ZA Dater Posted January 29, 2018 Posted January 29, 2018 Ok so this might being comic relief to some. I get chatting to someone on Tinder and deciding to try things differently this time I decide to chat more and get to know her a bit before meeting up, we chatted for two weeks and exchanged voice notes and it was going reasonably well, look she wasn't super amazing but she was nice and importantly liked car, which is NB because I spend a lot of my time around them. Anyway yesterday chatting to her and later in the evening I get "please stop chatting to my girlfriend". To think I was chatting to her for two weeks and she never saw fit to share she had a boyfriend.... Just weird, I left it and got blocked. Yet her Tinder profile is still active.... Don't feel too awful about this, vaguely amused yes, disappointed, not really. Perhaps there is something for expecting nothing and when nothing materialises not being shocked.
Gaeta Posted January 29, 2018 Posted January 29, 2018 hhmmm I think she's the one who text you that. I can't imagine a 'boyfriend' using such polite language when he discovers his gf is entertaining another man. 11
Purrrfect Posted January 29, 2018 Posted January 29, 2018 Sounds like a game player. This stuff is so common with on line dating esp Tinder. I agree it sounds like she wrote that message esp of her profile is still up. M Sounds like immature drama. 1
act00 Posted January 30, 2018 Posted January 30, 2018 Definitely good for some comedy. I have to agree, though, it struck me odd that someone wrote "please stop talking to my girlfriend" yet the profile is still up on Tinder. The pieces don't fit, but it is what it is...at least a good story. Why two weeks of texting and no meeting? I had the ex-wife contact me through the dating email with a phone number to call, and curiosity got the best of me, and I called. Oh, there was drama and big bad things, and I have no idea if any of it was true, but I figure, it really doesn't matter, I will not be walking into the future with this. We're dealing with a really screwed up dude or a really vindictive ex...either way, not a good sign. 1
Highndry Posted January 30, 2018 Posted January 30, 2018 You really dodged a bullet with this head case. Consider yourself lucky!
Sunlight72 Posted January 30, 2018 Posted January 30, 2018 I had the ex-wife contact me through the dating email with a phone number to call, and curiosity got the best of me, and I called. Oh, there was drama and big bad things, and I have no idea if any of it was true, but I figure, it really doesn't matter, I will not be walking into the future with this. We're dealing with a really screwed up dude or a really vindictive ex...either way, not a good sign. What in the holy h*ll are you talking about? I think you left the other half of this novella in your head act00, but I am really intrigued to know what that other half is, if you care to share
Author ZA Dater Posted January 30, 2018 Author Posted January 30, 2018 hhmmm I think she's the one who text you that. I can't imagine a 'boyfriend' using such polite language when he discovers his gf is entertaining another man. Well I guess it is certainly possible. I think my general approach to this now is indifference. Decided to try the other method, i.e. the non dating site method at a party I was at and that possibly was more amusing than this thread. But I have to thank the forum again because I actually find myself caring less and less whether people like me or not so in that respect the weight of the earth is off my shoulders. 2
Zippy2000 Posted January 30, 2018 Posted January 30, 2018 She got a male friend to say that to get you to stop replying. lol
kaitlynlily6 Posted January 30, 2018 Posted January 30, 2018 Sounds like she got tired "just chatting" and shut you off by pretending to be "the boyfriend" or she may just have played you. Leave it, it's common in dating sites
Zippy2000 Posted January 30, 2018 Posted January 30, 2018 "please stop talking to my wife! Im her husband"!
