bretowen Posted January 28, 2018 Posted January 28, 2018 Maybe you guys can shed some light on this. I walked out of a 3.5 year relationship in March 2017. In the months preceding that I really had no interest in anyone, until about a week before Christmas, when I met her. Let's call her R. The moment I saw her I just melted. In the first couple of days our chats were lovely, with her even making some flirty comments about some of my physical traits etc. She did tell me that she came out of a breakup in early December that she was still dealing with. All good. Taking it slow to see where it goes isn't an issue, although, unfamiliar territory for me as I haven't been single much in the past, say, 10 years. The "getting to know you" phase is a little blurry for me as I've been out of the game for so long. Anyway, we eventually met early in January and from there our meetings got more frequent quickly, to the point where we'd see each other 4 to 5 times a week, initiated by both her and me. No sex or anything physical. Just hanging out. She'd also stop by my office if she was passing by to have a cup of coffee or lunch...or send me pictures of her lunch or whatever random thing... I am also in the process of looking for a new place to rent... She'd send me listings she thought I'd like and accompany me to go view them. We also started an excersize regime together, as well as text very frequently during the day daily. Earlier this week I asked her out to a formal dinner date. She agreed. So we went Friday night and from what I could tell it went really well. Upon returning home after dropping R off after dinner, we made plans for yesterday (Saturday) and we also then ended up doing a mini road trip for the day. Again, lovely. While on our trip we spoke about the rental properties I've seen, of which one is quite close to her place. She said it'd be lovely to have me a little closer, essentially, around the corner. While we were out she also got a call from a friend and she declined the get together, telling me that this was "our time". Good signs. On our way home she asked what my plans for Sunday (today) was. Seeing as I didn't have any, and neither did she, we agreed to do a movie get together at my place and I'll prepare lunch. All good. About an hour after dropping her off, she texted and asked if we could maybe postpone the movie idea, as she'd rather take it easy at her place, and that she wasn't feeling too great. All good I guess. She did allude to not feeling too chipper earlier the day as well. We chatted a bit via text and I mentioned to her that, should she by any chance feel that I was coming across too strong, that she could tell me, as this whole "getting to know you" concept is really new to me, like I mentioned before. I also mentioned that I think she's amazing and that I would not want to mess it up by appearing too pushy etc, considering she's still working some things out after her breakup which, from what I could tell, she had plenty of unanswered questions about. She responded "thank you, I appreciate it. I just need my space still a little...but I enjoy hanging out with you and getting to know you better." The wind was taken out of my sails a little. How do I read this? For two weeks it's been a great interaction and her actions, to me, pointed towards a mutual feeling here of moving in a specific direction. But her response kinda deflated me quite a bit. Maybe I'm over analysing it? I don't know. I figured I'd retract a little. Not make myself so available and put the ball in her court completely in terms of social interaction. If it dies out or doesn't go anywhere then I know... But, I also don't want her to think that I'm disinterested, cos that's not the case in the least. A friend suggested I just ask her straight where she sees this going in the long run, what the potantial goal is here. Is that a good idea? Maybe I need to be a little more patient and play it by ear? I do get where she's coming from following her breakup, but, her actions leading up to today's been pretty confusing. Thanks in advance guys!
Mr. Lucky Posted January 28, 2018 Posted January 28, 2018 About an hour after dropping her off, she texted and asked if we could maybe postpone the movie idea, as she'd rather take it easy at her place, and that she wasn't feeling too great. All good I guess. She did allude to not feeling too chipper earlier the day as well. Why do you suspect it's more complicated than this? She may simply be under the weather and to press her for details beyond that is going to make you seem needy. Let it be ... Mr. Lucky 2
Chilli Posted January 28, 2018 Posted January 28, 2018 Sounds good to me with everything going on with you guys. But they only split dec was it , not long man l'm surprised she was putting that much time into you tbh. l'm not too experienced with the go slow thing either but maybe you could try just moving with her type thing. She sounds good with it but naturally as it's so soon for her to be back in the pan so to speak she'd of course need some time along the way.
SevenCity Posted January 28, 2018 Posted January 28, 2018 One piece of advice is don't start asking her questions like are you coming on too strong or where is this going. As a man you should KNOW where you stand. If you don't, observe her behavior until you do. Live in the moment - you are coming across as unsure of yourself and trying to set the future. That's a turn off for women. The other thing is she's still raw from a relationship ending. Women's emotions can go 180 on you in this state. Enjoy it for what it is. No one know what will happen and she can't give you any guarantees.
Author bretowen Posted January 28, 2018 Author Posted January 28, 2018 One piece of advice is don't start asking her questions like are you coming on too strong or where is this going. As a man you should KNOW where you stand. If you don't, observe her behavior until you do. Yeah I do feel a little stupid for it. Problem is, I've never really been good at gauging these kind of things so I'd rather open the table for her as well to speak up should she feel uncomfortable or whatever. Anyway, thanks everyone for you feedback so far.
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