Author Mx12345 Posted January 28, 2018 Author Posted January 28, 2018 I'm not sure how I feel about his intentions. On the one hand, I really don't like how when he thought you were rejecting him initially, he managed to flip the whole conversation around to get you to apologize. On the other hand, I don't think these are conversations you should be having over text. They should either be done on the phone or in person to read tone and avoid miscommunication. So, I can't tell from a text exchange if he's genuine or not and if the red flags are red flags. Separating out your anxiety -- what does your gut really say about his sincerity at this point? I agree and I prefer to have these conversations at least on the phone if not in person. But I normally gague someone’s communication style early on, and this guy and I never once spoke on the phone. So it is what it is. If I’m being honest I think he is a mostly good guy who was multi dating. He broke one of our dates by saying he was going home early that I later found out was a lie. And it was probably to go on a date with someone else. I know that most people on here are jumping on that fact and while it does rub me the wrong way, we had known each other a little over a week at that point (from the first time we met, not chatting online) and I TOO was multi dating at that point. What I do get upset about is the more I think about it, the more I don’t believe how truly shocked he was that I thought he was fading me. In getting to know him I don’t believe he is that oblivious. I think he knew he was putting the brakes on, but got offended when he thought I was accusing him of just looking for a hookup. Something happened (I’ll never know what) to make him lose interest in me. My best guess is that bc he was multi dating a new girl peaked his interest more. I think he was interested in me but not on the level that I was with him. And he probably would have continued to see me sporadically while still multi dating. And maybe after more time he would have focused on only me but the opposite could have happened and he would have lost all interest. Since I knew that I really liked him and had stopped multi dating but his feelings were only lukewarm I decided to walk. One person on here seems to think my anxiety has me walking too soon and I should have let it ride out. But for someone to have such a great interest in me, then back off, is going backwards. At this point if he’s really interested in me he should have done something to let me know. 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 28, 2018 Posted January 28, 2018 Lots of guys lose interest when the chase is over (i.e. after you had sex a few times). 1
jdesey Posted January 28, 2018 Posted January 28, 2018 (edited) What stands out to me in your post is that you went 2 weeks without contacting him. This is one of the dating things that drives me crazy. Women insist the guy makes all contact. It’s OK if you initiate contact as well Edited January 28, 2018 by jdesey Mis spells
Author Mx12345 Posted January 28, 2018 Author Posted January 28, 2018 What stands out to me in your post is that you went 2 weeks without contacting him. This is one of the dating things that drives me crazy. Women insist the guy makes all contact. It’s OK if you initiate contact as well I purposely didn’t text him first because he was fading me. After our last date (and we had sex) there was a full day of no communication. Ok, not usual but not a big deal. So the next day I texted him mid day and he responded. But no texts that night, or the next day, or the majority of the next day. Very unusual. As since I had already reached out to him I thought he should reach out next. When he didn’t I realized he was slowly fading me out. The next time I heard from him was just him telling me to have a good trip. This is a guy that would text me multiple times per day, every day. I would text him first too but it was probably mostly 60/40 with 60 being him.
Miss Spider Posted January 28, 2018 Posted January 28, 2018 You definitely made the right decision. Don't look back.
greymatter Posted January 28, 2018 Posted January 28, 2018 Mx12345, I feel like you are handling it much better than I would, because you really seem to like him. I'm sorry you are going through this. 1
heavenonearth Posted January 28, 2018 Posted January 28, 2018 So glad you are now able to start getting over him. I have a feeling this may haunt him more than you at some point in a near future.
grays Posted January 28, 2018 Posted January 28, 2018 So glad you are now able to start getting over him. I have a feeling this may haunt him more than you at some point in a near future. Oh gosh, I hope so! lol. And this is a good thing to remember. We rarely know what's going on in someone else's head unless in a long term close relationship, and even then only what they're willing to disclose. I once realy fell for a guy who suddenly went cold on me before we even had our first date. I was mortified because I assumed that I had invented his interest in me and felt like I couldn't even trust my own perception of reality. It was particularly awful because he was my first crush after my 25 year marriage ended. Then about a year later he came around and told me he had just gotten terrified because, although he was in his 40's he had only been intimate with one woman ever, his high school sweetheart who he married. I would never have guessed anything like that and it never even crossed my mind that I wasn't the problem. Since then, if something doesn't make sense, I always remind myself that it could be anything and its very likely there's something I dont know and would never guess. 1
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