Woggle Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 I think I have fallen in love. About 2 months ago I met a woman who is 41 years old and I am 26. This is the first woman since my divorce that I have had any feelings for. I can tell she has feelingds for me and the chemistry we share is so great. She is brilliant, caring, beautiful and just so full of life and passion. We alaso enjoy the same things as well like traveling and appreciating art and the better things in life. There is one problem. She admits that she has feelings for me but she is having a hard time getting past the age thing. She even admits that she relates better to me than most men her age. Yesterday after work we met up and just spent all night walking up and down the beach and boardwalk( I live near the shore) and we couldn't keep ourt hands off each other. Is there any way to ease her about the age thing.
alphamale Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 Originally posted by Woggle Is there any way to ease her about the age thing. yes, don't keep on bringing it up. The more u talk about it the more concious she will get. If she brings it up just say it is not a problem from your end and leave it at that. Show by your actions that it is not a problem, etc.... Oh yeah WOGGLE, if she lets u come in her mouth then she is a keeper!
Author Woggle Posted August 25, 2005 Author Posted August 25, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale yes, don't keep on bringing it up. The more u talk about it the more concious she will get. If she brings it up just say it is not a problem from your end and leave it at that. Show by your actions that it is not a problem, etc.... Oh yeah WOGGLE, if she lets u come in her mouth then she is a keeper! She is looking like a keeper. I am honest with her about how I feel about women and she actually says with the way most women act she doesn't blame me for feeling this way. She has a great sense of humor and just seems to enjoy life. I have always related to people older than I am anyway.
Outcast Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 She figures that in 20 years when she's in her sixties you'll dump her for someone younger and prettier.
Author Woggle Posted August 25, 2005 Author Posted August 25, 2005 Originally posted by Outcast She figures that in 20 years when she's in her sixties you'll dump her for someone younger and prettier. Oh hell no. I won't do that. Women my age are for the most part worthless.
JS17 Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 Well despite the fact that I'm worthless I'll try to help you out anyway. Alpha, you're three for three. I'm starting to get scared. I was in the Older Woman / Younger Man situation recently although far less of an age difference. It really freaked me out at first but I got used to it after a while when I got to know him better. I realized that he was more mature than the guys I had just broken up with that were my own age. Eventually it would fade away and I would forget and then he would bring it up, it would freak me out again. When he stopped bringing it up I got to the point where it would slip to the back of my mind and I wouldn't care anymore.
alphamale Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 Originally posted by JS17 Alpha, you're three for three. I'm starting to get scared. I hope you don't think i'm dumb JS17. I'm actually quite smart and observant and i've been around the block a few times.
JS17 Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale I hope you don't think i'm dumb JS17. I'm actually quite smart and observant and i've been around the block a few times. Oh I don't think you're dumb at all. I'm saying I agreed with you for the third time today and I usually disagree with you There's nothing wrong with that, everyone has their own opinion and I respect that.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 I'm 39 359/365 and I have had 24-26 yr olds hitting on me (mostly online) and I must say I have been tempted. I doubt I would be in anything for the long term. I told a 31yr old it was the age thing, but really, I just wasn't into him When I was 18 and my bf was 20, we hung out with a couple where he was 26 and she was 42. My mother was 41 at the time!!! She was a cool lady though. Her kids were 21! They lasted about 3-4 years. My coworker friend met his wife when he was 28 and she was 39. He left her when he was 40 for someone who was 36. Now she is 52 and dating a 60yr old. He is 43 and dating a 28yr old. But everyone's different. If you enjoy each others' company, then spend time together having fun and doing what you enjoy. Don't look too far into the future but don't rule it out either.
