Mila21 Posted January 26, 2018 Posted January 26, 2018 I have been with my boyfriend for 10 months and he has always been extremely attentive and caring with me but since 2 months ago he has been acting more distant and less interested in me. I can understand why, he is working a lot to help his familiy to pay the rent (his stepfather left so now he also has to pay his part of the rent) he also goes 3 days to university and his mother has been depressed so he needs to be more with her and go to therapy with her. I know he is under a lot of pressure but I can not avoid to feel left out of his life, i went from see him 5 days a week to just once and to never speak in the phone, i know it sounds selfish and i do not feel proud of myself but I feel like i do not have a boyfriend. I know i should support him but i feel sad and upset sometimes.
smackie9 Posted January 26, 2018 Posted January 26, 2018 Find a new BF....obviously he just doesn't have the time to be attentive to you. Life throws you curve balls yes, but you didn't sign up for this, you are not engaged or married, so it wouldn't be selfish to leave. It's just simply not a good time in his life to be in a relationship. 2
snowboy91 Posted January 26, 2018 Posted January 26, 2018 As you say, there are relatively valid reasons why he's not spending as much time with you. That being said, you feel you need to see him a lot more than just once a week, and to hear from him a lot more often as well. It's not wrong at all, it's natural. At 10 months the honeymoon period is probably over, so at this point he could be genuinely busy and taking you for granted, or he's just not feeling the relationship any more. Either way you need to talk to him about this and tell him exactly how you're feeling. 1
d0nnivain Posted January 26, 2018 Posted January 26, 2018 You know exactly why this is happening: he has adult responsibilities. It's not that he doesn't love you or that he no longer wants to shower you with attention. He simply doesn't have time. Perhaps offer to study with him. Even if you have nothing to study, read a book while sitting along side him. Offer to drive his ailing mother to her appointments so he has more time to be with you. 4
kendahke Posted January 27, 2018 Posted January 27, 2018 Things have progressed from the honeymoon stage to the "this is how real life with me rolls" stage---step dad leaves, mom's life has been upended and she's emotionally gutted, he's got university to get through... ...and his girlfriend isn't understanding that he's got responsibilities and obligations to his family that were in place before she got there. You've got two choices: 1. chill and let him tend to his family stuff--he's not scarce because he's out in the streets with his boys: he's scarce because he's got family obligations he's got to meet or 2. bounce and find a guy who doesn't have familial obligations. But this is how life is like. At any moment, it throws you something you have to field and deal with and sometimes that means that the person you're involved with, if they aren't your spouse, has to go on the back-burner somewhat while you get over the mountain in your path. Either the one you're with is an understanding sort or they're a selfish sort and will in short order show him which of the two they actually are. So which of those sorts will you be?
Maggie4 Posted January 27, 2018 Posted January 27, 2018 What is the purpose of a boyfriend? (or gf) Entertainment? Sex? Attention? At some point in a relationship, when you move into a long term partnership, there's also mutual support, both emotional and day to day helping hand, sometimes a bit of financial support also comes in. Your role overlaps with that of a true friend. You start to form a bond. I don't know how far along you are with him emotionally, and how close you are as friends. And maybe you never signed up for more than dinner and dancing. At 10 months, I don't know where you are. There are people who get engaged after dating for a year.
staggerlee71 Posted January 27, 2018 Posted January 27, 2018 ebb and flow man. you cant be the center of attention at all times. maybe you should be concerned with why he doesn't give a ****e that he is not the center of your attention. strap up girl
heavenonearth Posted January 27, 2018 Posted January 27, 2018 If this is an adult relationship and he is going through a lot, you need to be there for him. Sure, he will do the same if the roles were reversed. If you want to dump him now, do it, but I think that would be rather cruel.
smackie9 Posted January 27, 2018 Posted January 27, 2018 I have been with my boyfriend for 10 months and he has always been extremely attentive and caring with me but since 2 months ago he has been acting more distant and less interested in me. I can understand why, he is working a lot to help his familiy to pay the rent (his stepfather left so now he also has to pay his part of the rent) he also goes 3 days to university and his mother has been depressed so he needs to be more with her and go to therapy with her. I know he is under a lot of pressure but I can not avoid to feel left out of his life, i went from see him 5 days a week to just once and to never speak in the phone, i know it sounds selfish and i do not feel proud of myself but I feel like i do not have a boyfriend. I know i should support him but i feel sad and upset sometimes. Talk to him. Maybe you two can work out a compromise or maybe you two will agree this isn't the best time to be in a relaitonship. It's needs a discussion to figure what the next step will be.
basil67 Posted January 27, 2018 Posted January 27, 2018 None of what you've described should have him seeing you so little. You should still be able to see each other some evenings and half the weekend. The balance of relationship and life's demands are about juggling priorities. And he does seemed to have dropped the ball with your name on it. I feel that you're not so much of a priority for him now. 3
justwhoiam Posted January 27, 2018 Posted January 27, 2018 Am i wrong for feeling like that? No, you're not wrong. S-it happens.
