Another New Girl, what do you think?

January 31, 2018

when it comes to women Grey40, patience really is a virtue

January 31, 2018

Nah, it got awkward because she knows you are, as you confessed, too keen on her, and she is nowhere near that point with you. It's fine if you're keen on her, of course, but restraint cannot be emphasized enough in the first date or so because if you are too quick to get overly excited before you even know anything about them, it is a red flag that it's mostly the physical attraction and also makes you seem desperate and overly eager, and it's just not a good look. Compliments, as you've seen on this forum, work on some women and totally make others very suspicious and self-conscious. I am of the latter ilk, at least a compliment about my looks. Complimenting clothing is ok with me and something about the way I think or something like that, but to just say something about a person's body is just not really what most women value.

I don't think you should contact her anymore. But lesson learned, right? Use restraint. Like say "You look nice," something that general, but don't salivate over someone and once in a date is plenty or even more than plenty. At least go through the motions of wanting to find out who she is.

January 31, 2018

Olive tree you are totally right, I definitley have a huge problem building a connection. It’s always been that way. I never feel like I connect to people on the same level and I’ve never felt like I truly “fit in” either. I’m more the loner type. But I feel it goes both ways as well. Girls that I have had success dating for a while in the past were into me enough to mutually buOld a connection. It wasn’t just me reaching out or feeling one-sided. Usually I wouldn have to reach out, they reached out to me and kept everything going. And perhaps some of these women I don’t really care that much about either I guess. I want to, but sometimes just can’t—maybe they aren’t the right person for me or maybe I really have to click with someone. This women I’m talking about I’m this thread, we hit it off pretty well on our first two dates. We really don’t even have that much in common but our conversational style flow together really well and we have the same kind of humor that we both appreciate and understand.

Part of me getting so physical early on is partially because I don’t want to lose them or get friendZoned, but I agree that it’s probably coming off as ingenuine—like I’m trying to be intimate out of desperation instead of getting to know them. Because when I’ve waited to be physical they always don’t “feel romantic connection”. I think woth this date I did everything fine but just said some clingy things in the moment that I shouldn’t have that scared her. Luckily she’s a forg Vicing woman.

Nothing wrong with being a loner, assuming you do actually have some friends.

Personally, I like a guy that does his own thing.

I think in addition to scaring some women off, you're also pursuing a lot of women that aren't right for you and letting them decide it's not a match.

Because really you should be the one deciding you don't want to continue dating a lot of these women.

I wouldn't worry too much about getting friend-zoned.

I think when you end up there, it was almost always inevitable anyway (something not right).

Try to create romantic energy in other ways - like by getting to know her deeply, more than you would a friend.

Eg. Don't just ask how many brothers and sisters she has. Ask who her favourite sibling is and why.

Flirt and smile when it feels right - don't force it.

Let the physical stuff happen naturally, like when you can tell that you're both really feeling each other.

There's got to be some good resources out there on how to build a connection with people.

I'd start doing my homework if I were you

Edited January 31, 2018 by olivetree

January 31, 2018

Just stop obsessing. It's very unattractive. A little mystery might go a long way for you. Give them a reason to want to get to know you. I am sure you're more than just a good looking guy. Turn the tables and let the women be the ones obsessing over you.

January 31, 2018

Do you have a beard or did you have stubble? Maybe she got face rug burn from making out with you.

Lol, I feel like this is directed at me.

Any way, I read through the thread and it seems like she actually do like you. I would never follow up like that if I was not interested!

January 31, 2018

You know, a really good rule, and one that I violated religiously when young but finally learned, is it's really a pretty good plan on the first 3-4 dates to not be serious about anything, just keep it light, just try to be entertaining and amusing and have a few laughs and not talk about your feelings, your past loves, your childhood issues, or how desperately you want to find a mate. Make it a rule to just lighten up and have fun the first few dates so you don't reveal desperation or plunge into problems before you even know the person.

January 31, 2018

You know, a really good rule, and one that I violated religiously when young but finally learned, is it's really a pretty good plan on the first 3-4 dates to not be serious about anything, just keep it light, just try to be entertaining and amusing and have a few laughs and not talk about your feelings, your past loves, your childhood issues, or how desperately you want to find a mate. Make it a rule to just lighten up and have fun the first few dates so you don't reveal desperation or plunge into problems before you even know the person.

Yep. Step skipping.

February 1, 2018

You know, a really good rule, and one that I violated religiously when young but finally learned, is it's really a pretty good plan on the first 3-4 dates to not be serious about anything, just keep it light, just try to be entertaining and amusing and have a few laughs and not talk about your feelings, your past loves, your childhood issues, or how desperately you want to find a mate. Make it a rule to just lighten up and have fun the first few dates so you don't reveal desperation or plunge into problems before you even know the person.

