Another New Girl, what do you think?

[todreaminblue]

im glad she is giving you a chance...just make the next date fun .....light hearted..... carefree ..enjoy the time you have together do something active....feel good emotions happen then when you are active..for both of you ...making it easier to communicate ...and do ask different questions ..ones that involve using a bit of intellect(brain exercise same deal....using your brain makes a person feel good)..so give your questions a bit of thought...not facts and figures that she could or can say like an autobot with no thought......maybe social issues .....world news....anything you are passionate about or you know that she is passionate about..common interests..be interested in her ...but more than that.....be interesting...different.......deb

[olivetree]

I think she’s probably waiting for me to reach out. I’ve lost women in the past by letting them go and not contacting them again and they are really upset when I run into them later on and I never reached out. Some girls have this idea in their head that they never want to Initiate or that they feel like they are bothering you. So I will reach out st some point tomorrow, but with 0 expectations. The fact she hasn’t texted me at all is kind of telling I agree..but I also know that isn’t always the case so it wouldn’t hurt to try especially when she said she wants to see me again

 

I think too much time has passed.

If you were going to reach out, it should have been many days ago to keep the connection going.

 

She also said she'd reach out and never did.

Why not just pursue someone that is more into you and you have more in common with?

[Highndry]

This gal has extremely low interest level, and she didn't even reach out when she said she would. I would not even waste my time. Why not give your attention to a woman worthy of it?

[justwhoiam]

The second date there was a lot of making out and touching etc.

Making out with a girl in fear that she friendzones you is SAD. If she thinks you're not worth it, she won't change her mind based on how you were all over her. In fact, it might be just the opposite. That might reinforce her ideas. See what I'm saying? However you behave during the date, there'll be a time when she will be by herself and thinking about it, and she will develop her own idea of how she felt with you and after being with you. And at that point, you can hardly change it.

 

she canceled because she was feeling sick from drinking the night before.

She's so valuable... she got so wasted that she can't even go out the next day, all day. Are you picking girls just about their looks? If you want to go out with a party girl, don't expect anything steady. Don't complain if she cancels on you multiple times. Don't have any expectations. She doesn't have to make sense... she's the party girl!

 

She asked to reschedule for another day.

You complied.

 

But apparently she has a skin issue acting up and wants to hold off the date.

You know that was BS, in fact you wrote "apparently". Had she been a different girl, I would have suggested you reassure her.

 

I asked her to be honest and whether she wants to see me again or not and that I’m totally cool with it if she doesn’t, I just don’t want to waste time guessing.

Despite what others said, I don't think you said anything wrong. You gave her the chance to be clear and not hide herself behind excuses, like: I won't get offended if you think I'm not your type. And without saying that, you wouldn't have prompted the message that followed.

 

She wrote "I'd like to see you again" = She's keeping the door open. She didn't feel like turning you down, for whatever reason. For now, you're good enough to keep on the backburner.

 

She wrote "it's hard for me to promise anything at this point" = Don't expect anything from me. Not even consistency. If you accept this, you can't complain later on, because she was clear.

 

She wrote "you probably like me more than I like you" = Even if the wording might make you think otherwise, she is sure about that. When you read/hear something like this from a girl, don't waste any more time, unless she's a real keeper and you want to pursue her real hard. This is not the case, for so many reasons.

 

She wrote "Yes I cancelled Sunday" = reworded: I had no intention of going out with you, and I made up an excuse.

 

She wrote "but tomorrow was never a set thing" = that is "It's not that I planned this ahead of time", nevertheless, she felt better not seeing you.

 

she canceled the planned third date but offered to rescheduled another day

But she never did. And you know why? Because she doesn't care about going out with you. Backburner...

 

I would just not initiate any contact. If she wants that date - let her set it up.

Follow this piece of advice. But I guess you won't, will you?

 

I always multi-date anyway

Then what do you expect? Don't you see women are hardly interested in you? This matches the kind of interest you have in them. If you want to raise the quality and value of your dates, stop multi-dating. After all, quantity is doing nothing for you, if you haven't realized yet. So time to stop and think a bit. Quality before quantity. Give it a try.

 

"I’ll probably bug you when you’re on your trip to see how you like it."

She didn't.

 

Some girls have this idea in their head that they never want to Initiate or that they feel like they are bothering you

I'm one of them. But this is not her case. She didn't contact you, because she's not that interested. Why would you want to force your presence on someone who's not interested? The only thing that might in fact raise her interest right now would be ignoring her.

 

So I will reach out st some point tomorrow

Shaking my head. I guess you deserve being rejected. You're your worst enemy. You come across as a giant turn off, and you don't care about it.

[winny]

I guess you deserve being rejected. You're your worst enemy. You come across as a giant turn off, and you don't care about it.

 

Yeah and he is still in denial.

[Kentucky]

Grey, you remind me of myself when I started dating a year ago. I still screw up from time to time.

 

Today, I'm getting ready to go on a third date with a girl that I think may become my best friend. Hint: I would never tell her that this early in the game.

 

But, the interest is high for both. She said "Again?" as I dropped her off at her place on our last date. I live two hours away so I texted to let her know that I made it home safely. She was glad and I told her I would get a hold of her in a few days to plan our next date.

