heavenonearth Posted January 27, 2018 Posted January 27, 2018 If your partner would be invited by his ex’s niece to a birthday party, meaning he’s be spending an afternoon with his ex’s family... would this bother you? 1
FilterCoffee Posted January 27, 2018 Posted January 27, 2018 It would totally depend on the kind of relationship he has with his ex and her family. If the ex still has feelings for him, or if the parents are trying to get them back together then yes, it would bother me. I thought your bf had an acrimonious ending to his last relationship.
justwhoiam Posted January 27, 2018 Posted January 27, 2018 If your partner would be invited by his ex’s niece to a birthday party, meaning he’s be spending an afternoon with his ex’s family... would this bother you? No. He'd be doing it for the niece. He doesn't stop being an uncle, a father, a brother by starting a new family. That's how I see it. Relations make us human. 3
Author heavenonearth Posted January 27, 2018 Author Posted January 27, 2018 It would totally depend on the kind of relationship he has with his ex and her family. If the ex still has feelings for him, or if the parents are trying to get them back together then yes, it would bother me. I thought your bf had an acrimonious ending to his last relationship. Ah yes, I was just asking in general if others would bother... ...but to give more info, he saw these kids grow up over the past 15 years, and they wanted for him to come, he has not seen them in over a year (has not seen them since the break up with the ex), and likely wont see them again, at least not on a general basis. He said he thought it would be cruel not to go. He always had a good relationship with ex's dad as well, and also has not seen anyone from her family in over a year, and again, likely won't frequently in the future. Not an acrimonious ending, it was amicable. The ex will not be at the party.
Author heavenonearth Posted January 27, 2018 Author Posted January 27, 2018 No. He'd be doing it for the niece. He doesn't stop being an uncle, a father, a brother by starting a new family. That's how I see it. Relations make us human. Yes, that is what I was thinking. I trust him and I guess just a small part of me is a bit envious, as we are still in the beginning stages of our relationship and I, of course, wish for him to have a great bond like that with my family as well... eventually...
BaileyB Posted January 27, 2018 Posted January 27, 2018 Ah yes, I was just asking in general if others would bother... ...but to give more info, he saw these kids grow up over the past 15 years, and they wanted for him to come, he has not seen them in over a year (has not seen them since the break up with the ex), and likely wont see them again, at least not on a general basis. He said he thought it would be cruel not to go. He always had a good relationship with ex's dad as well, and also has not seen anyone from her family in over a year, and again, likely won't frequently in the future. Not an acrimonious ending, it was amicable. The ex will not be at the party. With that information, absolutely he should go. I wouldn't worry about it at all. It's nice that the kids want him to be there. And, what a nice guy that he would consider going into what may be, an awkard situation, for the kids. 2
FilterCoffee Posted January 27, 2018 Posted January 27, 2018 Ah yes, I was just asking in general if others would bother... ...but to give more info, he saw these kids grow up over the past 15 years, and they wanted for him to come, he has not seen them in over a year (has not seen them since the break up with the ex), and likely wont see them again, at least not on a general basis. He said he thought it would be cruel not to go. He always had a good relationship with ex's dad as well, and also has not seen anyone from her family in over a year, and again, likely won't frequently in the future. Not an acrimonious ending, it was amicable. The ex will not be at the party. Under those circumstances it wouldn't bother me. Yes, that is what I was thinking. I trust him and I guess just a small part of me is a bit envious, as we are still in the beginning stages of our relationship and I, of course, wish for him to have a great bond like that with my family as well... eventually... Don't worry, it'll get there
Author heavenonearth Posted January 27, 2018 Author Posted January 27, 2018 With that information, absolutely he should go. I wouldn't worry about it at all. It's nice that the kids want him to be there. And, what a nice guy that he would consider going into what may be, an awkard situation, for the kids. Yes, at first I thought it was weird, but when he explained it to me, it made sense to me. I am glad you guys think the same. 1
