brewgirl25 Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 My boyfriend can't seem to keep up with me sexually. We only seem to have actual sex when he's in the mood. Often when I initiate things he says that he is too tired. There have been a few times that he had a hard time getting/maintaining an erection. (He has actually gone soft in the middle of sex before.) So I assumed when he said he was tired, it meant he didn't think he could get an erection. However he doesn't seem to have a problem getting an erection when I give him a hand job or a blow job. This makes me feel like he doesn't want to touch me and that he's only interested in sex if he's receiving. Am I reading too much into this??? I am so frustrated. I left his house this morning after spending the last 4 nights with him feeling like I needed to go get laid. I'm afraid if I say anything it will just make things worse for him mentally. I don't know what to do...
ReluctantRomeo Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 As far as I can see, couples where libido matches are in the minority. Often you'll find that one partner wants it more than the other. The trick is to find ways of making this work. However, before going into this, do you have reasons for thinking he's not into you? Or is this just girly insecurity based on his lower drive? Did he used to have a much higher drive? Is there something on his mind right now?
Author brewgirl25 Posted August 25, 2005 Author Posted August 25, 2005 I don't have any real reason to think he's not into me. He said that I'm the most attractive woman he's ever dated, whether that was just lip service I don't know. I guess I've just never been in this situation before. I mean, he went soft during sex-while he was inside me. I'm used to having my guy friends get embarassed because they get hard when we hug...definitely not used to this aspect. He does have some stuff going on at work right now. Could that be the problem? I never really thought about that...nothing seems to dampen my desire for sex.
Horse Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 It always trips me out when I hear about women having a hard time with something that most guys have to deal with all of the time. At first I couldn't believe it, but I guess there are guys out there who really don't think about sex all that much. and people say I'm weird. These are hard to do but they help. Think hard and decide if this is something that you can live with or not. 99% of the time it will not get better. He will be less and less interested in sex as time goes by. Don't take it personally. It's not about you. It's not rejection. Find another way to uhh.. relieve the tension. Running helps sometimes. Talk about it with him. Yes it could make things worse for a while, but nothing is ever going to improve if you don't talk about it. The only other possibilities I can think of are.. Maybe he's just spanking his monkey a lot and you ask him after he just just knocked one out. or He's depressed or anxious and too much thinking messes him up. Even knowing all that, It's still hard to understand and not take it personally when you have a high libido and your partner doesn't. You think "Damn their Hot, I want to..." and when you find out they're not even thinking about sex, you personalize it and think they just don't think you are hot.
Author brewgirl25 Posted August 25, 2005 Author Posted August 25, 2005 Thanks for the advice, horse. We have talked about it some...I want him to get a checkup just to make sure there's nothing physically wrong (he seems to have a hard time climaxing, as well) But he keeps putting it off. And sometimes I think that my drive will decrease with time. I'm at my sexual peak right now, or so I've been told. Now I remember why I was dating younger men! lol Its strange, because I travel with my job, and when I'm gone he says he gets so horny and when I come home its great for a couple of days, but I've been home since Friday and haven't gotten any since Saturday. Maybe he needs the anticipation that comes from me being unavailable? Oh, and I know that I'm not trying right after he rubbed one out, because each of the times I tried, we had been together that day so he hadn't had time...
Horse Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 Originally posted by brewgirl25 Its strange, because I travel with my job, and when I'm gone he says he gets so horny and when I come home its great for a couple of days, but I've been home since Friday and haven't gotten any since Saturday. Maybe he needs the anticipation that comes from me being unavailable? I get that too. Being unavailable is easier said than done though.
Author brewgirl25 Posted August 25, 2005 Author Posted August 25, 2005 Exactly. I thought about sleeping in ym own bed tonight and telling him to do the same, but I don't want to come across as being a b$%&h
NTB Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 question ?? how do you know your libido is high?? i thought having sex everyday was a norm
Horse Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 Average is 2X a week for married people. That means for every person like you who is having sex every day, there is someone doing it once a month.
Author brewgirl25 Posted August 25, 2005 Author Posted August 25, 2005 Maybe my libido isn't high - but its higher than his. If I had my choice, we would have sex in the morning before work, and at least once more either as soon as we get home or when we go to bed - preferably both. For a female, I think that makes it high...
TUDOR Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 Originally posted by brewgirl25 Maybe my libido isn't high - but its higher than his. If I had my choice, we would have sex in the morning before work, and at least once more either as soon as we get home or when we go to bed - preferably both. For a female, I think that makes it high... I thought girls like you were an urban legend!!
