Can he change his mind based off these texts?

[Mx12345]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/648558-am-i-getting-slow-faded-am-i-just-anxious

 

Above is a very long thread about a guy I thought was slow fading me. He went from texting me multiple times daily to one text every few days. I hadn't reached out first to him in almost two weeks, but I was responding to his texts that he sent every few days. Then it happened. On Tuesday night he asked if I was free this week. This is what was said.

 

Me: Actually I like spending time with you and I have a great time when we see each other, but I was looking for something more than casual, and I don’t get the feeling we are on the same page with that. I’m sorry

Him: Wow not the type of response I was expecting. I have a lot of respect for you so I’m just going to keep my mouth shut. It that’s how you feel I respect that

Me: I’m sorry am I reading things wrong? You have a super busy schedule and I completely understand that, but I don’t really hear from you except every few days so I thought I was getting the slow fade.

Him: I’m not interested in something casual but I am going to take my time anytime I’m “dating” someone, especially when the ability to see them becomes limited. I.e. my schedule picked up, you went on a trip, then got sick etc. There’s still a whole lot for us to learn about each other before things go to another level and that’s how I see it. Yes I backed off a little in the sense that i felt things were going well but did not want to push or accelerate things when we couldn’t even see each other. I also was just trying to let you enjoy your trip. That said yes my schedule contributes and i definitely can’t be nearly as communicative as when I had nothing going on which is also why I backed off a bit because I knew that would be the case.

Him: So yes I’d say you’re reading it wrong. However, I realize I’m not an easy situation so I respect however you feel. I thought we were cool and figured things were good but I guess not. I had no idea you felt like you were being “faded”. Definitely not the case.

Me: I know you have a limited schedule with work, school, friends, and everything else and I knew that you wouldn’t have a lot of time going forward, but I was fine with that because I really do have a great time with you. I guess I misread the situation entirely and I apologize for that. I also didn’t mean to insinuate that you were just looking for a hookup or something so I also apologize if it came off that way. I am a cautious person by nature so I am not looking to rush anything. I would like to see you this week if you are free. I’m having dinner with my sister tomorrow but I’m free any other night.

Him: It did come off that way but I am glad you are saying that’s not what you’re insinuating. When my schedule picks up all I can really do is go with the flow and hold on. I definitely have enjoyed my time with you. One thing though is that you did mention you weren’t totally sure if you want kids and that is big deal for me since I definitely want them. Just an example of why I agree it’s important not to rush and learn about a person to make sure it’s the right situation. We are good and I accept your apology. We can plan something soon assuming I don’t get sick.

Me: Definitely didn’t think that about you so yes I’m sorry. I am fine with your schedule and now I know when you go quiet it’s because you are juggling lots of things at once. Im only unsure about kids bc at this point in my life I haven’t found anyone that I can picture myself taking that step with. I’m glad we talked about this because I think you are a great person and I was looking forward to getting to know you more. Fingers crossed you stay healthy and just let me know when your schedule frees up.

Him: Yes. I think you’ve been great as well and if something came to pass where I was no longer interested I’d straight up tell you, not go quiet on you. I’m not like that and I’ve got tons of respect for you as well. Glad we cleared it up because I definitely had no idea you felt that way. Good to know about the kids, and I get that. I will update you as the week goes if I’m confident that I’m not sick and we can do something.

Me: Sounds good have a good night

Him: Have a good night as well

*20 min later*

Him: That wasn’t too bad for our first tiff *winky face*

Me: You are such a mature arguer, it’s awesome

Him: Haha

 

 

So I guess all is good, right? I always thought this guy was not like other guys. He was a genuine person. So Wednesday and Thursday pass and there is no communication. Ok so he already said he was busy and communication would decrease. But its Friday morning so its the end of the week, and still no text about if he feels better or if we will have a date. So I text him this morning saying I hoped he felt better. He said he did. Then this:

 

Him: So I want to be honest that it hasn’t been as easy as I thought to move past our convo Tuesday. I just feel a little bit weird and I have no idea why and can’t really explain it. Maybe the comments just shocked me cause I wasn’t expecting them. I really have no idea. I’m telling you this because you know me pretty well and if we hang out and I was a bit different I’d want you to know why, not that I’m saying that would for sure be the case. I know we’ve had many good times and for me all was good prior to the convo. I am willing to hang out and see how things go. I just wanted to be honest about it. Or if you’d like we can take a little time and I can sort things out. I’ll leave it up to you. Happy Friday.

