the meantime, though it's hard, keeping to NC is your best bet. Let him do what he needs to do. And it's fine that he's blocked you on social media because if he really is going to move on, he can't be wasting time he should be devoting to a job search to creeping you on social media, so let that go.

 

If you are truly who he wants to be with, he will use this time to move heaven and earth to get his life right so you two can be together again.

 

But I also say this to you: he's already broken up with you because of girl distractions at school---and he is who he is, so he may not be thinking of getting around to doing any of this work his mother is nagging him about and using girls who live closer to him to distract him from doing what needs to be done. If it's in his character to be like that, then I wouldn't hold out any hope for him flipping into someone he's not anytime soon.