Totally agree...

Gray, you are being too intense and rushed in the dating process. I say CHILL OUT

February 1, 2018

OP, you have posted so many threads that all end up the same.
I do see the positive update that she wants to see you and is giving this a chance.
How about we change your pattern though so this doesn't crash and burn like the rest?

This is what I see:
1) You ask out immediately, not much rapport built.
2) When in person, you're all over them physically and gushing - again not much rapport made / connection built.
3) Little contact between dates except to set things up, or boring chit chat (good morning, how is your day type exchanges). You think this comes off as less clingy - it just comes off as not much genuine interest when combined with the in-person stuff.
4) They lose interest fast.

All this together, and they think that you're not actually into them as a person but you're filling a void.
I don't know how you come off in person, but they might think you're good looking but you have no personality - like an empty vessel.

I think you need to focus on building a connection, because your gushiness feels disingenuous, like you said - solely built on physical attraction and seeming desperation.

No girl wants to feel like she could be any girl - she wants to feel special, like you're picky and chose her.
The rate at which you meet girls and seem to be interested in every single girl you go out with - well, they are probably feeling that they could be anyone that is physically attractive enough to you.
Even if your goal is to bed them and they are fine with that, desperation is not a turn on.

That's the impression I get from reading your posts anyway.
I know it seems harsh, but I want you to have more success.

Nicely summed up OP's behavior...!

February 1, 2018

Whoa, this would totally turn me off. She's completely full of herself.

Yea, I’m kind of in a similar sitch. Giving guy a second try at bat and trying to put together what I’m going to say. I want to be gentle. I’m all sick and stuff too at the moment so it’s hard to be articulate.

I'd like to see you again, It’s only been on two dates so it's hard for me to promise anything at this point. I do feel like you probably like me more than I like you at this point, and sometimes that can weird me out a little. Yes I cancelled Sunday, but tomorrow was never a set thing and my skin is not in good shape right now so I think it's for the best we hold off.”

But I’m definitely not saying anything like this. Holy Arrogance and even if she knows that how about keeping it to herself? Especially considering she lead you on sort of/was a participant. That’s kind of a rude thing to say and she’s on a definite power trip.I wonder why you’d want to go out with her again with this kind of dynamic?

Edited February 1, 2018 by Cookiesandough

February 1, 2018

Cancelling multiple dates when you have only been out a few times definitely is a red flag. There are a ton of reasons why she may have cancelled so don't take it personal. You do have to watch being overaggressive after a few days though. Good luck to you!

February 1, 2018

We went on two dates. The second date there was a lot of making out and touching etc. we both complimented each other and it seemed it went really well; but I did definitely overdo it with compliments and came off as a little too keen which she admitted kind of weirded her out a bit.

We planned to have a date this past Sunday but she canceled because she was feeling sick from drinking the night before. She asked to reschedule for another day. I’m going away on a trip this weekend so we figured out that Wednesday was the only day that would work. But apparently she has a skin issue acting up and wants to hold off the date. She asked if we can wait until next week when I get back from my trip. I said yeah but I asked her to be honest and whether she wants to see me again or not and that I’m totally cool with it if she doesn’t, I just don’t want to waste time guessing. So she sent this back:

“I'd like to see you again, It’s only been on two dates so it's hard for me to promise anything at this point. I do feel like you probably like me more than I like you at this point, and sometimes that can weird me out a little. Yes I cancelled Sunday, but tomorrow was never a set thing and my skin is not in good shape right now so I think it's for the best we hold off.”

So I said yeah no problem enjoy the rest of your week. So my initial reaction is that she’s no longer interested and wants to fade out rather than telling me. She did say she wanted to see me again but then threw in the “no promises” crap. Is this one a lost cause or do you think maybe she’s being legit? She’s 32 btw. I highly doubt there’s another guy in the picture because of her lifestyle and job but that’s possible too I guess, maybe she wants to use this week to see how that goes.

Everyone seems to be getting on the girl for saying this, that she is full of herself or something. Maybe, but it's quite often the unvarnished so-called impolite comments that give the best feedback. C'mon, don't even TRY to tell me that none of us have thought likewise when we feel someone comes on too strong too early. The big difference is that this girl actually shared w her date that thought straight-up!

Anyway this is more a general comment. OP, from your threads you seem to have recurring issues with girls flaking/disappearing after a couple of dates. I wonder if this girl gave you the reason why--that you are too intense.