Author ZA Dater Posted January 30, 2018 Author Posted January 30, 2018 She got a male friend to say that to get you to stop replying. lol Probably which makes it even more pathetic but unsurprising.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 30, 2018 Posted January 30, 2018 What in the holy h*ll are you talking about? I think you left the other half of this novella in your head act00, but I am really intrigued to know what that other half is, if you care to share lol I think she was just sying this happened to her once while online dating. An ex-wife contacted her.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 30, 2018 Posted January 30, 2018 Yeah, I think this is just a cowardly woman "hiding" behind an imaginary boyfriend. Several years ago when I was newly divorced I received a message from someone who turned out to be a married man (with 5 or 6 kids). He had no profile pics up, but gave me his name and told me to Google him, that he had a prominent position in the community so didn't like using his photo. Fair enough. (He was a superintendent of a school district). But, seriously, what an idiot. I did Google him and found out he was married (to an attorney of all things), had written books WITH his wife. They were both all over Google. It just so happened that the job I had at the time had me working closely with many of the other school superintendents in the county, all of whom he would know by virtue of the job, so I nonchalantly told him this in a message, without specifically calling him out on his crap. Wouldn't ya know, the next message I get from him is, "Omg! Someone has hacked my account and created this dating profile for me! Please do not contact me again." :lmao::lmao:
Author ZA Dater Posted January 30, 2018 Author Posted January 30, 2018 Its this sort of behaviour which gripes me to an extent but doesn't surprise me because one thing I have learnt is most people are incapable of honesty, its much easier to sugar coat a rotting apple than present a rotting apple Plus point is the advice I have learnt here is helping a friend with his dating exploits so its not like I have learnt nothing at all! Not that he should need much help to begin with!
GemmaUK Posted January 30, 2018 Posted January 30, 2018 I think she sent you that text as she wasn't happy to continue with the texting talk. Copy us the texts, we can break it down. You do seem to get blocked a lot, there is a reason. 1
Author ZA Dater Posted January 31, 2018 Author Posted January 31, 2018 I think she sent you that text as she wasn't happy to continue with the texting talk. Copy us the texts, we can break it down. You do seem to get blocked a lot, there is a reason. I resort more to voice notes now than text. Not all that bothered to being blocked, just found it weird that people don't have the courage and transparency to be honest. Yes, I dragged my feet at meeting because at no point did she actually wow me to any degree, the HUGE positive was shared interests but even then I didn't feel any sort of want to meet her, hence I carried the conversation on in the hope that want would arrive. I just find myself becoming more and more disinterested and that probably reflects in how I come across to people on Tinder who I try and force myself to like, that's essentially what I have resorted to doing, forcing myself to like people. Yes, to a degree its a big "can I make her like me" experiment but its fundamentally flawed because if one did I'd then find myself in he same old situation of there being no mutual attraction. What I am finding with these dire matches I get, there isn't much to talk about with them, its frankly quite boring from that point of view, maybe again its me general "forcing myself to be interested" coming through.
Grey40 Posted January 31, 2018 Posted January 31, 2018 (edited) This is exactly why you don’t talk to women on the dating apps for more than 1/2 Days max. If they’re not willing to give you their number by then, it’s next because they’re not serious or not interested. And aren’t you supposed to swipe on people that you’re attracted to and interested in? I don’t get how you’re matching with people and forcing yourself to like them, why did you swipe them then? The apps are to get phone numbers and meet up not to chat and be pen pals. You learn what you need to about them in person on the date. Edited January 31, 2018 by Grey40
Author ZA Dater Posted January 31, 2018 Author Posted January 31, 2018 This is exactly why you don’t talk to women on the dating apps for more than 1/2 Days max. If they’re not willing to give you their number by then, it’s next because they’re not serious or not interested. And aren’t you supposed to swipe on people that you’re attracted to and interested in? I don’t get how you’re matching with people and forcing yourself to like them, why did you swipe them then? The apps are to get phone numbers and meet up not to chat and be pen pals. You learn what you need to about them in person on the date. I just like everything in the hope maybe one the ones I actually do find attractive do find me attractive. Its a good way to gauge attractiveness I think.
