thedonnie Posted January 27, 2018 Posted January 27, 2018 Hello all, Hoping you can all give me some advice. Some background -- both of us are gay. Me - 46 and him 30. I was on vacation, he hit me up on a couple of apps - I did not pursue him. He invited me to have drinks at a local bar. Met up, hit it off and went back to my hotel. Stayed in contact and went back to visit a month later. Hung out a bit, went out for dinner -- enjoyed our time. Day I was to leave, he texted me that morning and stated he had to go out of town for work -- covering for a co-worker (text seemed a bit long with lots of details), he stopped by briefly and we said our good-byes. Not an issue to me as I needed to leave -- texted each other a bit during our drives (me to home and him to work event). I asked him to text me when he got to his destination, he didn't. Next morning I pull up app and see he is the "normal" distance away from me (he did not leave town). I did not say anything to him, he texted me all day long -- not sure if there was guilty? If he would have said I got plans, need to see family, need to see xxxx it would not have mattered! I chalked it up to cool feet and he just needed some chill time. We texted for days afterwards, and then he stopped. I figure ghost and good bye. Three weeks go by and then he texts me -- want to come see you -- when are you around? I happen to be coming back to his town the following day -- was going to see friends in the area). I didn't say anything about my visit until I arrived, he wanted to see me that night. He came over and we hung out for a few hours. He invited me to go to a bar with some friends of his another night and went back to my hotel again; next night had dinner hung out for a bit at my place and then he said he had to go to meeting following day (not an issue as I was leaving town that day), said our good byes. Next day, was going thru the town he had a meeting and pulled up app -- he is not there, but at home. Planned a trip to go back down again just two weeks ago -- morning i was going to arrive -- he states he is not feeling great, going to take meds and see how the day goes, would be a good night for me to maybe see some of my friends. I told him no issue, would be semi-late when i get in to town. He didn't text me, but I did see him on app -- but not sure if at home or out (didn't really matter to me as I was tired). Meet him and a bunch of his friends the next night at a bar, at one point he mentions meeting new people the night before (when I thought he was at home sick) and then we go back to my hotel -- he did sounds under the weather -- hoarse throat. He spent the night -- I was not expecting, he showed up with an over night bag. Next day, went and saw some friends and one asked to see what he looks like, I pull up his Facebook pics and see a pic with him at a bar (night he is "sick"). I ask him to come see me -- he isn't feeling well, can we meet for breakfast the next day. I ask him to please come and he does. We talk abit -- I ask him what he is thinking about us -- is there something there. He is interested and states the same things im thinking -- distance, work, but there is interesting in continuing. I then ask him about him stating he is out of town, but app stats otherwise -- "I don't know" and then I ask about the night he is sick. He went out but wasn't planning to be out late. He did not lie about any of it. Next morning, had breakfast -- hung for for a few hours and talked and then I headed home. He texted me within 30 minutes -- had a blast with me and let him know when i get home. He is "planning" to come here in a few weeks. We've been texting pretty much daily, nothing of huge substance -- miss each other, emoji kisses, wish we were cuddling etc. He has lots of friends, seems to be extremely popular, is very cute, seems to have a good head on his shoulders. So the question is why is he telling me he is going out of town on the day I am leaving and he really isn't -- like I said before it's not like we haven't seen each other -- I just can't put my finger on it - is he trying to impress me -- hard working, etc. The going to bar part -- not an issue to be honest, just I guess I would have stayed home and rest up. We are not exclusive or anything like that so I am not expecting him to tell me everything about his day or what he is doing or who he is with. I don't want to seem like I am stalking him, but I feel like I have to "believe but verify" his comments now which is horrible. He was in a relationship about a year ago for seven years, so not sure if he is just kinda playing the field -- which is FINE. Just don't make up stories. Sorry this is LONG WINDED! Thoughts?
Miss Spider Posted January 27, 2018 Posted January 27, 2018 (edited) Yes he seems to be playing the field and lying about it to keep you around. The first sign is when he lied about being out of town and keeps lying about where he's at. Then he ghosted you for weeks and popped back up. He's was seeing other in that time/playing around. If you're looking for a real connection, don't invest anymore in this guy. I don't think he's in a place for a serious relationship. Plus if it's a long distance thing that makes it even more difficult. Sorry Edited January 27, 2018 by Cookiesandough 2
smackie9 Posted January 27, 2018 Posted January 27, 2018 Yes he seems to be playing the field and lying about it to keep you around. The first sign is when he lied about being out of town and keeps lying about where he's at. Then he ghosted you for weeks and popped back up. He's was seeing other in that time/playing around. If you're looking for a real connection, don't invest anymore in this guy. I don't think he's in a place for a serious relationship. Plus if it's a long distance thing that makes it even more difficult. Sorry Agreed....the other red flag is when the excuse is long winded and detailed...that's what liars do. They want to make it sound as legit as possible.
Recommended Posts