Craig Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 Get a vasectomy and show her off in public and to your friends. Seriously, older women are wonderful but she is worried that you will want kids one day and leave her or she is worried that you'll leave her for a woman your age or younger. Take her out. Dark restaurants are okay but make sure you throw in a couple of well lit restaurants to show her that you are 100% okay and comfortable with the age difference. Show her, don't tell her. Screw what ever society or anyone else says about the age difference. If you really love her and have 5 good years or 10 good years or 45 good years you'll be way ahead of the crowd that got into relationships for something other than love. My 2 cents.
Author Woggle Posted August 25, 2005 Author Posted August 25, 2005 Originally posted by Craig Get a vasectomy and show her off in public and to your friends. Seriously, older women are wonderful but she is worried that you will want kids one day and leave her or she is worried that you'll leave her for a woman your age or younger. Take her out. Dark restaurants are okay but make sure you throw in a couple of well lit restaurants to show her that you are 100% okay and comfortable with the age difference. Show her, don't tell her. Screw what ever society or anyone else says about the age difference. If you really love her and have 5 good years or 10 good years or 45 good years you'll be way ahead of the crowd that got into relationships for something other than love. My 2 cents. She actually wants kids. She has never been married and she wants to settle down and start a family. She just says that she is a little uneasy with doing it with a man that younger than her.
lindya Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 She's bound to be worried about the age difference - for the reasons other people have mentioned. The problem with providing reassurance about never leaving her, never changing your mind and deciding you want someone closer to your own age etc is that you simply don't know how things will pan out. We can never provide others with 100% reassurance - no matter how much we want to - because the future is such an unknown quantity. At this early stage, it's probably best to just focus on having a good time with your new girlfriend. Sometimes in these situations, the main problems are caused by other people (friends or relatives) who don't "get" the relationship. Hopefully that's not an issue in this case.
Craig Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 Originally posted by Woggle She actually wants kids. She has never been married and she wants to settle down and start a family. She just says that she is a little uneasy with doing it with a man that younger than her. Well if you want the same and love her for who she is (not what she looks like and all the superficial stuff) you have to find a way to convey that to her so she gets it. She wants to know that she isn't just a summer fling and when the autumn winds blow, your mind won't change with them. If she wants kids but possibly not with you then who? What is she doing with you? I mean her clock isn't ticking it's gonging right now. Perhaps one of the things you could do is take a trip to your local bookstore and/or library and get some reading material on younger man/older woman relationships. She would take you more seriously if you know the pitfalls of them and still want to be with her.
Author Woggle Posted August 25, 2005 Author Posted August 25, 2005 I think that's what it is. She may think that I am just in this because of the novelty of it which is not the case at all. I could care less what age she is. She looks 25 and she is very young at heart but with the wisdom that comes with age. I am very much the same way. I have a very young heart but a wiser mind than most my age. She called me at work today just to say hi so maybe she is easing up.
JS17 Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 I was told, by a man, that in Older Women / Older Man relationships the man will just end up hurting the woman. I've only seen three of these kind of relationships and they all ended with the man hurting the woman. I can't say that I understand why nor do I believe that it is the case for everyone but if you do genuinely care for her you'll be careful in this relationship and be sure of your decisions and actions. Maybe she'll even lighten you up a little bit and you won't be so hard on us ladies.
Jayhawks Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 Older women rock Woggle. They know what they want and they don't play the games that their younger sisters do. I have dated a 38 year old and she was a great and wonderful person. It didn't work out but not because of her age. I would just tell her how great and beautiful she is and she will forget about the age thing.
reservoirdog1 Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 About a year ago, I went on one date with a 46-year-old woman. I was 32. We'd met online, chatted through MSN a lot, cybersex on one occasion. She'd been the one who initially approached me. Anyway, we met for dinner, in a fairly crowded, well-lit restaurant. Probably a mistake in retrospect (she'd suggested meeting at my place), but anyway... she had a lot of difficulty looking up from her plate and was practically shaking like a leaf. Said that she felt like everybody in the place was staring at her, wondering what an older woman was doing with a younger guy. (On first meeting face to face, she said something like "I can't believe I'm doing this -- after all, I'm old enough to be your... aunt?") That was as far as things went... just thought it was interesting that she'd been the one to initiate, and yet she was the one to get cold feet. No big deal though, and no hard feelings either way.
