Gaeta Posted January 30, 2018 Posted January 30, 2018 Don't need it, I earn a good living without an extra income, I guess she could be a stay at home girlfriend. You don't want a girlfriend THAT bad right. You go to work and she stays home cleaning and cooking with no car at the door. She'll still need you for grocery shopping, doctor's appointments, and whats not. She'll be totally isolated, soon she'll have nothing interesting to share of her day and you'll grow bored. You're just coming out of a divorce, relax. You'll have many more girlfriends before you settle down again. 6
Author AngryGromit Posted January 30, 2018 Author Posted January 30, 2018 I'm not sure how she can be "outgoing and adventurous" if she's fine with being crippled by her driving situation. Perhaps you should take her on a fun date in a big parking lot or a remote area on a quiet Sun morning and give her a free driving lesson. I think that's a huge mistake, she has to want to drive. Taking her on a learn to drive date screams I want to pressure you to change. I'm sure that would be the last date I have with her.
Author AngryGromit Posted January 30, 2018 Author Posted January 30, 2018 You don't want a girlfriend THAT bad right. I guess your right, it's not a situation I'm looking for. Things are are not ideal, but it's working for me for now. Maybe she will get tired on relying on others and make more of an effort to drive. Even to be comfortable enough drive locally in light traffic conditions is something. I can can deal with the driving if we have to go into the city.
Gaeta Posted January 30, 2018 Posted January 30, 2018 I guess your right, it's not a situation I'm looking for. Things are are not ideal, but it's working for me for now. Maybe she will get tired on relying on others and make more of an effort to drive. Even to be comfortable enough drive locally in light traffic conditions is something. I can can deal with the driving if we have to go into the city. She is 48 years old. She would have grown tired of it a long time ago already.
Author AngryGromit Posted January 30, 2018 Author Posted January 30, 2018 She is 48 years old. She would have grown tired of it a long time ago already. Just to be fair, not knowing to drive in a metro area with lots of public transportation options available is different then not knowing how to drive in a rural area with few public transportation options. 1
Lamartine Posted January 30, 2018 Posted January 30, 2018 Maybe I'm missing something here, but I don't see how she is being particularly needy. She wants you to respond to her texts and call her occasionally? That seems completely reasonable to me. You don't seem willing to compromise with her. Would one night a week on the phone with her be so bad? If the answer is yes, then you may not enjoy her company enough to sustain a relationship. Both people in a relationship will have needs. Both people need to be able to make reasonable requests. Her requests seem reasonable. Don't fall into the trap I see too often with men (and probably some women too...I just don't know as I don't date them) of thinking that she is needy just because she doesn't want the same thing that you do all the time.
Lamartine Posted January 30, 2018 Posted January 30, 2018 I hadn't read the rest of the posts before my last post. I would be much more worried about the driving issue than anything else here. I realize that you think she needs to want it for herself, but maybe a push in that direction wouldn't hurt. She might need a little bit of prodding to build up her courage and confidence. There has to be a solution to her vision problem. I've had horrible vision since I was a teenager, and it hasn't kept me from getting corrective lenses or from driving. If you stay together, then she'll need to meet you halfway and either move somewhere that is public transportation accessible or learn to drive. You shouldn't have to take on the burden of caring for her financially or the hassle of driving her everywhere simply because she won't correct her mobility problem one way or another.
Whodatdog Posted January 30, 2018 Posted January 30, 2018 Im more concerned with the fact that you are recently divorced and seemingly ready to jump right back into a relationship, especially someone who's extremely dependent on her daughter, and may have no problem shifting that dependency to you. 3
Ruby Slippers Posted January 30, 2018 Posted January 30, 2018 I always find it off-putting when an adult doesn't drive and doesn't have the desire to, unless of course they live in a metropolitan area. I don't think she's needy because of desiring a "goodnight" text, but I think there are definitely some neediness red flags here with the driving thing. Seriously. This makes her as reliant as a dependent child I guess some men are looking for that. 1
basil67 Posted January 30, 2018 Posted January 30, 2018 Slightly off topic, but some posters are talking about it being simple courtesy to respond to a goodnight text. But I totally get not wanting to start the whole good morning/goodnight texting. If you don't want to be doing greeting texts, make it known from the outset that you only really use texting for planning purposes. 3
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 30, 2018 Posted January 30, 2018 Seriously. This makes her as reliant as a dependent child I guess some men are looking for that. Or settling for it. 1
MidwestUSA Posted January 30, 2018 Posted January 30, 2018 Just a note on driving when colorblind. My husband can't tell the difference between a red, yellow, and green light. When the eye doc asked what he does at a light, he replied 'whatever the person in front of me does'. I do the driving at night. Let's not encourage people who can't be safe to be out on the road. Off soapbox. 2
preraph Posted January 30, 2018 Posted January 30, 2018 Nah, I'm not about to start having to "check in" with someone first thing in the morning and again at night. I like to text/talk to someone when I have something to say. And I don't like to use up all my conversation via text just to baby-sit someone who either has too much time on their hands or is insecure or both. Don't make excuses. Tell her "I don't like to have to text very often." Period, no apologies. Just say no. 4
