Delic Posted January 28, 2018 Posted January 28, 2018 Hey guys, I will try to not to write a novel and make this as short as possible. But please read it and write some nice words, because I’m already a mess. And I know all the awful things happen because of some stupid choices we make. The thing is I‘m in a toxic relation (or maybe I make it toxic by myself) and I can‘t end this, because I fell for this guy very hard and I always say this time is the last time, this time I‘m making my decision to leave him and to finally breathe. And it never happens, I always think there are unfinished things to do or to say. And then I give it another chance, though I know it‘s ridiculous. I met him a half year ago in a bar, he‘s a musician, I will just pass the things that happen, because it doesn‘t make any changes. I told him after 3 months that I may fall for him, I shared my emotions, though I never do this. Never. I‘m cold as ice, thanks to this my heart stayed always unbroken. I like to flirt but that‘s all. This time when I felt something different I made a mistake and I just told him (not everything, because I‘m still cold as ice). I don‘t remember what he said exactly because I was in some transe. But I remember one line: „I can‘t and I won’t.“ That broke me completely. But it didn‘t stop this. It should end this way. We both should move on, but no... It happened all over again - in a time when I was starting to feel ok. When I was moving on he just kept pushing again. I think you know what happens next. Lately there was a concert and I went there. He may, but I‘m not really sure, say that he is in love with me, but this was a stupid situation. It was in a song, somebody just sang and there was a line I’m in love with you and he sang it too and looked straight at me. Then he got totally wasted and it end that way. I don’t think he actually knows what I‘m going through whenever I see him. And he is so mysterious that I don‘t really know what he thinks. He said once that he just doesn’t show his emotions, that he fails at it. And I do too. So that was the story. There‘s much more but I don‘t really think it‘s relevant. It‘s just everything what happens between two people sharing some connection... I don‘t know, maybe he just want to that I just go away, that I finally disappeare, I don’t really know, I‘m broken because I could possibly fall for everything he does. I feel I‘m addicted to his presence... and I just need to free myself. I need this, though I just feel strong emotions towards him. And in this social media era it‘s so easy to stalk somebody, to not to move on. I want you also to know that I may not to seem but I‘m from this good girl types. Never did drugs, never drunk so much alcohol, never partying so hard. I still don‘t do drugs, I would never, but I do now things I was never capable of. How strange is it that we may do some things only because we want to be around somebody?
bluecastle Posted January 28, 2018 Posted January 28, 2018 I'm sorry you're going through this. The good thing is that you seem to recognize the issues here: that you're kind of "addicted" to this guy, or the idea of him, or to the chase. I'd suggest you talk to a therapist about this, to understand why you're hung up on someone who is giving you so little.
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