Me: Ah I see. So from my end I want to reiterate that By saying I wasn’t looking for something casual that that meant that YOU were just looking to hook up. I never thought that. I do not think you are that kind of person. However even before my trip (and after) your communication decreased dramatically. I was left to just guess at what was going on. I assumed I did or said something the last time we went out and you were no longer interested. Unfortunately in this day and age a lot of people do not easily communicate they are no longer interested instead they just slowly stop talking to the other person. I thought that was what you were doing. And if you were I didn’t think you were a bad person, probably just someone who doesn’t like confrontation. So I gave you an easy out. By saying we were on different pages, no hard feelings. Yes it sucked bc I liked you, but I can’t make someone be interested in me. To my surprise you said this was not the case, that I misread the situation. I don’t regret telling you I felt like I was being faded bc those are my feelings. But I am sorry it is giving you a weird feeling about me..or us..whatever. That was not my intention. I think at this point however if you are having doubts that does not make me feel good. Again though I don’t regret telling you how I felt. Unfortunately telling you how I felt though pushed you away. I don’t know you well enough to know if giving you a little time will help the situation. Maybe it will but I think at this point I don’t want to be left in limbo. Again I apologize that my feelings made you feel weird about me. I think you’re a great person, and I don’t have any hard feelings.

Him: I get all that and don’t think you should regret telling me those things. It’s important to express how you feel and I am glad you told me otherwise I would have had no idea that I was making you feel that way. In my eyes things had gone so smoothly and we had never questioned anything with each other so I did not expect it at all. I certainly thought about just trying to see you tomorrow and seeing how it went but then if I was a bit different I just thought that could be weird so I felt honesty was the best policy just as you did to make sure we were on the same page. I’m not sure I would call it doubts, as i said I really have no idea what to call it or what it is and that’s the truth. I think you are an amazing person and definitely don’t have a single negative thing to say about you. I understand though if you feel taking some time may not work and totally respect that. I don’t have any hard feelings either.

Me: Thank you for the honesty, it’s appreciated, thanks care!

Him: Likewise and you as well.

 

Is there any chance he will change his mind? Should I have gone out tomorrow and just tried to not let there be weirdness? I really liked this guy. Do you think he will reach out once his weird feeling goes away? I'm super sad right now.

[olivetree]

I think that the ball is in your court since he was saying he was still willing to meet you but just wanted to give you a heads up that he might be off.

Then you basically said if he's having doubts not to bother.

I wouldn't want to go out with someone that was feeling uncomfortable because I had expressed my feelings either.

That said, it really didn't take much words from him for you to reconsider your position in the first place.

I actually wonder if it was your abrupt turnaround that is making him the most uneasy.

 

I think you should have stuck to your guns and discontinued the small talk before.

I think he was showing you with his actions before that he was pulling back.

If he was busy and couldn't see you, he could have texted you more and showed interest in that way.

Men who are really into a woman don't want her to think he isn't interested.

 

So don't second guess yourself.

I would leave it as is.

 

Look for someone reliable, consistent and HONEST (he lied before, don't sweep this aside).

You'll probably have much less anxiety with someone like that.

Edited January 26, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redact full quote of starting post

[Lorenza]

I don't understand what he's weirded out about. He decreases the communication, cancels a date (if I remember correctly from your other thread), goes MIA and then acts all "whoa, wtf" when you express your concerns. I also noticed how you keep on apologizing for making him feel uncomfortable by speaking up yet he never apologizes for giving you a wrong impression with his actions (or lack thereof). This guy just isn't that interested.

