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My boyfriend only said he's "a bit" excited to have sex with me? Is this a red flag?

Lillyb

By Lillyb
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Lillyb Member

Lillyb

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So I was messaging my boyfriend and kinda teasing him around saying oh I can't wait to have sex with him (we haven't done it yet and I was just showing him how excited I am because my sex drive is so high in general) and then he says something like "I'm a bit excited". The thing that threw me off was the a bit part so I asked him like "oh a bit?" And then he is like "ughhhhh ok fine a lot". Is this a red flag?*

 

In general he does not have a high sex drive. His sex drive is quite low actually... but when he said oh a bit I was thinking he's not that excited to have sex with me...

basil67 Established Member

basil67

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Either he's not that excited....or he uses understatements when talking. In my culture, we use understatements all the time, so nobody would get weird if a person described a fabulous time as being "not bad at all".

 

That said, as you already know his sex drive is low, it stands to reason he's not super excited about sex with you. Which leads me to asking why are you pursuing a thing with him. How will you deal with the sexual frustration you will experience?

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ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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You say you already know he has a low sex drive. His words reflect that.

 

Yours is very high. How are you going to manage that disparity?

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guest569 Established Member

guest569

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I don’t interpret the message in the same way. I don’t think he said “I’m only slightly looking forward to it”. Are there any. Other clues that might lead you to think he is unenthused?

basil67 Established Member

basil67

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I don’t interpret the message in the same way. I don’t think he said “I’m only slightly looking forward to it”. Are there any. Other clues that might lead you to think he is unenthused?

 

Yeah, "a bit excited" is Aussie for "I can't wait!"

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todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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Yeah, "a bit excited" is Aussie for "I can't wait!"

 

 

lol too true.......smilin......i would take it as a guy trying to play it cool...while inside he is going yesssssssssssssssss.....deb

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whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

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So I was messaging my boyfriend and kinda teasing him around saying oh I can't wait to have sex with him (we haven't done it yet and I was just showing him how excited I am because my sex drive is so high in general) and then he says something like "I'm a bit excited". The thing that threw me off was the a bit part so I asked him like "oh a bit?" And then he is like "ughhhhh ok fine a lot". Is this a red flag?*

 

In general he does not have a high sex drive. His sex drive is quite low actually... but when he said oh a bit I was thinking he's not that excited to have sex with me...

 

He knows you have a high drive? And he doesn't so it's possible he is stressing out and feeling pressured. Try not to take it personally, it's not about you or him not wanting you. His sexual make up is different than yours and if you love him and respect him, (like if the roles were reversed you would expect him to give you the same courtesy, right?) don't make sex the most important or exciting thing. Down play and tell him you look forward to being intimate and close to him. Change how you word things and he'll relax.

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joseb Established Member

joseb

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How do you know he has a low sex drive?

I can't believe machine that's something that comes up in conversation too easily...

Especially if you haven't even had sex yet...

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heavenonearth Established Member

heavenonearth

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I find it crazy you haven’t had sex yet but are already boyfriend and girlfriend?

How does that work?

 

I could never call someone my boyfriend without knowing if the sexual chemistry is there. It’s such a vital part of a relationship.

 

How long have you known this guy ?

How do you know about his low sex drive?

How does he know about your high sex drive?

How old are you two?

Penguin_hugs Established Member

Penguin_hugs

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I find it crazy you haven’t had sex yet but are already boyfriend and girlfriend?

How does that work?

 

I could never call someone my boyfriend without knowing if the sexual chemistry is there. It’s such a vital part of a relationship.

 

How long have you known this guy ?

How do you know about his low sex drive?

How does he know about your high sex drive?

How old are you two?

 

This is just an aside but me and my boyfriend were pretty much doing "official" things before being official. We were up to doing "everything but" and he'd even met some of my family before we were "official". It varies according to person. (For the record I'm 24 and he is 28) I had told him I wouldn't have full sex until he could stay over all night as I'd have felt a bit vulnerable if he'd have just gone home straight after- so circumstances made us wait a few weeks. I'd kind of gathered we would be compatible from how everything else had been going anyway (I had no idea he was a virgin until he told me like an hour before--but that is another thread!) We'd planned for him to come over and stay for one weekend- he asked me to be his girlfriend and we had sex later that evening!

Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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This is reading too much into things. His "low sex drive" might be an issue thouhgh

Art_Critic Established Member

Art_Critic

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Low sex drive might not be an issue..

 

When you aren't getting it it isn't that important and he also might be down playing it so he doesn't look like a horn dog..

 

The bit part.. doesn't sound like a red flag unless there are other areas of the relationship that he feels the same way about..

 

I think he is trying to be cool and not look over excited... bet inside he is like.."holy shiot" I'm about to have sex with the hottest chick ever.

Lorenza Established Member

Lorenza

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Oh this reminds me of my first long term boyfriend and how he called me "far from ugly" during the very first stages of our interactions apparently he just didn't dare to call me beautiful for some weirs reason. It's funny to remember how upset I got! :D

 

But how do you know about his sex drive? Did he tell you that specifically?

