chassmash Posted January 29, 2018 Posted January 29, 2018 Just venting here. So my 44 year old girlfriend of nearly 2 years says to me she wants a break. She tells me she loves me, she likes me, and that I've treated her better then any other guy. But she still wants to break up. Then we have great sex and I leave. In the next week or so she texts me that she loves me, cares about me etc. So I say let's give it another shot. No response from her. Her plan is we separate for about a year and date other people. Obviously she has a guy in mind, I suspect. It just sickens me that someone I loved is doing this bs. Just say you found someone else, someone you like better and you're moving on. This chinese water torture really sucks. I have zero respect for it. So I'm moving on. But it's really messing with my head.
Arieswoman Posted January 29, 2018 Posted January 29, 2018 chassmash, I'm sorry you're going through this. x Here's a newsflash - despite what she says, your gf doesn't love you. If she did then she wouldn't be breaking up with you. Your gf is selfish and dishonest. Not only that she's disrespecting you big-time. She's probably got some other guy in the background who she wants to try on for size. Then, if it doesn't work out she can come back to good 'ole reliable you. Don't allow it. Tell her to save her mind-games for someone else and that you're done.Then block, delete, whatever. I know it hurts, but better to find out now than after another 2 years when you're married and living together. 2
HumanMachine Posted January 29, 2018 Posted January 29, 2018 She told you those things to keep you open as an option later down he line, should she get bored of experimenting with Chad and Tyrone. If she really meant them she wouldn’t be leaving you. 4
dumbass2 Posted January 29, 2018 Posted January 29, 2018 Wow, she breaks up with you and then you two have sex right after that happens? Can't say that I've heard of that before. That sucks. No breaks just break ups. Yep, take some time to get over it over and move forward, not backwards. I'd go total NC after the way that happened. She probably wants you around. Don't be her security blanket. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted January 29, 2018 Posted January 29, 2018 Why did she say she was breaking up with you, OP?
bluecastle Posted January 29, 2018 Posted January 29, 2018 I'm sorry you're going though this. I was in a similar situation over the summer. My ex told me she loved me, saw a future, but was also dabbling with other guys, basically just hitting the skids and taking me for a ride in the process. I let myself get walked on for a bit before pulling the plug after numerous "break" talks. It sucks. Big time. But unlike others on here, I'm not so harsh. Your gf/ex, like mine, is confused. I'm sure she loves you the best she can, but it's a selfish love, a wobbly love, and, most importantly, not enough love for you. Or at least that's kind of where I netted out on my ex, for what it's worth.
Author chassmash Posted January 29, 2018 Author Posted January 29, 2018 I'm sorry you're going though this. I was in a similar situation over the summer. My ex told me she loved me, saw a future, but was also dabbling with other guys, basically just hitting the skids and taking me for a ride in the process. I let myself get walked on for a bit before pulling the plug after numerous "break" talks. It sucks. Big time. But unlike others on here, I'm not so harsh. Your gf/ex, like mine, is confused. I'm sure she loves you the best she can, but it's a selfish love, a wobbly love, and, most importantly, not enough love for you. Or at least that's kind of where I netted out on my ex, for what it's worth. Yes I think your response is mature and correct. She is confused. I'm a single dad and have a commitment to my children. She wanted me to give up time with them to be with her. When I said I wouldnt she started drifting away. I think she really does love me but is letting her head rule her heart again. She has done so in the past with dismal results. She will force herself to be with another guy because the guy she actually loves isn't the practical choice. She misses the fact that my commitment to my kids would be the same quality as the commitment I would eventually have for her also. And she forgets that by giving up someone she loves for someone she sees merely as a practical alternative, she doesn't do anyone any favors including the other guy. Shes seeing a shrink and my feeling is that while psychotherapy can be extremely useful it can also let people act like complete tools. So I'm getting the supposedly shrink approved dumping. I'd prefer raw honesty and no contact. Like ripping off a bandaid. This is more like being given a massage while she sticks a blade gently into my back. And I want to think that if she calls down the line. I'll just say hi and bye. But really every part of me wants her back.
d0nnivain Posted January 29, 2018 Posted January 29, 2018 This shouldn't mess with your head. She was clear that she resents your children & is too immature to handle things so she suggested this childish idea of a break. She really doesn't understand that your children will always be a priority. To the extent you are wondering how you missed these red flags for two years OK you can feel like she's messing with your head. Otherwise, be happy you learned of this before getting more serious. Take some time to grieve the loss of the relationship. Say good riddance to her & go find a nice woman who embraces your fatherhood & celebrates your children 3
Zoolander Posted January 29, 2018 Posted January 29, 2018 Sorry to hear about that mate. Mine did the exact same except we're both a lot younger. Having gone through this fr the past 6 months, I agree with all the above posters. If she really cared about the relationship, she wouldn't have left. My best bet is she found someone else, got excited, wanted to give the new guy a go hence the dating other people condition yet have you there just in case things went south with him. Do the right thing for you: wish her well and let her go. Focus on you and your children. You both deserve better. Don't count on it but if she comes back in a year or two, let her reap what she's sowed. It was her decision. Unless she's a completely changed person which is unlikely, I wouldn't give her a second thought at that stage.
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