Grey40 Posted January 31, 2018 Posted January 31, 2018 (edited) I just like everything in the hope maybe one the ones I actually do find attractive do find me attractive. Its a good way to gauge attractiveness I think. Yeah I do the same thing, but if I match with someone I don’t like I delete them. Why would you bother talking to them if you know you’re not into them? You’re wasting time. If you’re not getting matches with women you’re attracted to you need to work on your pictures and your profile. I may not be good at getting dates to the next level but I’m a freaking expert at getting dates from OLD. Last year I went in probably close to 40 over the course of the year.. a few of them went to second, third dates and beyond and couple of them I dated consistently for 2-3 months. It was like 2-3 different girls per month basically Edited January 31, 2018 by Grey40
Author ZA Dater Posted January 31, 2018 Author Posted January 31, 2018 Yeah I do the same thing, but if I match with someone I don’t like I delete them. Why would you bother talking to them if you know you’re not into them? You’re wasting time. If you’re not getting matches with women you’re attracted to you need to work on your pictures and your profile. I may not be good at getting dates to the next level but I’m a freaking expert at getting dates from OLD. Last year I went in probably close to 40 over the course of the year.. a few of them went to second, third dates and beyond and couple of them I dated consistently for 2-3 months. It was like 2-3 different girls per month basically Very lucky. I think its a geographic thing to an extent, I once did an experiment where I changed countries and had lots more matches and better matches.
joseb Posted January 31, 2018 Posted January 31, 2018 I just like everything in the hope maybe one the ones I actually do find attractive do find me attractive. Its a good way to gauge attractiveness I think. It's also a good way to get yourself "downvoted" via the Tinder algorithms, which means you get shown poorer quality of people and also you are show to less.
GemmaUK Posted January 31, 2018 Posted January 31, 2018 Tinder is supposed to be a quick turnaround or so I believe, it's not for pen pals. You're wasting people's time too if you are not at all interested in them and wasting it out of selfish reasons. I don't know what voice notes are but it sounds pretty much like a voicemail message (?) I can't imagine communicating like that (nor by text for that matter) for days on end. Plus based on the bolded below this seems like a totally illogical pointless exercise to me. From what you post you do get first meets with people whom you do find attractive and things fall down on the first meet so it's actually meeting people and pure socialising with people (anyone IRL) which you need practice at.
Author ZA Dater Posted January 31, 2018 Author Posted January 31, 2018 Tinder is supposed to be a quick turnaround or so I believe, it's not for pen pals. You're wasting people's time too if you are not at all interested in them and wasting it out of selfish reasons. I don't know what voice notes are but it sounds pretty much like a voicemail message (?) I can't imagine communicating like that (nor by text for that matter) for days on end. Plus based on the bolded below this seems like a totally illogical pointless exercise to me. From what you post you do get first meets with people whom you do find attractive and things fall down on the first meet so it's actually meeting people and pure socialising with people (anyone IRL) which you need practice at. The ratio of attractive people to not is perhaps one attractive match in 25 if that. Again I am constantly told its a numbers game so yes I'll talk to anyone, perhaps they show some sort of insight or intangibly interesting facet which somehow makes me find them more attractive. A whatsapp voice note, that's what I am talking about.
GemmaUK Posted January 31, 2018 Posted January 31, 2018 The ratio of attractive people to not is perhaps one attractive match in 25 if that. Sounds about normal. Again I am constantly told its a numbers game so yes I'll talk to anyone, perhaps they show some sort of insight or intangibly interesting facet which somehow makes me find them more attractive. It is a numbers game in part but approachability and socialness are the basics. Once you have those down and can do both with anyone then begins the numbers game. A whatsapp voice note, that's what I am talking about. Yeah, sounds very tedious to have a two week conversation using that.
Author ZA Dater Posted January 31, 2018 Author Posted January 31, 2018 From what you post you do get first meets with people whom you do find attractive and things fall down on the first meet so it's actually meeting people and pure socialising with people (anyone IRL) which you need practice at. Not really, I have no problem with this provided I have something in common with the person or some common talking point. As I said to a friend yesterday, its purely for that reason I cant date. He gets dates easily because he adapts to whoever he is interested in, me I cant/wont do that. In the case of this lady, we has common hobbies but it still wasn't enough, neither of us could find time to meet up, every time I suggested something she was busy or she set up something which was impossible for me due to my other commitments.
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