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Lillyb Member

Lillyb

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Oh this reminds me of my first long term boyfriend and how he called me "far from ugly" during the very first stages of our interactions �� apparently he just didn't dare to call me beautiful for some weirs reason. It's funny to remember how upset I got! :D

 

But how do you know about his sex drive? Did he tell you that specifically?

 

I know because in general when I'm horny I let him know through body language and he usually never responds to it. He kinda just shrugs it off because he isn't that horny. And he did tell me he has a low sex drive. Also I realize the wording was incorrect. He said "I am a bit" not exactly "I'm a bit excited." I don't know if that changes things.

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Lillyb Member

Lillyb

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Low sex drive might not be an issue..

 

When you aren't getting it it isn't that important and he also might be down playing it so he doesn't look like a horn dog..

 

The bit part.. doesn't sound like a red flag unless there are other areas of the relationship that he feels the same way about..

 

I think he is trying to be cool and not look over excited... bet inside he is like.."holy shiot" I'm about to have sex with the hottest chick ever.

 

Yeah but the thing is I don't act like a normal girl lol I'm very comfortable with my own sexuality and I actually am the horn dog. So he knows he could be the same way with me since I would actually like that from him, but he's kinda just a laid back guy in general and doesn't express much emotions

CautiouslyOptimistic Established Member

CautiouslyOptimistic

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I know because in general when I'm horny I let him know through body language and he usually never responds to it. He kinda just shrugs it off because he isn't that horny. And he did tell me he has a low sex drive. Also I realize the wording was incorrect. He said "I am a bit" not exactly "I'm a bit excited." I don't know if that changes things.

 

Well, a lot can be missed in a texting conversation. Someone can be totally teasing when they say "a bit." Sarcastic. "Are you excited you just won a million bucks in the lottery??" "Yeah, a bit." You'd assume some sarcasm there, right?

 

However, his already warning you about his low sex drive is troubling.

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Lillyb Member

Lillyb

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How do you know he has a low sex drive?

I can't believe machine that's something that comes up in conversation too easily...

Especially if you haven't even had sex yet...

 

Well before dating officially, the physical attraction between us was amazing. He was very responsive but then later on he said oh I have low sex drive. But I guess a few weeks ago he had a peak where he wanted it. We did not have vaginal sex yet, but we had oral. I guess I should have mentioned that

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Lillyb Member

Lillyb

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I don’t interpret the message in the same way. I don’t think he said “I’m only slightly looking forward to it”. Are there any. Other clues that might lead you to think he is unenthused?

 

 

Okay I messed up with his message. He actually said, "I am a bit" instead of "I'm excited a bit"

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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He's being sarcastic....he is bursting at the seams my dear.

preraph Established Member

preraph

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You're scaring him to death with your hints of an unquenchable libido. Stop it.

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kendahke Established Member

kendahke

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my sex drive is so high in general)

In general he does not have a high sex drive. His sex drive is quite low actually... but when he said oh a bit I was thinking he's not that excited to have sex with me...

 

Sounds like it's not you---it's sex in general that he's not that into.

 

If you have a high sex drive, then this relationship is going to either drive you mad, drive you out of it or drive you into the arms of someone more like you.

 

Accept that this is the way he is. He's not into sex and your high drive isn't going to change that.

 

If he can't be arsed to go to the doctor to see if he's got low T and wants to correct that, then either learn to live with and love him as he is or bounce.

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Lillyb Member

Lillyb

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Sounds like it's not you---it's sex in general that he's not that into.

 

If you have a high sex drive, then this relationship is going to either drive you mad, drive you out of it or drive you into the arms of someone more like you.

 

Accept that this is the way he is. He's not into sex and your high drive isn't going to change that.

 

If he can't be arsed to go to the doctor to see if he's got low T and wants to correct that, then either learn to live with and love him as he is or bounce.

 

Yeah but his sex drive was pretty high a few weeks ago. Now it's just not there and he doesn't get horny

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Lillyb Member

Lillyb

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You're scaring him to death with your hints of an unquenchable libido. Stop it.

 

Scaring him? HA. That's naturally how I act and that's exactly the kind of person I was when he met me. He knows this is how I am. I doubt he was scared when I said that because that's how I usually act and we have been together for 3 months, so he would say something about it if I was.

Lorenza Established Member

Lorenza

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Yeah but his sex drive was pretty high a few weeks ago. Now it's just not there and he doesn't get horny

 

Might be he's afraid to disappoint you. It's probably performance anxiety

kendahke Established Member

kendahke

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Yeah but his sex drive was pretty high a few weeks ago. Now it's just not there and he doesn't get horny

 

 

Then take a cue: either you don't do it for him in that department or something took place that made him change his mind about you and sex. You bringing it to him as you've stated may be intimidating him.

 

Might be a good idea to keep the "me so horny" sex talk to when he's made the first moves in that department.

Edited by kendahke
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