Pandasaurus12 Posted January 29, 2018 Posted January 29, 2018 I’ve been seeing an amazing woman for close to 2 months. She’s a little shy and awkward, and she wants to take things slow, which I really respect. I see real potential for something serious. We haven’t talked about exclusivity. Should I ask to see her on Valentine’s Day? I know it’s a lame holiday and all that, but I feel like not asking her would be a little insulting. On the other hand, I don’t want to put pressure on her. I feel like I’m stuck exactly in the middle. 2
kendahke Posted January 29, 2018 Posted January 29, 2018 (edited) I’ve been seeing an amazing woman for close to 2 months. She’s a little shy and awkward, and she wants to take things slow, which I really respect. I see real potential for something serious. We haven’t talked about exclusivity. Should I ask to see her on Valentine’s Day? I know it’s a lame holiday and all that, but I feel like not asking her would be a little insulting. On the other hand, I don’t want to put pressure on her. I feel like I’m stuck exactly in the middle. If she wants to take things slow, then that also includes valentine's day. It's no different than the past 60 days she's wanting to take slow, too. Give her some chocolates, take her to a movie or a concert/live music and call it a day. 2 months in, it really shouldn't be much more than that or else it will look like you're not taking things slow. In a year, if you're still together, go all out for her. If she says anything tell her you're following her lead by taking things slow and not artificially building up her expectations until you two have gotten to know one another far better. She will either take her foot off the brake or she will grind them until asbestos is in the air. You can't have things both ways. Valentine's Day is a fake Hallmark holiday used to put people to the test they didn't know they were taking. Edited January 29, 2018 by kendahke 1
Maggie4 Posted January 29, 2018 Posted January 29, 2018 Why not ask her? In grade school we gave our friends little valentine's day cards. Need not be romance or relationships. The only problem is for adults the restaurants may be crowded so you might need to be a bit creative. 2
d0nnivain Posted January 29, 2018 Posted January 29, 2018 Yes but keep things simple. I'd get a card that says Happy Valentine's Day (nothing about love or sex) & a small cheesy heart shaped box of chocolate, <$20. Go out for a drink but don't do the expensive dinner on the most crowded day to go out to eat. 1
fred123 Posted January 30, 2018 Posted January 30, 2018 id disagree. she said she wants to take it slow. asking her for valentines is pressuring and will disrespect her wishes. u are not exclusive. my ex and i was similar situation. she told me she didnt like coupley things. so me asking her to do valentines and buying her a gift was not a good idea.
Author Pandasaurus12 Posted January 30, 2018 Author Posted January 30, 2018 What if I said something along the lines of “I was wondering if you’d like to do something for Valentines Day? I know you want to take things slow, so I totally understand if you don’t want to/aren’t ready for that, but I thought I’d extend the offer. Besides, I really enjoy spending time with you. 1
Summer08 Posted January 30, 2018 Posted January 30, 2018 What if I said something along the lines of “I was wondering if you’d like to do something for Valentines Day? I know you want to take things slow, so I totally understand if you don’t want to/aren’t ready for that, but I thought I’d extend the offer. Besides, I really enjoy spending time with you. Perfect. Say it.
xUnknown Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 Any updates? How did it go? Did you ask her yet?
kendahke Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 What if I said something along the lines of “I was wondering if you’d like to do something for Valentines Day? I know you want to take things slow, so I totally understand if you don’t want to/aren’t ready for that, but I thought I’d extend the offer. Besides, I really enjoy spending time with you. No. Don't say that. She knows all of that already, but she's still taking things at a glacial pace. A card is sufficient for someone who wants to take things slow. Until she tells you that she wants to wade in deeper, don't do it yourself. 1
Gaeta Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 I agree with those who say *no*. This woman doesn't want to date officially or be in a relationship so why should she get all the efforts and rewards? Let it be a regular Wednesday. 1
d0nnivain Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 This woman doesn't want to date officially or be in a relationship so why should she get all the efforts and rewards? Acknowledging a holiday is not a "reward." I think the OP should do something small & lighthearted to mark the occasion as a way of showing that he's earnest. It may help persuade her that he's worth taking a chance on.
