violet_21 Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 I am 21, and dating a guy that is 34. I don't know if our problems are becaues of our age difference but i am hoping to find someone that might be able to give me some advice. He has kids, and it seems like everys about them. I understand, but he doesn't want me to get to know them yet because his ex will get jealous. He never wants to talk about ever having kids or getting married and he seems like he just wants to focus on work and career and making money. He never wants to do anything fun, and its like hes been there done that and nothing excites him about our relationship only scares him because he already got married and had kids and did it all.. The worst part is he acts like an old man and has a "bedtime" that he has to do EVERY NIGHT even when he has nothing to do the next day. He goes to his ex wifes every night to see his kids and put them in bed. So we can't even make plans at night like EVER. When i get upset that he sometimes is at her house for hours without calling me to tell me he will be later he says, "don't ever wait for me, just do something else" so i dont' know what that means, does he not like me??? why doesn't he give me any respect and its only about his stupid ex wife and kids. He never wants to do ANYTHING i go to his house and hes always going to the bathroom and reading in there, he takes like a hour while i wait. then he says, you can't be mad because i have to go to the bathroom but he does it a lot like a weird amount. and, he goes into his garage to smoke every half an hour for like 20 minutes and doesn't come back, reading his magazine. The his friends come by and he goes outside and doesn't come back for like a hour, and his friends ignore me completely if i go outside and don't even talk to me. Then he wont talk to me about anything saying i am weird that im mad, and i obviously have issues. He neve wants to go to a movie, out doing anything fun, even watching a movie... he says no my bedtime i have to be home so i can go to bed. its so horrible, why am i stuck with this old man who is actually only 34!!!! What should i do???? i like staying up late and i dont know how we will ever get along. i slept over there ONCE he doesn't even want me too and he never EVER wants to have sex, he NEVER EVER EVER wants too EVER have sex!!!!!!!!!! what the hell is wrong with him or am i the crazy one???
JanieQP Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 Hi Violet, For whatever reason(s), this guy is not able to give you what you need from a relationship. Nothing you do or say will make him able / willing to give you what you want. Therefore ... as painful as it will be ... cut yourself loose from him and find yourself someone who is available for you, interested in you, and able to provide (a lot of) what you want in a relationship.
ReluctantRomeo Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 Hmmm let's see. No consideration, no fun, no sex... my question is why you're with him in the first place. Btw, this has very little to do with age.... unless he's 74, not 34.
country gal Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 Romeo's right, this isnt an age problem, this is a relationship problem. would you settle for a 22 year old that treated you this way? everyone has needs in a relationship. therefore, you need to figure out (which you have already named a few) what it is that you need and what you can or cannot compromise on. then if he doesnt match up, which is how it sounds, you need to move on ..... and try not to make excuses for him, if he doesnt meet your needs, he doesnt meet your needs. dont be a hard rock when you really are a gem! good luck.....
kitkat826 Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 Ok from that post, I don't see one good thing about him. I know its a rant post so its not supposed to talk about the positive, but you seem to have covered all the bases and they are all negative. Sexual incompatibility: check Incompatible personal interests: check Ignores you when you're around: check Bad communication skills: check Seems pretty clear that you need to get yourself a new and improved version of a man....
Neptune Posted August 26, 2005 Posted August 26, 2005 He`s just not that into you! Dump him because he is just using you for whatever little value you are to him. And that seems hard to figure what that might be
Author violet_21 Posted August 26, 2005 Author Posted August 26, 2005 Thanks for your advice guys. i appreciate u taking the time to read my post.
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