Lamartine Posted January 27, 2018 Posted January 27, 2018 None of what you've described should have him seeing you so little. You should still be able to see each other some evenings and half the weekend. The balance of relationship and life's demands are about juggling priorities. And he does seemed to have dropped the ball with your name on it. I feel that you're not so much of a priority for him now. I agree. No one's life is easy or without complication. I agree with others who have noted that he has some heavy responsibilities right now, but he should at least be calling. You two can't maintain a relationship if you only have contact once a week. Yes, be there for him during this difficult time, but decide in what capacity you can provide support. It may just be as a friend. I think the two of you need to have a heart to heart and figure out how you both feel about your relationship and whether you and he are in a position to nurture it so that it can grow and thrive. Relationships do ebb and flow, but this ebb seems extreme. I would give it a little while longer if you really love him, but don't let it go on like this for too long. It's just like a car. it will eventually stall without fuel. 1
todreaminblue Posted January 27, 2018 Posted January 27, 2018 your bf sounds overloaded.......i would suggest you don't place more demands on him he is worker who is working extra to help his family out...you have a keeper.......dealing with a mother with depression can be tough....and then he has uni and you as well to juggle....so he is dropping balls...so help him juggle...... take him dinner if he is studying.....some brain food....good quality food.....not ramen noodles.....ill explain why i feel this is going to help you feel closer to him and him closer to you after make something with mushrooms some good quality protein,slow release carbs and banana or carrot cake for dessert or a supper treat..check out his fridge see what he lacks in sustenance...care for him.... give him some fresh fruit.... apples bananas grapes bake a loaf of grain bread...give it to him offer to come and see his mum with him take her a piece of carrot cake or a fresh loaf of bread made by your hands..and some really good quality butter....... or wrap a pink ribbon around a freddo frog and give that to her.....if you see dirty dishes in her sink wash them unasked and in stealth mode......while your bf sits with her......don't mention that you have done the dishes.....or swept a floor...... work out what your bf needs...you know him..... realize he is probably tired as crap and step in.....go over to give him a really good shoulder massage...kiss him...tell him how wonderful he is.....how thoughtful how kind....what a good son he is.....praise him and it will motivate him......appreciate him.....make him remember why he loves you in beautiful ways....be his lovely while you are doing all this cooking and caring.....and understanding you will feel so close to him.......you are doing the giving.....and he will be taking relationships are about giving and taking...and this time its your turn to give...you will be closer to him you will see him more often....and when this period of time, these moments you are giving so much to him are over .....he will reciprocate the giving part......its human nature to want to give back...... be there for him and give as much as you can to help him through a difficult period.....you can make some beautiful memories together..and he will not forget what you do for him...and how much you cared....my ex remembers.......from years and years and years ago and he cares for me because i always cared for him and yes he still wants to give to me even though we are no longer together......some people in all life are irreplaceable....and those people are always givers....they are always remembered ...as lovely......even when things dont work out theres always beautiful memories to create..your bf sounds lovely...be lovely to him.....best wishes....deb
Author Mila21 Posted January 30, 2018 Author Posted January 30, 2018 Thanks for your replies, I talked to him and he apologized for being so absent but I can see that he is under a lot of stress. We agreed to see each other once during the week just for lunch (since we have classes) and both days of the weekend. He still isn’t calling but texts me regularly.
Gaeta Posted January 30, 2018 Posted January 30, 2018 No you are not wrong and if I were you I would not buy his story so fast. We all work, deal with stress, have family members depending on us. He has an advantage over all of us, he's young. He's got twice our energy and when he's tired he regenerates twice as fast. Working shouldn't keep him from calling you on his break, and driving his mother to her shrink shouldn't keep him from calling you. There is something else he's not telling.
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