Gaeta Posted February 5, 2018 Posted February 5, 2018 (edited) Acknowledging a holiday is not a "reward." I think the OP should do something small & lighthearted to mark the occasion as a way of showing that he's earnest. It may help persuade her that he's worth taking a chance on. Valentine's Day is not a holiday, it's a day to celebrate those in romantic relationships. If she is too much of a scared-cat to give a little bit of her trust to a man that's been seeing her for 2 months than she doesn't deserve a card, or dinner, or flowers. We all know what *taking things slow* means. She's filling a void with him, she's using him as a band-aid for what ever wound she has. ETA: Do a bit of snooping in his past thread. She is not ready for a relationship, She is nonchalant and doesn't care much to reply to OP when he communicates with her. Edited February 5, 2018 by Gaeta 1
winny Posted February 6, 2018 Posted February 6, 2018 Acknowledging a holiday is not a "reward." I think the OP should do something small & lighthearted to mark the occasion as a way of showing that he's earnest. It may help persuade her that he's worth taking a chance on. It's NOT a holiday... we will go to school, people will go to work. I hate having to persuade someone to know my worth... when has that worked anyways...?!
winny Posted February 6, 2018 Posted February 6, 2018 Just text her happy valentines day... thats it..
d0nnivain Posted February 6, 2018 Posted February 6, 2018 It's NOT a holiday... we will go to school, people will go to work. I hate having to persuade someone to know my worth... when has that worked anyways...?! I'm not talking about the guy having to beg & plead. I am suggesting that a sweet gesture on a "holiday" designed to celebrate love would send a more positive message then ignoring the day. The woman who is on the fence may see the failure to acknowledge the day as a rejection. I believe in leading with kindness & generosity, not stinginess. To me some tit-for-tat you're dragging your feet reads like a punishment not a good foundation for a relationship. However, if Gaeta is right & this woman has essentially been telling the OP that she doesn't want a relationship, that is a different story. All I'm saying is that since she has been reluctant for whatever reason, I think the OP would be foolish to fail to take advantage of the holiday by not spending $10 on some trinkets / chocolate & a non-lovey-dovey card
Gaeta Posted February 6, 2018 Posted February 6, 2018 I believe in leading with kindness & generosity, not stinginess. To me some tit-for-tat you're dragging your feet reads like a punishment not a good foundation for a relationship. However, if Gaeta is right & this woman has essentially been telling the OP that she doesn't want a relationship, that is a different story. All I'm saying is that since she has been reluctant for whatever reason, I think the OP would be foolish to fail to take advantage of the holiday by not spending $10 on some trinkets / chocolate & a non-lovey-dovey card Maybe because she doesn't want a relationship and she has not been very kind to OP since beginning it would turn her off even more to get something on V Day. no? 1
d0nnivain Posted February 6, 2018 Posted February 6, 2018 Maybe because she doesn't want a relationship and she has not been very kind to OP since beginning it would turn her off even more to get something on V Day. no? Maybe. I don't have a good read on the context here. Is she standoffish because she doesn't fancy the OP or is she recalcitrant because she's hurt / scared? If she just doesn't like the OP (or is a rude / mean person), recognition of Valentine's Day will hurt rather than help his case. However, if she is trying to figure out whether he's worth the risk, then a sweet but low key gesture could tip the scales in his favor. 1
kakoy Posted February 7, 2018 Posted February 7, 2018 Maybe. I don't have a good read on the context here. Is she standoffish because she doesn't fancy the OP or is she recalcitrant because she's hurt / scared? If she just doesn't like the OP (or is a rude / mean person), recognition of Valentine's Day will hurt rather than help his case. However, if she is trying to figure out whether he's worth the risk, then a sweet but low key gesture could tip the scales in his favor. I partially agree but also disagree. If she doesn’t like him, a small gesture wouldn’t matter and wouldn’t hurt him since it doesn’t change the outcome: that she is not interested. If she on the fence, the small gesture could tip it in his favor.
kakoy Posted February 7, 2018 Posted February 7, 2018 (edited) Double post Edited February 7, 2018 by kakoy
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