Grey40 Posted January 31, 2018 Posted January 31, 2018 (edited) We went on two dates. The second date there was a lot of making out and touching etc. we both complimented each other and it seemed it went really well; but I did definitely overdo it with compliments and came off as a little too keen which she admitted kind of weirded her out a bit. We planned to have a date this past Sunday but she canceled because she was feeling sick from drinking the night before. She asked to reschedule for another day. I’m going away on a trip this weekend so we figured out that Wednesday was the only day that would work. But apparently she has a skin issue acting up and wants to hold off the date. She asked if we can wait until next week when I get back from my trip. I said yeah but I asked her to be honest and whether she wants to see me again or not and that I’m totally cool with it if she doesn’t, I just don’t want to waste time guessing. So she sent this back: “I'd like to see you again, It’s only been on two dates so it's hard for me to promise anything at this point. I do feel like you probably like me more than I like you at this point, and sometimes that can weird me out a little. Yes I cancelled Sunday, but tomorrow was never a set thing and my skin is not in good shape right now so I think it's for the best we hold off.” So I said yeah no problem enjoy the rest of your week. So my initial reaction is that she’s no longer interested and wants to fade out rather than telling me. She did say she wanted to see me again but then threw in the “no promises” crap. Is this one a lost cause or do you think maybe she’s being legit? She’s 32 btw. I highly doubt there’s another guy in the picture because of her lifestyle and job but that’s possible too I guess, maybe she wants to use this week to see how that goes. Edited January 31, 2018 by Grey40
winny Posted January 31, 2018 Posted January 31, 2018 "I said yeah but I asked her to be honest and whether she wants to see me again or not and that I’m totally cool with it if she doesn’t, I just don’t want to waste time guessing." Shouldn't have said all this stuff. Too much just after 2 dates. Back off and ask her out when you are back and please keep it light.... 8
Author Grey40 Posted January 31, 2018 Author Posted January 31, 2018 "I said yeah but I asked her to be honest and whether she wants to see me again or not and that I’m totally cool with it if she doesn’t, I just don’t want to waste time guessing." Shouldn't have said all this stuff. Too much just after 2 dates. Back off and ask her out when you are back and please keep it light.... I thought about it, but I don’t want to beat around the bush. I don’t want to wait all weneked and then have her say she’s not interested just tell me if thats the case so I can move on. The reason I even did is because I suspect that she’s pulling away..canceling two dates in a row there’s clearly something wrong. I don’t text her very much at all and haven’t acted clingy until her second excuse. I guess I could have just moved on without mentioning anything, but too late for that now.may have made things worse by saying that.
callmegm Posted January 31, 2018 Posted January 31, 2018 I wouldn't be surprised if she was freaked out a bit, what with it being just two dates. I am however on your side of things when it comes dating and people playing games. I have never wasted time when it came to dating. I don't like playing games and I don't like second guessing what stuff means. So if I'm worried I'm being faded out, I ask. Have I chased away guys because of this? Yes. Of course. Especially in this kind of dating climate. But I don't think I wasted my time, and eventually I found someone that understood how I work in relationships. 1
Author Grey40 Posted January 31, 2018 Author Posted January 31, 2018 I wouldn't be surprised if she was freaked out a bit, what with it being just two dates. I am however on your side of things when it comes dating and people playing games. I have never wasted time when it came to dating. I don't like playing games and I don't like second guessing what stuff means. So if I'm worried I'm being faded out, I ask. Have I chased away guys because of this? Yes. Of course. Especially in this kind of dating climate. But I don't think I wasted my time, and eventually I found someone that understood how I work in relationships. Yeah I’ve just been in this situation too many times where I can’t tell what the girl is thinking and end up wasting time trying to figure it out, and take her out again trying to read signals and I don’t see the point, just be upfront that you’re not feeling it. Some women are, most aren’t. (And I know men are the same). Sometimes they don’t have to tell you because the signs are obvious, but then sometimes they do mixed crap like this—she canceled the planned third date but offered to rescheduled another day which told me ok cool it’s legit and she’s still interested. But now another excuse on the rescheduled date, just doesn’t add up really. She’s saying she feels overwhelmed and stuff.
dumbass2 Posted January 31, 2018 Posted January 31, 2018 Yes, you should not have said that. When you're feeling that way, best to go with your gut and just find someone else to go put with. You don't need to question her interest. She gave you a heads up after the second date saying you weirded her out. Then cancelled using a poor excuse, then another excuse with her skin. You had all you needed to know to move on and not invest any more at that point. You let her contact you again if SHE is interested, which she doesn't appear to be. By the way, she maybe did the fade out, but her actions told you what you needed to know. She has told you, you're just not observing her actions. If you have to question whether a girl is interested in you, odds are she isn't.
