Gary335 Posted January 28, 2018 Posted January 28, 2018 So as the title says my gf and I have been together for 8 months. We have, for the most part, a really good relationship. We love each other, and make each other happy. She recently moved in with me, and we've had some ups and downs but for the most part I couldn't ask for more. But something came up today that really concerned me, and I was hoping to hear some advice and opinions on it. My girlfriend is one of those girls that friends EVERYONE on Facebook, whether she met you for just a minute or has known you for years. This includes guys she's met on OLD sites. Some she's actually been out with, others she's never even met. One of these guys messaged her on Facebook today, just saying hi. Then he went and attempted to add her cousin as a friend. She didn't tell me until a couple hours after it happened, when her cousin texted her to ask about who he was. She said she never responded and immediately deleted the message. She said she thinks he did all this because she and her cousin went to a concert last night and she thinks he may have been there and saw her/them. I asked who he was, and she said he was just a guy she met on an OLD site, and she liked him and wanted to stay friends with him because they have common interests and he'd be cool to hang out with. I was very uncomfortable hearing this, but she assured me I had nothing to worry about. My problem is, we had a talk a couple of months ago when I knew things were getting very serious and that this relationship could go the distance. I told her that I was deeply in love with her and had disconnected from every other girl I had met on any dating site, meaning unfriended them on Facebook, removed their numbers from my phone, the whole nine yards. I asked her if she would do the same if she felt the same way, as a way of showing each other we were each others one and only and didn't any longer need to have other potential love interests around. She agreed, and she did delete some numbers, and about 10-15 friends on FB. But this guy and a few others that I know of survived the cut. These guys are not friends, they are nothing but guys she met on OLD sites. They seldom talk, never see each other. They have no significant place in her life. I feel like she was less than honest with me. She gave the impression that she had done like I had, but instead she seems to have picked and chose who stayed and who went. Should I be bothered by this? Was it wrong to ask her to remove these guys in the first place? I felt it was just the normal progression of a relationship. If we're in love and see a future together why do we need to keep other people we met on dating sites around? In my opinion its just baggage we don't need to tote around with us after a certain point. But maybe I was wrong to even ask us to do this for each other?
Lamartine Posted January 28, 2018 Posted January 28, 2018 Social media really complicates things! Maybe she just overlooked a few guys. Do you have any reason to believe that she is still talking to any of them? If not, then I would trust her for now and keep moving forward. Is she is FB friends with that many people, then she might genuinely have thought she deleted them all.
jdesey Posted January 28, 2018 Posted January 28, 2018 I have the same exact issue with the ex-girlfriend of mine. She was friends with everybody in the brother on Facebook. My issue with it is that she was giving attention to other men. She just couldn’t see how it was a problem. Eventually it’s what in the garage. I think you’re totally within your rights to be uncomfortable with that and the man she cut off all other guys. After all you cut off all the woman
Author Gary335 Posted January 28, 2018 Author Posted January 28, 2018 Indeed, it does complicate things. I feel sure she does not initiate conversation with any of these guys. But I'm also not sure she just forgot about this guy or any of the others she didn't get rid of. She spoke highly of him, so I'm sure it wasn't an accident. I brought it up with her today and she said she thought of him as a friend and didn't want to cut him off. And I want to be clear here, I'm not demanding anything. It was more like asking us to commit ourselves to one another.
Lamartine Posted January 28, 2018 Posted January 28, 2018 Indeed, it does complicate things. I feel sure she does not initiate conversation with any of these guys. But I'm also not sure she just forgot about this guy or any of the others she didn't get rid of. She spoke highly of him, so I'm sure it wasn't an accident. I brought it up with her today and she said she thought of him as a friend and didn't want to cut him off. And I want to be clear here, I'm not demanding anything. It was more like asking us to commit ourselves to one another. If it's a specific guy from OLD (not an old friend), and you have brought it up with her, then I can understand your being uneasy. It doesn't necessarily mean anything is happening between them, but it might speak to her level of commitment. In the end, do you want to make her choose between you and a FB friend? She might choose him just because she doesn't like being told with whom to be friends. You've told her how you feel, and she has refused to act. I'd be angry too. However, at this point, you have to decide whether this is acceptable to you. She's made her position clear.
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