I'm a shy insecure girl who is afraid of dating, fearing intimacy!

[Delia]

I don't know exactly why everytime a guy asks me out, I turn him down, even if he's attractive. I'm 21 yrs old and I feel kinda pathetic because I've never had a boyfriend before. Well, it's obvious that is my own fault!

 

I guess it's because in high school I was the girl who had maybe a couple of close friends, who basically kept to herself and was too focused on school to really think about dating. It didn't help that my parents were against the whole dating thing. So, I became used to guys not noticing me. After high school, when I started getting asked out, it just freaked me out. I would be thinking: "um... why is he asking me out?" And just thought it was some kinda joke.

 

Anyways, for example this one guy I met at work (he was actually a customer) who was really nice and cute asked me out over a year ago and we had coffee. He expressed that he liked me and I freaked. The idea of being intimate and making myself vulnerable was just too scary. And then I just emailed him, saying I wasn't ready for a relationship and blah, blah. I'm just so afraid that if a he gets close to me, he'll discover all my horrible flaws and see that I'm not that great. Anyways, I haven't heard from him since, and I regret not giving him a chance.

 

I also have a lot of self esteem issues. I'm really insecure about my appearance. My friends say I'm pretty but, of course they would say that. I've always been obsessed about beauty and because I'm into fashion and art, I'm always seeing images of beautiful models and comparing myself to everyone pretty girl I see.

 

All this prevents me from actually being able to talk to guys, like if I like a guy I just completely ignore him, acting as if he's not there. Ahhh! What is wrong with me!!!

[fundamental]

Delia,

 

 

I probably won't be able to give you the best advice on this topic, but I will try to help. I realize guys approaching you can be a scary thing, especially when you are not ready for it. Even though you probably want to get approached, you are unsure of yourself--probably because you are truly not ready.

 

Everyone has flaws! You, me, everyone on LS, everyone in the world. I believe that you may be focusing on your flaws because mentally, you do not feel ready to date.

 

Your friends tell you that you are pretty and you don't believe them. Have you ever told yourself that you are pretty??? First, you need to believe that you are beautiful. You must tell yourself every single day that you are pretty until you believe it. Because no mater what anyone tells you (friends, family, potential dates), you are probably not going to believe them.

 

You are not pathetic and there is nothing wrong with you...you are still very young. I do not know what techniques you will need to use to raise your self-esteem, but trying to pinpoint your insecurity issues would be a good start. You have to start doing activities that you are good at and enjoy doing to slowly build your self-confidence. You will have to believe that the good things you are capable of outweight the "horrible flaws" that you see in yourself.

 

Be patient with yourself...things take time.

[Delia]

thanks, that's probably the best advice anyone's given me. I think I do need to stop obsessing about this and just do things that I'm good at or enjoy. I did that a lot more as a kid and I was full of confidence back then.

[Delia]

thanks, that's probably the best advice anyone's given me. I think I do need to stop obsessing about this and just do things that I'm good at or enjoy. I did that a lot more as a kid and I was full of confidence back then.

[Delia]

thanks, that's probably the best advice anyone's given me. I think I do need to stop obsessing about this and just do things that I'm good at or enjoy. I did that a lot more as a kid and I was full of confidence back then.