[grays]

I would love to be dating someone who is as open and honest as you are about your feelings. You're a great communicator. And your analysis that he was fading was totally reasonable. Imo, its a little crazy for him to think he can go from regular communication to barely communicating and think you're not going to wonder.

 

I don't have a good feeling about his current position that you've made him feel uncomfortable. I don't necessarily think it means he's lost feeling for you, but it feels kinda manipulative to me. He's gotten a weird sort of emotional upper hand.

[Mx12345]

The more I keep rereading the texts, the better I feel about my decision to not go out tomorrow. I don’t fully believe he’s completely shocked that I thought he was fading me. Multiple texts Throughout the day, planning dates before other dates have even happened, enthusiasm about seeing me, then nothing.

 

It takes a few seconds to send a text. No matter how busy you are. After I also realized he didn’t apologize for making me feel like he was fading me.

 

I’m still very sad and hurt. But when someone says “I’m willing to still meet and see...” it makes me feel like crap. I don’t need you to be willing to still see me and see if things are good. I want you to WANT to see me. And I turned down the “give him time” scenario. Anytime I’ve been iffy about someone spending time apart hasn’t helped me in their favor. If anything it just made me realized I was fine without them.

[act00]

You're bouncing around too much. You only want casual, yet you're uptight your love interest isn't exhibiting relationship behaviors. You want to be slow, but think he's a player when he backs off and gives you space. He's probably really confused and backs off because he doesn't know if you're interested or not, and you seem to ebb and flow in that department.

 

You need to figure out exactly what it is you want. Do you want a relationship or not? How many times a week is too much or too little to see each other in your mind? How much texting and communication is acceptable? Do you want casual, then don't get pissy if he calls you up for hookup. It's what you want. Do you want something serious, but a slow pace? Okay, but accept he might not accept your pace at some point...maybe not a match. Don't say casual, then complain he stopped texting as much and seemed to be fading...if you don't want the same things, you don't.

[Mx12345]

You're bouncing around too much. You only want casual, yet you're uptight your love interest isn't exhibiting relationship behaviors. You want to be slow, but think he's a player when he backs off and gives you space. He's probably really confused and backs off because he doesn't know if you're interested or not, and you seem to ebb and flow in that department.

 

You need to figure out exactly what it is you want. Do you want a relationship or not? How many times a week is too much or too little to see each other in your mind? How much texting and communication is acceptable? Do you want casual, then don't get pissy if he calls you up for hookup. It's what you want. Do you want something serious, but a slow pace? Okay, but accept he might not accept your pace at some point...maybe not a match. Don't say casual, then complain he stopped texting as much and seemed to be fading...if you don't want the same things, you don't.

 

At what point in either of these threads do I say I want casual?? I had on my dating profile I was looking for serious. We talked on NYE that I wasn’t looking for casual. I told him on Tuesday it felt casual and I wasn’t looking for casual. Just because I don’t want to rush into anything doesn’t mean I want casual. I’m confused why you think this.

[Versacehottie]

You're bouncing around too much. You only want casual, yet you're uptight your love interest isn't exhibiting relationship behaviors. You want to be slow, but think he's a player when he backs off and gives you space. He's probably really confused and backs off because he doesn't know if you're interested or not, and you seem to ebb and flow in that department.

 

You need to figure out exactly what it is you want. Do you want a relationship or not? How many times a week is too much or too little to see each other in your mind? How much texting and communication is acceptable? Do you want casual, then don't get pissy if he calls you up for hookup. It's what you want. Do you want something serious, but a slow pace? Okay, but accept he might not accept your pace at some point...maybe not a match. Don't say casual, then complain he stopped texting as much and seemed to be fading...if you don't want the same things, you don't.