winny Posted January 31, 2018 Posted January 31, 2018 I thought about it, but I don’t want to beat around the bush. I don’t want to wait all weneked and then have her say she’s not interested just tell me if thats the case so I can move on. The reason I even did is because I suspect that she’s pulling away..canceling two dates in a row there’s clearly something wrong. I don’t text her very much at all and haven’t acted clingy until her second excuse. I guess I could have just moved on without mentioning anything, but too late for that now.may have made things worse by saying that. Yep, thats what you need to learn, have a thicker skin, not bothering too much about women you met once or twice and having this need to know whether they want to see you again or not. You ask them for a date, if they say no, you try once or twice more and then move on... don't waste time thinking if they liked you or not and why, what could be the secret message behind their text. What their body language meant, if they are playing games or not etc etc etc. Such a big waste of your time and emotional energy. 1
Author Grey40 Posted January 31, 2018 Author Posted January 31, 2018 Yep, thats what you need to learn, have a thicker skin, not bothering too much about women you met once or twice and having this need to know whether they want to see you again or not. You ask them for a date, if they say no, you try once or twice more and then move on... don't waste time thinking if they liked you or not and why, what could be the secret message behind their text. What their body language meant, if they are playing games or not etc etc etc. Such a big waste of your time and emotional energy. Ok. What did you take from her response? Do you think she wants to see me or is hoping that i just go away??
Highndry Posted January 31, 2018 Posted January 31, 2018 “I'd like to see you again, It’s only been on two dates so it's hard for me to promise anything at this point. I do feel like you probably like me more than I like you at this point, and sometimes that can weird me out a little. Yes I cancelled Sunday, but tomorrow was never a set thing and my skin is not in good shape right now so I think it's for the best we hold off.” Whoa, this would totally turn me off. She's completely full of herself. 6
callmegm Posted January 31, 2018 Posted January 31, 2018 But now another excuse on the rescheduled date, just doesn’t add up really. She’s saying she feels overwhelmed and stuff. I would just not initiate any contact. If she wants that date - let her set it up. If she acts too late and you've already found someone else, then that's her problem. You did more than what you needed to do when it comes to asking her out. My rule when it comes to cancelled dates: You can only cancel on my twice - after that, I'd probably not even bother texting. 2
Author Grey40 Posted January 31, 2018 Author Posted January 31, 2018 I would just not initiate any contact. If she wants that date - let her set it up. If she acts too late and you've already found someone else, then that's her problem. You did more than what you needed to do when it comes to asking her out. My rule when it comes to cancelled dates: You can only cancel on my twice - after that, I'd probably not even bother texting. Yeah this was my plan. I’m going to move on like it’s over and if she happens to reach out I’ll deal with it then based on how I’m feeling. I always multi-date anyway to avoid this kind of stuff 1
winny Posted January 31, 2018 Posted January 31, 2018 Ok. What did you take from her response? Do you think she wants to see me or is hoping that i just go away?? Do YOU want to see her again? I think she is neutral at this moment. If you play it cool she may agree to go out again. But do you want to? 1
Popsicle Posted January 31, 2018 Posted January 31, 2018 Do you have a beard or did you have stubble? Maybe she got face rug burn from making out with you. 4
heavenonearth Posted January 31, 2018 Posted January 31, 2018 TThis is what i would write to a guy if i didn’t want to tell him straight up that i am not interested ... Move on. 1
MaleIntuition Posted January 31, 2018 Posted January 31, 2018 TThis is what i would write to a guy if i didn’t want to tell him straight up that i am not interested ... Move on. Why would you tell a guy you don’t want to see again that you would like to see him again? 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 31, 2018 Posted January 31, 2018 I think this is a combination of you coming on too strong and her being self conscious about whatever her skin issue is. Giving her some time and space will "solve" both of these problems. You have no choice but to patiently wait this one out.