justwhoiam Posted January 27, 2018 Posted January 27, 2018 Yes, that is what I was thinking. I trust him and I guess just a small part of me is a bit envious, as we are still in the beginning stages of our relationship and I, of course, wish for him to have a great bond like that with my family as well... eventually... Your involvement is a totally different matter. As the ex is not at the party anyway, it would have been nice if the niece had invited you too. I'm assuming she didn't. The reasons might be several: she doesn't want to embarass you among people you don't know, she might think you'd get bored, she might think then you'd feel obligated to come with a present for her (but that's silly because your man will sure bring something), but most of all - as you said - you're at the very beginning of your relationship. Whatever the reason, don't feel bad about it. Just think that it's a good think, because you don't have to decide whether to join or not. So you can't go wrong. 1
smackie9 Posted January 27, 2018 Posted January 27, 2018 (edited) I wouldn't have a problem with it no...family is family. I wish more people were amicable about their divorces in my husban'd family because I really miss them. Edited January 27, 2018 by smackie9 2
BaileyB Posted January 27, 2018 Posted January 27, 2018 (edited) Your involvement is a totally different matter. As the ex is not at the party anyway, it would have been nice if the niece had invited you too. With all due respect, I disagree. The niece has a relationship with this man, not OP. Considering the circumstances, I think it's very appropriate for him to go alone. If it was not his ex-girlfriend's family, perhaps it would be considerate to extend the invitation to the woman he is dating. But, if I was OP in this situation, I would feel very uncomfortable attending the party. I would send him off with best wishes and find something else to do that afternoon... Edited January 27, 2018 by BaileyB 2
justwhoiam Posted January 27, 2018 Posted January 27, 2018 With all due respect, I disagree. The niece has a relationship with this man, not OP. I assumed OP's man and his ex were married. If that's the case, his new partner can be invited to family gatherings. He's been in the family for over 15 years. Ever heard of blended families? Now, the fact that it's too early on is a different matter, as I pointed out.
Author heavenonearth Posted January 27, 2018 Author Posted January 27, 2018 I assumed OP's man and his ex were married. If that's the case, his new partner can be invited to family gatherings. He's been in the family for over 15 years. Ever heard of blended families? Now, the fact that it's too early on is a different matter, as I pointed out. They were together for 15 years, unmarried. But yes, he was close with her nieces and her dad. He told me though that he thinks there will not be much contact with them in the future.
Author heavenonearth Posted January 27, 2018 Author Posted January 27, 2018 Your involvement is a totally different matter. As the ex is not at the party anyway, it would have been nice if the niece had invited you too. I'm assuming she didn't. The reasons might be several: she doesn't want to embarass you among people you don't know, she might think you'd get bored, she might think then you'd feel obligated to come with a present for her (but that's silly because your man will sure bring something), but most of all - as you said - you're at the very beginning of your relationship. Whatever the reason, don't feel bad about it. Just think that it's a good think, because you don't have to decide whether to join or not. So you can't go wrong. With all due respect, I disagree. The niece has a relationship with this man, not OP. Considering the circumstances, I think it's very appropriate for him to go alone. If it was not his ex-girlfriend's family, perhaps it would be considerate to extend the invitation to the woman he is dating. But, if I was OP in this situation, I would feel very uncomfortable attending the party. I would send him off with best wishes and find something else to do that afternoon... Nah, we have only been together for 8 months, his ex only knows for 3 months now that we are together, I think it would be quite inappropriate to join him at a family event of his ex I never met her, and she won't be at the event anyway. I don't think I will meet her for a long time to come, and if there will ever be an event at which I will have to meet her (they have so many mutual friends), it will be highly uncomfortable, I can already imagine But I will probably come back here once that happens, hahaha!! Thanks guys, you made me feel a bit better. 1
Author heavenonearth Posted January 28, 2018 Author Posted January 28, 2018 Under those circumstances it wouldn't bother me. Don't worry, it'll get there Yes i have trouble being patient and am somewhat envious of that bond that is established there. Being at his family’s over Christmas seeing pictures on the wall with her in it - super weird. I just hope they will accept me like they did her.
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