 

This^^^^. Similar to what i said before on your other thread. So as i can see from the most recent texts, it seems like he had a reasonable explanation and you were mainly sabotaging it out anxiety. There were a couple of moments where you went a little doom and gloom on him but otherwise i think the content was pretty honest and good which is why you got what it seemed like you both wanted out of the first grouping of texts. (they were a little long IMO because I think you guys cleared it up and being decisive would have helped the whole situation; also not great that it was over text--even if he started it with a text you could have just called him after that).

 

Then you both started being wishy washy. Too much talking not enough moving on. In this current moment you feel like now you let a guy go that wasn't that into you and thus good but a few hours ago not so and guessing it will return to where you feel like you messed up with a good guy. That's because as i said on your other thread you are not clear with your intention so your anxiety is running the show. Notice how you bailed first and pulled the parachute in that one part. I think unfortunately that two good people are missing out on each other. A guy who doesn't want to date you and is fading would no way write all what he wrote. I think he likes you and you guys got a little off track. Your anxiety took over and voila here we are.

[preraph]

What's really nuts about this is you haven't even met each other. Good lord, a date is not a marriage commitment. It's a simple date! You don't EVEN have to discuss anything serious in it and shouldn't for quite some time, and yet here you two are eliminating each other when you've never even met and don't even know if there's an iota of chemistry. Let me tell you, when in person you click, it can overcome all of this little "You don't text enough" crap. Guys are very visual and in my long years of experience, I can tell you that most of them are not up for having these type of unpleasant pow-wows with someone they're not sleeping with or at least dating face to face. It's already too much work. He was trying not to text so much and now he's had to have a marathon.

 

Meet and date someone SOON because texting only tells you, they say, about 40 percent of the person.

[todreaminblue]

i dont know if it would be weird it might be a case that you feel a little vulnerable an dunsure...a bit anxious...which would be expected considering you havent seen each other since having a little tiff..having face to face talks from now on will improve the odds of this not happening again

 

my ex when i felt insecure about seeing him again after over a decade and was trying to do a runner and not see him.... said this...you are always going to feel insecure about this and thats ok we will get through it...........

 

man of few words lol ....so calming.....i cant read anything else into those words now can i...i did end up seeing him and im glad i did....

 

sometimes you just have to step out of your comfort zone to move forward..you just have to take the awkwardness the insecurity the anxiety and take it to a place where you know hey i survived and im glad i did it......

 

your guy a little verbose but a calm verbose...if you truly do like him ....you are going to have to step out fo that comfort zone and fi he truly likes you he will step out too....and who knows what will happen.....you might just have the best time.....after a little awkwardness...if you love someone....if you truly care....there's no step you wont take to try and make it work....the only thing is with every step you take...you must not change your values standards or morals to step ....you have to stay true to who you are.feel respected and give respect.......so go ....ask him....to meet you and i hope it all works out....deb....

[Mx12345]

What's really nuts about this is you haven't even met each other. Good lord, a date is not a marriage commitment. It's a simple date! You don't EVEN have to discuss anything serious in it and shouldn't for quite some time, and yet here you two are eliminating each other when you've never even met and don't even know if there's an iota of chemistry. Let me tell you, when in person you click, it can overcome all of this little "You don't text enough" crap. Guys are very visual and in my long years of experience, I can tell you that most of them are not up for having these type of unpleasant pow-wows with someone they're not sleeping with or at least dating face to face. It's already too much work. He was trying not to text so much and now he's had to have a marathon.

 

Meet and date someone SOON because texting only tells you, they say, about 40 percent of the person.

 

We had been on six dates in four weeks and had sex twice. Don’t know where you thought we’ve never met.

[Mkn1010]

This^^^^. Similar to what i said before on your other thread. So as i can see from the most recent texts, it seems like he had a reasonable explanation and you were mainly sabotaging it out anxiety. There were a couple of moments where you went a little doom and gloom on him but otherwise i think the content was pretty honest and good which is why you got what it seemed like you both wanted out of the first grouping of texts. (they were a little long IMO because I think you guys cleared it up and being decisive would have helped the whole situation; also not great that it was over text--even if he started it with a text you could have just called him after that).