 

And, guess what, we have done nothing more than hug. I know at some point we will kiss or hold hands when she's ready and has feelings for me. Let your date control the physical intimacy level. A girl that trusts you will let her guard down sooner rather than later.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I think that not contacting her during your trip was a wrong strategy.

 

Olive nailed it. I once dated a guy that I nicknamed "empty vessel". He was actually very attractive but he would only say really boring, generic things. Always texted me "how is your day?" with nothing funny/insightful in any way. He was also quick to get physical and sex was good so I gave him a proper chance.

 

He also gave me constant compliments that were also completely generic. Stuff like "You are pretty and smart and hard working". Yawn. The only thing he did (to I guess increase my interest level) was go NC for a few days periodically. That only made me feel even more disconnected - it always does with every guy I meet. The advice to go NC to increase interest level that men are given is actually horrible.

 

As for being a loner, I don't think being a loner in itself is why you are like this. It seems like you lack identity and just want to slot a warm body into the "girlfriend" spot. Women can sense that and it's a huge turn off. Do you even know who you are? If so, you need to show it to the next girl.

[SevenCity]

I think that not contacting her during your trip was a wrong strategy.

 

Olive nailed it. I once dated a guy that I nicknamed "empty vessel". He was actually very attractive but he would only say really boring, generic things. Always texted me "how is your day?" with nothing funny/insightful in any way. He was also quick to get physical and sex was good so I gave him a proper chance.

 

He also gave me constant compliments that were also completely generic. Stuff like "You are pretty and smart and hard working". Yawn. The only thing he did (to I guess increase my interest level) was go NC for a few days periodically. That only made me feel even more disconnected - it always does with every guy I meet. The advice to go NC to increase interest level that men are given is actually horrible.

 

As for being a loner, I don't think being a loner in itself is why you are like this. It seems like you lack identity and just want to slot a warm body into the "girlfriend" spot. Women can sense that and it's a huge turn off. Do you even know who you are? If so, you need to show it to the next girl.

 

Why should he contact a woman who said she would contact him? One who also said she likes him less?

 

As far as genuine compliments, a woman has to earn those. I’m not throwing around anything like that until she’s proven herself worthy.

[Gaeta]

 

The advice to go NC to increase interest level that men are given is actually horrible.

 

I second that.

 

Maybe going NC make men want us more but it's not the effect it has on women. It will a strong opposite effect.

[Gaeta]

Why should he contact a woman who said she would contact him? One who also said she likes him less?

 

That is not what she said and you need to keep it in context.

 

Grey40 over did it, he threw himself at her and she said *you like me more than I like you*. She was reacting to his over-proportionate attention.

[SevenCity]

That is not what she said and you need to keep it in context.

 

Grey40 over did it, he threw himself at her and she said *you like me more than I like you*. She was reacting to his over-proportionate attention.

 

I agree gray went overboard but that’s exactly what she meant. I find it off putting.

 

And she did say she might bother him on vaca so he should not have reached out to her.

[Grey40]

I don't think it would have mattered if I reached out to her or not on my trip, she had made up her mind for the most part before that. Clearly I was way too over-eager and that scared her off. I shouldn't have been so upfront with how I felt that early on, I messed up. After that second date is when she started getting dodgy and making excuses, I knew once she canceled two times in a row that it was done. She made it worse by saying "I want to see you again" which wasn't true.

 

I did contact her yesterday telling her that I had an awesome trip and it was a blast etc. etc. and then asked her if she was free to hang out again this weekend. Then she gave me the huge paragraph run-down we all dread. Apparently she wanted to use the time I was on my trip to "think about the situation". Here's what she wrote:

 

"Truthfully, since you've been gone I've been thinking about this situation a lot, and I don't think it's going to work for many reasons, but mainly the distance. I did feel a connection with you for sure, and we have a ton in common, but I spend so much time in my car as it is, I can't start something serious with someone who is a whole other separate commute away. I'm Sorry, you seem like a wonderful person and you deserve someone who can commit to you 100% and I just can't do that right now."

 

So I basically said alright I understand thanks for being honest and wished her luck. Then she texts me this morning, "I'd love to still stay in touch as friends and hang out occasionally, but I totally understand if that's not something you want". So I replied, "Friends with Benefits?" and she said, "No. Nevermind." haha.

[dumbass2]

Yeah, you don't want the consolation prize of being friends. I liked your response though.

[Jj66]

Lmao!! I may have to use your friend's with benefits line if I am ever dating again and someone asks if we can just be friends.

[Miss Spider]

Then she texts me this morning, "I'd love to still stay in touch as friends and hang out occasionally, but I totally understand if that's not something you want". So I replied, "Friends with Benefits?" and she said, "No. Nevermind." haha.

 

haha xD nice answer

[Gaeta]

Each meeting teaches us something about ourselves that's why the journey is as important as finding 'the one'.

[Kentucky]

Grey, I'm going to make a comment. I'm terrible at making compliments, in fact you can tell my compliments are almost scripted when I do make one. I try to do one a date with how great they look.

 

I show girls I like them in other ways - by paying for our dates, opening doors, car doors, and having good quality conversation. Trust me, they will know you like them without you making non-stop compliments.

[Purepony]

Haha good job on the last part ! Haha love it !

I would have done the same