Author Grey40 Posted January 31, 2018 Author Posted January 31, 2018 She texted me again this morning: “ I know you didn’t mean to make me feel weird, it’s fine. I think we both got a little ahead of ourselves. But I still would like to see you again. Have a good week yourself, I’ll probably bug you when you’re on your trip to see how you like it.” 2
Miss Spider Posted January 31, 2018 Posted January 31, 2018 Can you elaborate a bit on overdoing it or is it something you want to forget. Because if it’s just an extra text or two she might be exaggerating as an out. But if you set off her puts the lotion on the skin alarm, you have to damage control. Go complete NC for awhile is my advice. Don’t try to “talk” her into liking you again. You looked too needy for her and she believes you are desperate so she lost attraction. When she sees you’re just fine-o without her all will be well again
Author Grey40 Posted January 31, 2018 Author Posted January 31, 2018 Can you elaborate a bit on overdoing it or is it something you want to forget. Because if it’s just an extra text or two she might be exaggerating as an out. But if you set off her puts the lotion on the skin alarm, you have to damage control. Go complete NC for awhile is my advice. Don’t try to “talk” her into liking you again. You looked too needy for her and she believes you are desperate so she lost attraction. When she sees you’re just fine-o without her all will be well again There was a lot of touching and we made out a lot, but I overdid the compliments for sure. Almost to the point where they could have come off as ingenuine. I did really like her, but I kind of confessed that too much, I can see where she got a little uneasy about it. And we opened to each other a lot, and talked about pretty personal stuff for a second date. But she’s at fault too because she did the same thing. Yeah I’m just going to respond to her text later by saying thanks but other than that will go NC until I get back from the trip 2
Gaeta Posted January 31, 2018 Posted January 31, 2018 Look where making assumptions took you again. You *assumed* because she wanted to move your next date she was not interested anymore. And because you *assumed* that you said some unattractive passive-aggressive. If you had just ACCEPTED her explanation and not assume anything, you would not find yourself in this position of appearing needy or cligny or creepy. I have my idea why she wanted to wait another week to see you, she probably has a cold sore. See how I keep things on the positive side? She said she has a skin condition, believe her. The other thing about her saying she can't promise anything, it's normal. The way you confronted her was creepy.
Gaeta Posted January 31, 2018 Posted January 31, 2018 She texted me again this morning: “ I know you didn’t mean to make me feel weird, it’s fine. I think we both got a little ahead of ourselves. But I still would like to see you again. Have a good week yourself, I’ll probably bug you when you’re on your trip to see how you like it.” You're a darn lucky man! She's giving you another chance. She decided to not *assume* anything and let it unfold naturally. I suggest you do the same. 1
olivetree Posted January 31, 2018 Posted January 31, 2018 (edited) There was a lot of touching and we made out a lot, but I overdid the compliments for sure. Almost to the point where they could have come off as ingenuine. I did really like her, but I kind of confessed that too much, I can see where she got a little uneasy about it. And we opened to each other a lot, and talked about pretty personal stuff for a second date. But she’s at fault too because she did the same thing. Yeah I’m just going to respond to her text later by saying thanks but other than that will go NC until I get back from the trip OP, you have posted so many threads that all end up the same. I do see the positive update that she wants to see you and is giving this a chance. How about we change your pattern though so this doesn't crash and burn like the rest? This is what I see: 1) You ask out immediately, not much rapport built. 2) When in person, you're all over them physically and gushing - again not much rapport made / connection built. 3) Little contact between dates except to set things up, or boring chit chat (good morning, how is your day type exchanges). You think this comes off as less clingy - it just comes off as not much genuine interest when combined with the in-person stuff. 4) They lose interest fast. All this together, and they think that you're not actually into them as a person but you're filling a void. I don't know how you come off in person, but they might think you're good looking but you have no personality - like an empty vessel. I think you need to focus on building a connection, because your gushiness feels disingenuous, like you said - solely built on physical attraction and seeming desperation. No girl wants to feel like she could be any girl - she wants to feel special, like you're picky and chose her. The rate at which you meet girls and seem to be interested in every single girl you go out with - well, they are probably feeling that they could be anyone that is physically attractive enough to you. Even if your goal is to bed them and they are fine with that, desperation is not a turn on. That's the impression I get from reading your posts anyway. I know it seems harsh, but I want you to have more success. Edited January 31, 2018 by olivetree 7
Author Grey40 Posted January 31, 2018 Author Posted January 31, 2018 Olive tree you are totally right, I definitley have a huge problem building a connection. It’s always been that way. I never feel like I connect to people on the same level and I’ve never felt like I truly “fit in” either. I’m more the loner type. But I feel it goes both ways as well. Girls that I have had success dating for a while in the past were into me enough to mutually buOld a connection. It wasn’t just me reaching out or feeling one-sided. Usually I wouldn have to reach out, they reached out to me and kept everything going. And perhaps some of these women I don’t really care that much about either I guess. I want to, but sometimes just can’t—maybe they aren’t the right person for me or maybe I really have to click with someone. This women I’m talking about I’m this thread, we hit it off pretty well on our first two dates. We really don’t even have that much in common but our conversational style flow together really well and we have the same kind of humor that we both appreciate and understand. Part of me getting so physical early on is partially because I don’t want to lose them or get friendZoned, but I agree that it’s probably coming off as ingenuine—like I’m trying to be intimate out of desperation instead of getting to know them. Because when I’ve waited to be physical they always don’t “feel romantic connection”. I think woth this date I did everything fine but just said some clingy things in the moment that I shouldn’t have that scared her. Luckily she’s a forg Vicing woman. 2
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