 

Then you both started being wishy washy. Too much talking not enough moving on. In this current moment you feel like now you let a guy go that wasn't that into you and thus good but a few hours ago not so and guessing it will return to where you feel like you messed up with a good guy. That's because as i said on your other thread you are not clear with your intention so your anxiety is running the show. Notice how you bailed first and pulled the parachute in that one part. I think unfortunately that two good people are missing out on each other. A guy who doesn't want to date you and is fading would no way write all what he wrote. I think he likes you and you guys got a little off track. Your anxiety took over and voila here we are.

 

Disagree entirely that “two good people are missing out on each other”. I’ll again reiterate that this guy is a liar. But on top of that, he has so effectively flipped this scenario on you (very manipulative like the other poster said) to gain the emotional upper hand. He did NOT want to be canned by you when you sent your first text telling him you weren’t on the same page. He literally wanted to be the one dropping YOU. This guy is such a f**king a**. Saying that he felt too weird about seeing you was just his way of trying to make YOU feel like you ruined things instead of HIMSELF when no guy who wants to treat a woman right starts pulling communication, work or no work.

 

I repeat, maintain your STANDARDS! There is only one poster who thinks this guy is a good dude, that should tell you something!

[Eternal Sunshine]

I really don’t see what OP did wrong. She handled everything really well. The guy started not contacting her much or planning dates, she nicely told him how she read the situation. She never lost it or was rude in any way. She even allowed for the possibility that she was wrong.

 

The guy proceeds to not text her again for 2-3 days or make any plans, despite now knowing that she wished more contact (therefore making zero effort to meet her half way). Then he says that he still feels “weird”. He has nothing to feel weird about. If doesn’t have the communication skills to resolve a very minor conflict, he shouldn’t be dating.

 

I doubt he would pull that c#%* if he was dating Mila Kunis. It’s like when guys have a relatively mild interest level, if you don’t go along 100% with what they had in mind, they are ready to bail.

[Lorenza]

He literally wanted to be the one dropping YOU.

Saying that he felt too weird about seeing you was just his way of trying to make YOU feel like you ruined things instead of HIMSELF when no guy who wants to treat a woman right starts pulling communication, work or no work.

 

This!!! He just wanted to gain control of the situation. He's all "hurt" that you made (rightful) assumptions about him, that he can't move past that conservation and it has ruined things for him and at the end offers a consolation prize - "I'll do you a favor and will meet you anyway, even though you just ruined things". All this knowing he significantly dropped the communication after having sex with the OP twice? This guy is a professional bser!

Glad you didn't fall for it OP! I was especially proud when you said you didn't regret expressing your worries, way to go. Now drop this loser.

[Arieswoman]

Mx12345,

This jumped at me;

 

One thing though is that you did mention you weren’t totally sure if you want kids and that is big deal for me since I definitely want them.

Looks to me that he's looking for a way out of this, but as long as sex in on the table he'll keep you around.

 

IMO you had sex far too soon, heck, you hardly know this guy, but you can't unring that bell.

 

This is all getting too heavy and too complicated too soon.

 

Take a step back and see what he instigates - and ffs stop apologising to him for having an opinion

[Mkn1010]

I doubt he would pull that c#%* if he was dating Mila Kunis.

 

Please, for the love of God, do not start thinking this has anything to do with you not looking like some celeb (*smashes hand against face*). I had the exact thing said to me by a d**che on a post who doesn’t even know what I look like.

 

This insanely innacurate statement leads to self-esteem warfare! NO WOMAN, celebrity or otherwise, deserves to be handed breadcrumbs by a man. As a society, we need to stop perpetuating this pressure on women to look hotter if they want to be treated better by men. Just no.

