Jojo_33 Posted January 30, 2018 Posted January 30, 2018 I been with this guy almost 3 years I love him to death. We had an amazing start on our relationship when it was just the two of us. Amazing passionate sex and he was aggressive in a good way. We recently moved in together and had an agreement that we wouldn't butt into parenting with each other's kids. He has no patience when it comes to my kids and he takes out his anger and aggravation from his son out on me. He has his son every other week and when he has him he will sleep with him in the living room. He won't ever come to bed with me. We can't even have a conversation with out his son interrupting. We barely have sex any more. I feel like I have to beg him to show me attention or make love. He blames my kids for our problems when I've tried to keep our relationship separate. What do I do? I love him so much and don't know if I can save this relationship.
d0nnivain Posted January 30, 2018 Posted January 30, 2018 If you can't fix these parenting issues, love won't keep you together. You also need to look at how this affects your children. Your kids have to realize that he has no patience with them. They see how he treats them differently then his bio son. What messages is that sending your children? 3
Gaeta Posted January 30, 2018 Posted January 30, 2018 Living together doesn't work. You tried it and it doesn't work. Go back to living in separate homes till the kids are grown up. I know a couple that bought a duplex. She lived downstairs with her 2 daughters from a previous marriage and the boyfriend lived upstairs. It was the perfect set up for them. The girls are all grown up and gone now and they enjoy being just the 2 of them. 2
Lamartine Posted January 30, 2018 Posted January 30, 2018 I think what disturbs me most is that he is taking out anger he has towards his son on you. Regardless of difference in parenting styles, he needs to treat you with respect and kindness, not misdirected ire. Also, there seems to be an imbalance. You are trying to respect your agreement not to interfere in each other's parenting, but it sounds like his approach with your kids is not as hands off. If you and your children are not being treated correctly by this man, then it is time to move on because your problems move beyond parenting styles into relationship dysfunction. 4
smackie9 Posted January 30, 2018 Posted January 30, 2018 How to make this stop? stop living together, then reassess the relationship....maybe it's time to move on. 1
darkmoon Posted January 30, 2018 Posted January 30, 2018 (edited) he blames your son, not good for an adult to blame a minor, pretty unfair I would be careful, he sounds like a crap step-parent does he secretly resent your boy's dad as being the man who used to make love to you? does this fuel his blame-game? Edited January 30, 2018 by darkmoon
LovelyRose Posted January 31, 2018 Posted January 31, 2018 I been with this guy almost 3 years I love him to death. We had an amazing start on our relationship when it was just the two of us. Amazing passionate sex and he was aggressive in a good way. We recently moved in together and had an agreement that we wouldn't butt into parenting with each other's kids. He has no patience when it comes to my kids and he takes out his anger and aggravation from his son out on me. He has his son every other week and when he has him he will sleep with him in the living room. He won't ever come to bed with me. We can't even have a conversation with out his son interrupting. We barely have sex any more. I feel like I have to beg him to show me attention or make love. He blames my kids for our problems when I've tried to keep our relationship separate. What do I do? I love him so much and don't know if I can save this relationship. Your title is wrong. Your relationship is over not because of your kids. He may have been an amazing boyfriend just the two of you, but now living together showed you another side of him. The ugly side. He has no patience with your kids? Oh no dear, if I was his girlfriend, he'd be in so much trouble by now. To top it off, he uses you as his punching bag when aggravated with his own son. His own kid that he only sees every other weekend. Big no, this is not gonna fly with me. How could he blame your kids for what's happening in your relationship? Who are the adults here!?!?? Seriously!!??? In all honesty, if my partner doesn't treat my kids right, I'M OUT! Treating them right I mean like respect my kids and genuinely care for them like an uncle. I'm not looking for a father replacement. Just don't hurt my kids and respect them. You still love this man to death despite this ugly behavior? Then back track and go back to living separately. Who cares about this guy and your relationship!? For YOUR OWN KIDS'' SAKE MOVE THEM OUT AND AWAY FROM HIM. 2
LovelyRose Posted January 31, 2018 Posted January 31, 2018 Your title is wrong. Your relationship is over not because of your kids. He may have been an amazing boyfriend just the two of you, but now living together showed you another side of him. The ugly side. He has no patience with your kids? Oh no dear, if I was his girlfriend, he'd be in so much trouble by now. To top it off, he uses you as his punching bag when aggravated with his own son. His own kid that he only sees every other weekend. Big no, this is not gonna fly with me. How could he blame your kids for what's happening in your relationship? Who are the adults here!?!?? Seriously!!??? In all honesty, if my partner doesn't treat my kids right, I'M OUT! Treating them right I mean like respect my kids and genuinely care for them like an uncle. I'm not looking for a father replacement. Just don't hurt my kids and respect them. You still love this man to death despite this ugly behavior? Then back track and go back to living separately. Who cares about this guy and your relationship!? For YOUR OWN KIDS'' SAKE MOVE THEM OUT AND AWAY FROM HIM. Sorry I misread the title. R in danger , not over. Which if that was me, it will be over. I can't respect a man who would blame my kids for bad things between us. No respect, no love. I'm nobody's punching bag either. He can't handle his own kid, then go after the baby mama and take it out on her. 1
act00 Posted January 31, 2018 Posted January 31, 2018 I'm assuming your children are with you more often than with their father...not sure what parenting arrangements you have, but this "hands off" approach to such a degree seems a bit off. He's living with your family and he's a "stepfather," and there needs to be a parental relationship, even if you defer to the bio parent for major parenting issues. I saw both my steps as parents, my stepfather moreso due to living with him. If families can't blend, it's going to be a battle. His parenting style is off. Annoyed with his child, annoyed at your children that he lives with, and sleeping with him in the living room? Is there a reason the child doesn't have a bedroom or can't share a room every other weekend? Not putting the child to bed and sharing a room/bed with you when the child is over is off. You're not a unit. I think that the dynamics with the children has shown his true colors after moving in together, and I don't know how young your kids are, but we're talking a really long time and many more years including the dreaded junior high (middle school) and rebellious teen years, and I don't see a cohesive support system between you two, nor between him and the kids. I think you need to think long and hard about if this is how you want to live the next decade or two of your life, and if you want to raise your children in it. 2
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