FataMorgana Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 Firstly, glad you found someone whom you like so much Best feeling in the world... I guess to make her more comfortable with the age thing, just persevere and be there, show her that it isn't a problem for you and you really adore her for who she is, without making much fuss about the age thing. Hopefully, in time she will get used to you being there by her side, just the way you are (meaning younger) and things are meant to be just the way they are. good luck with it.
Maria46 Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 When I was 35, I started dating a 24 year old guy. And he looked like he wasn't even 18. Looked like a son going out with his mom. It was fun for a while. The sex was great. I finally realized that we had nothing in common. We didn't relate to the same things. I already had two childlren and did not want anymore. I finally ended it.
RecordProducer Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 Originally posted by Woggle Oh hell no. I won't do that. Women my age are for the most part worthless. Maybe you don't get along with them, just like I am attracted to much older guys, but how can you use such words as worthless? She is still young and attractive, but in 10 years she will be a 50-year old woman and won't look so young anymore especially not after the menopause. And you will be 35. And in 20 years, you'll be in your sexiest age and she will be 60. At that time you won't think that 26-year old girls are worthless. It's kinda more natural when the man is older than the woman. My BF and his ex-wife are both 48. She's dating a guy who is in his 60's and he is dating a 30-year old woman. My friend and I are both 30; I am dating a 48-year old guy and he's engaged to a 19-year old.
Outcast Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 she will be a 50-year old woman and won't look so young anymore especially not after the menopause You haven't been paying attention, RP. 50's not scary nor is it the age of decline anymore. A lot of people are hitting their fifties and still looking great. Jane Fonda did an aerobic exercise video at 55. People of either gender can look great for a long time if they take care of themselves.
RecordProducer Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 Originally posted by Outcast You haven't been paying attention, RP. I see that you're paying attention to me regularly! Kinda... more than I need.
lindya Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 Originally posted by Star Gazer While factually correct, this just isn't realistic. Yes, people CAN look great for a long time, but in most circumstances, age does take a toll. A large one. This can't be denied. A lot of guys in their twenties are hooked on the "older woman" idea. There's the prospect of sexual experience, financial advantages, the nurturing approach the older woman will take (and the fact that she'll often seem more tolerant and less high maintenance than younger women). Then of course there's the seductive idea, for the man, that by going out with an older woman he'll be gaining maturity by proxy. I remember when I was in my teens and early twenties, guys my age would often boast about having had an involvement with an older woman. I think it sometimes gave them a sense of having gained life experience that their friends didn't have. What a man thinks he wants in his mid twenties can change dramatically by the time he's in his mid thirties, and it's wise for an older woman to retain a healthy amount of caution about any younger guy's interest in her. I know a couple of women in their thirties who've gone out with younger men. Fun as it might have been at the time, they ended up getting burned quite badly when the guys decided they wanted women their own age after all (which everyone other than the guys themselves and their older girlfriends always knew would happen in the end). I know that sounds a little negative, but unfortunately reality sometimes is.
alphamale Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 Originally posted by Star Gazer While factually correct, this just isn't realistic. Yes, people CAN look great for a long time, but in most circumstances, age does take a toll. A large one. I agree S.G. Since I just turned 40 i have some friends that are in their early 50s. For women turning 50 is usually the kiss of death, very few women of this age can attract any man they want anymore. A man of 50 may fare a bit better because he has more options especially if he is in decent shape and has a bit of money or a good job. The problem is that men also die off at younger ages so older women have a very very tough time finding decent men their own age. And if an older dude (>50) is in good shape and has some money they chance are great that he can attract a 35 year old woman and the 50 year old woman is left out in the cold.
Recommended Posts