[grays]

I almost never say this, but I don't think you should see him again. The more I think about it, the more I think he's purposely f'ing with you. It feels like some kind of pua strategy or something. His end game may be to have a beautiful, loving relationship with you but right now he's treating you ****ty.

[Miss Spider]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/648558-am-i-getting-slow-faded-am-i-just-anxious

 

Above is a very long thread about a guy I thought was slow fading me. He went from texting me multiple times daily to one text every few days. I hadn't reached out first to him in almost two weeks, but I was responding to his texts that he sent every few days. Then it happened. On Tuesday night he asked if I was free this week. This is what was said.

 

Me: Actually I like spending time with you and I have a great time when we see each other, but I was looking for something more than casual, and I don’t get the feeling we are on the same page with that. I’m sorry

Him: Wow not the type of response I was expecting. I have a lot of respect for you so I’m just going to keep my mouth shut. It that’s how you feel I respect that

 

This response really says it all. It should have stopped there. You said you were not happy with this casual arrangement and he basically said "if that's how you feel, then bye" But you kept it going

 

Me: I’m sorry am I reading things wrong? You have a super busy schedule and I completely understand that, but I don’t really hear from you except every few days so I thought I was getting the slow fade.

Him: I’m not interested in something casual but I am going to take my time anytime I’m “dating” someone, especially when the ability to see them becomes limited. I.e. my schedule picked up, you went on a trip, then got sick etc. There’s still a whole lot for us to learn about each other before things go to another level and that’s how I see it. Yes I backed off a little in the sense that i felt things were going well but did not want to push or accelerate things when we couldn’t even see each other. I also was just trying to let you enjoy your trip. That said yes my schedule contributes and i definitely can’t be nearly as communicative as when I had nothing going on which is also why I backed off a bit because I knew that would be the case.

Him: So yes I’d say you’re reading it wrong. However, I realize I’m not an easy situation so I respect however you feel. I thought we were cool and figured things were good but I guess not. I had no idea you felt like you were being “faded”. Definitely not the case.

 

Yea he basically just reiterated in a more roundabout way what he said before, that he's calling the shots and you're free to walk anytime, no skin off his nose. Not only that, he's trying to make you feel like you've been nuts to expect more than a text every few days and a date every couple weeks from a guy you've seen several times and slept with who supposedly doesn't want "something casual"...

Me: I know you have a limited schedule with work, school, friends, and everything else and I knew that you wouldn’t have a lot of time going forward, but I was fine with that because I really do have a great time with you. I guess I misread the situation entirely and I apologize for that. I also didn’t mean to insinuate that you were just looking for a hookup or something so I also apologize if it came off that way. I am a cautious person by nature so I am not looking to rush anything. I would like to see you this week if you are free. I’m having dinner with my sister tomorrow but I’m free any other night.

Him: It did come off that way but I am glad you are saying that’s not what you’re insinuating. When my schedule picks up all I can really do is go with the flow and hold on. I definitely have enjoyed my time with you. One thing though is that you did mention you weren’t totally sure if you want kids and that is big deal for me since I definitely want them. Just an example of why I agree it’s important not to rush and learn about a person to make sure it’s the right situation. We are good and I accept your apology. We can plan something soon assuming I don’t get sick.

 

The way this guy is shamelessly manipulating you is really despicable to me.

Me: Definitely didn’t think that about you so yes I’m sorry. I am fine with your schedule and now I know when you go quiet it’s because you are juggling lots of things at once. Im only unsure about kids bc at this point in my life I haven’t found anyone that I can picture myself taking that step with. I’m glad we talked about this because I think you are a great person and I was looking forward to getting to know you more. Fingers crossed you stay healthy ���� and just let me know when your schedule frees up.

Him: Yes. I think you’ve been great as well and if something came to pass where I was no longer interested I’d straight up tell you, not go quiet on you. I’m not like that and I’ve got tons of respect for you as well. Glad we cleared it up because I definitely had no idea you felt that way. Good to know about the kids, and I get that. I will update you as the week goes if I’m confident that I’m not sick and we can do something.