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 30, 2018 Posted January 30, 2018 Just a note on driving when colorblind. My husband can't tell the difference between a red, yellow, and green light. When the eye doc asked what he does at a light, he replied 'whatever the person in front of me does'. I do the driving at night. Let's not encourage people who can't be safe to be out on the road. Off soapbox. Good points. Still, it's not a task I'd want to take on unless I was really head over heels for someone. OP sounds "meh" at best about this women. (OK, maybe a tad more than "meh" ) 2
heavenonearth Posted January 31, 2018 Posted January 31, 2018 I always find it off-putting when an adult doesn't drive and doesn't have the desire to, unless of course they live in a metropolitan area. I don't think she's needy because of desiring a "goodnight" text, but I think there are definitely some neediness red flags here with the driving thing. I don’t think someone should be considered a red flag person just because they don’t drive Maybe it’s an American thing. I am from Europe and it is much more difficult here to get a driving license. I am 30 and don’t have one. I always lived in big cities. But i May want to live in the countryside at some point. Will i do my driving license then!? Depends if i have kids. But likely. I think your lady should do the license but should be encouraged to, not forced to. That said, i don’t see this as a red flag at all. Even phobias can be cured. And if you love someone (which you may will eventually) you can stand by a person to overcome something. If you don’t want to help her with this and want to bail because she’s doesn’t drive, then i think you don’t like her enough to begin with anyway and you should just tell her now before she falls in love with you. To each their own. 1
sdraw108 Posted January 31, 2018 Posted January 31, 2018 what if you are already asleep? That's an easy one. If you know they like good night texts, you send yours first, before you go to sleep. It doesn't have to be a response to theirs! 1
SevenCity Posted January 31, 2018 Posted January 31, 2018 That's an easy one. If you know they like good night texts, you send yours first, before you go to sleep. It doesn't have to be a response to theirs! Uhg. I hate when relationships have these rules that you have to follow as if it’s a job. 2
SevenCity Posted January 31, 2018 Posted January 31, 2018 She's excited about you, like being a kid in high school. If you feel things are going way too fast for you, then say something....you like her very much yes, but you are not into texting every single day...you are not there yet, that you are still getting to know her. Then ask her what her expectations are with communication, and discuss what is reasonable for the both of you, then adjust to everyone's satisfaction. Simple communication, and compromise....two very important aspects of a relationship. Good luck I think guys often forget how logical and reasonable women are. 1
d0nnivain Posted January 31, 2018 Posted January 31, 2018 That's an easy one. If you know they like good night texts, you send yours first, before you go to sleep. It doesn't have to be a response to theirs! I'm in trouble if my marriage ends. I don't want to get involved in texting good morning & goodnight. It actually annoys me when people send me those. I'll see you when I see you. I do make time for people in my life. I don't make time for my phone. 2
Author AngryGromit Posted January 31, 2018 Author Posted January 31, 2018 Im more concerned with the fact that you are recently divorced and seemingly ready to jump right back into a relationship... Not quite sure I understand this, I've been separated for almost a year living apart, is where some sort of one year moaning period after a divorce is finalized before I should be dating? Should I be wear black or something? 1
Author AngryGromit Posted January 31, 2018 Author Posted January 31, 2018 Just a note on driving when colorblind. My husband can't tell the difference between a red, yellow, and green light. When the eye doc asked what he does at a light, he replied 'whatever the person in front of me does'. The traffic lights are in a standard configuration, the top light is always green, and if the light is sideways, green on right. This is a standard configuration for all traffic lights in the United States. Color blind or not, you should be able to tell weather the light is green or red by the position of the light. Granted it does require you to pay closer attention when driving. 2
Whodatdog Posted January 31, 2018 Posted January 31, 2018 Not quite sure I understand this, I've been separated for almost a year living apart, is where some sort of one year moaning period after a divorce is finalized before I should be dating? Should I be wear black or something? Of course not. Its very easy to get quickly into a relationship just because you miss being in a relationship. Rebound relationships usually dont work. ITs an individual thing. No need to get your knickers in a twist over it.
Aiuta le mani Posted January 31, 2018 Posted January 31, 2018 Hey man! Thanks for sharing here! It seems normal to me that she sends you a “Good Night” message. It is more courtesy than anything else! Also, it seems to me like you are seeing too many things here! if she has things that you don’t like and you are not willing to put up with, then you need to make a decision. Think about your relationship and what you are willing to give to make it work now and in the future and decide if you want to continue or not. Be honest and clear about your expectations and keep constant communication!
kassy Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 Half of my family (males mainly but a few females) are completely colourblind (life is black and white with shades of grey). All have no issue driving as lights are standardised. Get some contacts or glasses and learn to drive is what she should do. Have you discussed it with her? Maybe it worked for her before so there was no need but maybe she just neds a discussion to realise she is limiting her independence for no reason now
Veronica73 Posted February 11, 2018 Posted February 11, 2018 As far as the driving thing, just don’t let her rely on you for driving. Don’t play that role. That’s would be asking a lot to ask you to take an hour and a half out of your day 5 days a week to help her out, if it’s something she is perfectly capable of doing herself (which it is). If she didn’t have her daughter to drive her to and from work, she’d probably choose to learn how to drive. Don’t enable her. It doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker. Just don’t let her use you for that.
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