Edited February 1, 2018 by Imajerk17

February 1, 2018

Everyone seems to be getting on the girl for saying this, that she is full of herself or something. Maybe, but it's quite often the unvarnished comments that give the best feedback. C'mon, don't even TRY to tell me that none of us have thought likewise when we feel someone comes on too strong too early. The big difference is that this girl actually shared w her date that thought straight-up!

Anyway this is more a general comment. OP, from your threads you seem to have recurring issues with girls flaking/disappearing after a couple of dates. I wonder if this girl gave you the reason why--that you are too intense.

That’s a good point but particularly if she is considering to keep dating him, this kind of bluntness can put a bad taste in people’s mouths. Just a simple “ it’s going it little fast for me” might have been better. I mean how awkward will it be on the date for someone who was told by the other that the amount they like them weirds them out. It’s too frank imo

I mean I don’t know if OP is just trying to bang, but who wants a relationship that started out with someone texting them that after the second date?

Edited February 1, 2018 by Cookiesandough

February 2, 2018

Anyway this is more a general comment. OP, from your threads you seem to have recurring issues with girls flaking/disappearing after a couple of dates. I wonder if this girl gave you the reason why--that you are too intense.

Agree with Imajerk! I think this is the issue.

February 2, 2018

Agree with Imajerk! I think this is the issue.

I agree too. This is the issue... nothing else.

February 2, 2018

Lol, I feel like this is directed at me.

Well you did bring up the topic recently.

I have another friend who made out with a guy one night and cuz of the stubble burn broke out in painful cold sores on her face. So because of one night of making out with a virtual stranger, she had to endure a few weeks of pain and embarrassment b

Imagine if that that happened to the OP’s girl? Do you think she’d want to see him again right away?

February 2, 2018

Grey40 you have a date for the weekend with this woman?

February 3, 2018

Grey40 you have a date for the weekend with this woman?

I don’t I’m away on my trip this weekend, so I’ll reach out when I get back on Monday. Haven’t heard from her since that last conversation when she said she’d probably bother me on my trip..which hasn’t happened yet.

February 4, 2018

Ok have not heard from her since Wednesday it’s now Sunday. Should I reach out tomorrow if I don’t hear frOm her? I don’t want to come off needy since I already did, but do want to see her again. I thought she would have texted me by now.

February 4, 2018

Ok have not heard from her since Wednesday it’s now Sunday. Should I reach out tomorrow if I don’t hear frOm her? I don’t want to come off needy since I already did, but do want to see her again. I thought she would have texted me by now.

no, you shouldn't reach out to her, EVER

February 4, 2018

I would not contact her; she said she'd "bug you to see how you liked it" and she never did. Look at actions and not words 100% of the time, okay?

Personally I'm put off by the tone of her words; I've been doing a little OLD lately and I've dropped lots of women for coming across less arrogantly than she.

And what's with the "to see how you like it" thing? That sounds aggressive and negative to me.

I don't think she respects you, Grey40. This is how the game is played. Once a man loses a woman's respect it's over. You lose her respect by coming from a place of scarcity, of desperation, of clingy neediness.

My priceless advice is to move on, go NC with this one, and work on your self-worth. Women truly do appreciate a confident man who does his own thing with a passion, a man who doesn't appear to need anything because he's got his life together, he's a whole person in and of himself.

You've gotta stop caring what people think, my friend; care about what *you* think, then everything will fall into place.

Don't contact her! If she texts you again post it here before you respond. Let's see if you can turn this one around by being indifferent. You might still have a chance.

February 4, 2018

That’s a good point but particularly if she is considering to keep dating him, this kind of bluntness can put a bad taste in people’s mouths. Just a simple “ it’s going it little fast for me” might have been better. I mean how awkward will it be on the date for someone who was told by the other that the amount they like them weirds them out. It’s too frank imo

I mean I don’t know if OP is just trying to bang, but who wants a relationship that started out with someone texting them that after the second date?

Yeah it is either a sign of poor social skills or she isn't bothered about potentially nuking this particular situation. Given the fact that she has disappeared I would say it is the latter

February 4, 2018

I think she’s probably waiting for me to reach out. I’ve lost women in the past by letting them go and not contacting them again and they are really upset when I run into them later on and I never reached out. Some girls have this idea in their head that they never want to Initiate or that they feel like they are bothering you. So I will reach out st some point tomorrow, but with 0 expectations. The fact she hasn’t texted me at all is kind of telling I agree..but I also know that isn’t always the case so it wouldn’t hurt to try especially when she said she wants to see me again

February 4, 2018

Gosh it never ends.............

February 4, 2018

so it wouldn’t hurt to try especially when she said she wants to see me again

Is he ever going to learn his lesson..................

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