Translation: "I'm busy and I'm multi-dating, so I've been doing the bare minimum to keep you warm through text for when I need a sure bet. Now that I do, you might pull through. You've been great. If you ever stopped or I felt it was more trouble than was worth, I'd straight up dump you, don't you worry about that. I'm glad you bought my sorry*** excuse and manipulation tactics. I had nothing to lose by trying it anyway. I will let you know if I have nothing better going on and feel like hooking up and we can do something."

 

Lose this guy.

Edited January 27, 2018 by Cookiesandough

[Eternal Sunshine]

I find it really cruel that he turned it around on OP and basically now feels "weird about seeing her" because she spoke up. Please. Typical gaslighting.

 

This is not what a beginning of a promising relationship looks like, not by a long shot.

[Lorenza]

One more thing. I find it funny how he repeatedly claims he has "tons of respect for her" while his actions aren't aligned with those words (at least I don't think it's respectful to keep someone hanging, especially after being intimate with them, twice). Cheaters usually like to repeat how they'd never cheat on you and liars like to point out how honest and trustworthy they are, even if you weren't accusing them.

 

Whenever someone has to point out things like that, they usually aren't honest. This is him sending an unconscious message that he doesn't respect you

Edited January 27, 2018 by Lorenza

[Miss Spider]

I know right? Way to spin it around on her. He will probably cite this convo when he wants out in the future. "I just can't shake that weird convo we had..."

Edited January 27, 2018 by Cookiesandough

[Mx12345]

Sometimes in the heat of the texting back and forth and then the emotional period after I get very down on myself for things I could have said or did differently. In this case though it’s the very next day and I don’t regret anything I said to him. Maybe it’s because my heart had already started trying to move on when I knew I was being faded. I was hopeful after the Tuesday night conversation. But it’s just pathetic to “give someone some time” and see if their weird feelings about me go away. How long? A few days? A week? A few weeks? While I wait to see if you like me and you go and multi date? I knew with my anxiety that wasn’t an option. I also cringe when I read “I’d be willing to still go out” like really? You’d be willing? I also think about his texts from Tuesday where he says anytime I date I’m going to take it slow. Um our second date was to your Christmas party where I was introduced to your parents and coworkers. Then I partied with all your close friends on NYE. Then you signed us up on a double date with your best friend and his girlfriend without even asking me first. Which I was fine with. But now you are pulling back because you want to take your time when dating someone?

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm sorry you're having a hard time with this, OP.

 

That said, I am quite sure this guy was only lukewarm at best. Yes, he had you on his arm for the holidays but then it died down pretty quickly. His inaction was speaking much more loudly than the random contact. When you called him out on his confusing behaviour, he took the opportunity to make his exit.

 

Any guy who introduces you to his family and coworkers on the second date and then turns around just as quickly and goes fairly quiet - claiming he just wants to get to you know the person he dates - isn't a guy you can take seriously, in my experience. He's not long-term material for you.

Edited January 27, 2018 by ExpatInItaly

[bene]

While I think that communication is important in a relationship, I also think that this whole exchange has too much analysis and reasoning for early dating, it reads like a negotiation, not two people dating. Too much meta-talk about talking. I believe that the beginning of an actual relationship should feel more natural and flowing.

 

I don’t think you did something horribly wrong but there doesn’t seem to be enough rapport between you two and no amount of explaining and reasoning will change it.

[SpecialJ]

I'm not sure how I feel about his intentions. On the one hand, I really don't like how when he thought you were rejecting him initially, he managed to flip the whole conversation around to get you to apologize. On the other hand, I don't think these are conversations you should be having over text. They should either be done on the phone or in person to read tone and avoid miscommunication. So, I can't tell from a text exchange if he's genuine or not and if the red flags are red flags. Separating out your anxiety -- what does your gut really say about his sincerity at this point?