Author brewgirl25 Posted August 25, 2005 Author Posted August 25, 2005 Originally posted by TUDOR I thought girls like you were an urban legend!! Maybe we are ont he verge of extinction because the men can't keep up!
TUDOR Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 Originally posted by brewgirl25 Maybe we are ont he verge of extinction because the men can't keep up! Are you kidding, I gave up trying to find a women that could match my sexual appetite. I think it is great and I hope you keep it up because when the right man comes along he will be as happy as pig in sh*t with your craving for sex. Might be a born and breed Texas thing.
kitkat826 Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 Originally posted by brewgirl25 If I had my choice, we would have sex in the morning before work, and at least once more either as soon as we get home or when we go to bed - preferably both. For a female, I think that makes it high... ACK..morning sex. Im always surprised at the females who wake up horny..morning is definitely NOT my horny time of day. If I had a choice, I would do it once a day, twice if the mood and circumstances allowed, in the afternoon or evening. Having sex definitely makes me want to have more sex...meaning when Im not sexually active with anyone, I'm really only horny like once or twice a week.
Author brewgirl25 Posted August 25, 2005 Author Posted August 25, 2005 Originally posted by kitkat826 ACK..morning sex. Im always surprised at the females who wake up horny..morning is definitely NOT my horny time of day. Didn't used to be mine either, then I realized it was the man I was with and not the fact that I didn't want sex in the AM. lol
Author brewgirl25 Posted August 25, 2005 Author Posted August 25, 2005 Originally posted by TUDOR Are you kidding, I gave up trying to find a women that could match my sexual appetite. I think it is great and I hope you keep it up because when the right man comes along he will be as happy as pig in sh*t I like to think that this guy is the reight one...hopefully he will come around
TUDOR Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 Originally posted by brewgirl25 I like to think that this guy is the reight one...hopefully he will come around Well just keep at it and hopefully he will! I for one can't phathom turning it down.
Author brewgirl25 Posted August 25, 2005 Author Posted August 25, 2005 Me either. The only time I have turned it down was at the end of my marriage and that was because I was NOT attracted to my husband anymore. I think that's why I'm struggling with it so much. I have to keep telling myself that its not me, even though it certainly feels like it based on my own experiences...
TUDOR Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 Originally posted by brewgirl25 Me either. The only time I have turned it down was at the end of my marriage and that was because I was NOT attracted to my husband anymore. I think that's why I'm struggling with it so much. I have to keep telling myself that its not me, even though it certainly feels like it based on my own experiences... Just keep talking to him and see if you can get him to talk about what is going on. Once you get him talking it could help your sex life in more ways than one. Healthy communication leads to great sex! Hang in there!
Author brewgirl25 Posted August 25, 2005 Author Posted August 25, 2005 Maybe this is my punishment for dating a man who's not a native Texan... lol
TUDOR Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 Originally posted by brewgirl25 Maybe this is my punishment for dating a man who's not a native Texan... lol Could be! But maybe you should just teach this cowboy how to ride like a proper Texan!! Where your spurs and don't be afriad to kick a little while in the saddle! He'll catch on soon enough!
MattB Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 when we were first together It was like three times a day. In the morning when she woke up, when she came home for lunch and then at night before I went into work (I worked nights). After several weeks of it we had to slow down. I started getting so sore it was hard to walk. It did give me some killer Abs tho. Forget expensive exercise equipment.
Pendawn Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 I am a female with a pretty high libido too, and it's amazingly hard SIMPLY because the way society is and the way people talk it makes you feel like a bit of a freak. In the media and society in general it's always seen as the guy is up for it any minute of the day if a women will just say yes, but that's so not the experience for me and other women. Hearing your girlfriend's talking about their guys wanting it every night and always having to turn them down, and you're sitting there thinking what you wouldn't give to have your guy ask for it every night! My bf is having major libido issues right now - normally we're pretty well matched but just now he's lost all interest in all things sexual. And it's not just me, and nor will any tips like dressing up or doing something different work. Porn isn't working for him solo right now so doiubt much else will work. Even though you know 100% it's not that they find you unattractive etc it still feels like a rejection.
ReluctantRomeo Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 Originally posted by Pendawn I am a female with a pretty high libido too, and it's amazingly hard SIMPLY because the way society is and the way people talk it makes you feel like a bit of a freak. In the media and society in general it's always seen as the guy is up for it any minute of the day if a women will just say yes, but that's so not the experience for me and other women. I think the low-sex woman theory is a relatively recent phenomenon... traditional Christianity and Islam (among others) tend to view the woman as being *more* sexual than men. More drive and more likely to be the initiator. I thought girls like you were an urban legend!! I think they're way more common than the opposite.
Recommended Posts