28 year old guy - should I completely ignore dating for about 10 years???

January 26, 2018

I'm going to say this not to be insulting, but as a genuine suggestion in case this is the problem. You come across as a bit arrogant and full of yourself. Do you think you might be projecting that image in front of girls, and that might be putting them off?

It's great that you have so many positive characteristics, looks, money, etc. (taking on faith that you're correct), but girls don't necessarily want it shoved in their face that you think so highly of yourself.

Maybe a bit of modesty could be your new approach. Maybe try dressing down a bit from your current style, and be more easy/going relaxed with your appearance and attitude.

when I talk to people, I strictly talk about them, ask questions about them and try to make them feel happy and comfortable around me. I don't say anything about me unless it makes sense within context of conversation. I've been awesome on the few dates that I've received in my life because I make people feel very comfortable around me.

I'm only talking about myself here because of purpose of the thread. I promise you I don't talk like this in real life

January 26, 2018

This is because they can afford to have almost impossible standards. You already make good money, so maybe date a woman that has everything you need aside from that great job.

I just looked up the stats and it appears there are more obese women in the USA than men. If true, then this just makes in shape women that much more of a commodity in the dating world.

I don't need a girl with a fancy 100K a year job

I want a girl with an intelligent/professional job. If she makes 40k a year as a teacher, that's perfectly fine. I don't want someone who works a lot of hours.

but attractive teachers I've met were very very picky

January 26, 2018

Arrogance is your problem. Also possibly shallowness. Your life goals are perfect hair, perfect body, impressive salary. Ugh. I'd find all that and the way you view yourself to be really offputting.

January 26, 2018

Maybe you are wrong?

Listen, i actually think you might be misperceiving yourself. You should be getting hookups from the 20-28year old crowd at the very least if you were the full package as you say.

You keep mentioning best dressed: hmmmm, maybe too metro for a lot of girls tastes that's what that says as a possibility to me. I don't think this attribute is high on a lot of girls list really. Look at good looking male celebs in photo shoots--a ton of times they are wearing the perfect tee shirt and jeans, but they are good looking and it all works (or a classic sharp suit). If I were to poll my friends now and ask what style they want in a guy, it's more along these lines rather than someone who overdoes it.

couple things here

1)I dress super nice but it's never overdone. Nice classy upscale button down shirt (I love Jared Lange shirts) with nice jeans and dress shoes. I get crazy compliments for how I dress

2)I strictly want a quality girlfriend, I don't care about getting laid with multiple women. I'm a very monogamous person if that makes sense

January 26, 2018

You have a lot of confidence . . . maybe a smidge too much & it's coming off as arrogance. 20 somethings struggling to find their way may be scared off by your persona: high testosterone, high earner, confident etc. I'm not saying don't be all those things in business. I am suggesting that you tone in down while you are trying to meet a woman to date. Listen more then you talk. Don't talk about yourself too much.

Older women are less intimidated by your success because they have achieved some successes on their own and they understand how important it is to have a provider / equal rather then just a hot guy as a partner.

It will be pretty hard to find a 35 year old to have kids with. Assume you meet at 35 & date for a year. Now she's 36. You get engaged. Given all of the logistical issues with planning a wedding, she will be 37 by the time you marry. To increase the chances of success for the marriage, you should give yourselves 6 months to a year to just be married before starting a family. So now she's 37 1/2 when you start trying for kids. At that age you will most likely be doing IVF which is an expensive emotional roller coaster.

Let me ask you this, Mike3838 -- what are you doing to try to meet compatible women? How often / how much time to you devote to achieving your goal of meeting somebody? Are you using every opportunity to make connections -- looking around when you get your morning coffee? seeing who is on the elevator at work (in the building but not your company)? do you have an OLD profile? are you attending business conferences & networking events? are you going to MeetUp events? Do you engage in hobbies that cause you to interact with women?

Perhaps you need to step up your game.

January 26, 2018

Arrogance is your problem. Also possibly shallowness. Your life goals are perfect hair, perfect body, impressive salary. Ugh. I'd find all that and the way you view yourself to be really offputting.

my goal is complete perfection in every way. I try just as hard to be a great son and brother and friend for example as I do anything

I think I would be an awesome husband and dad. I love kids to death. Everybody says I'm a great person. I have a wonderful relationship with my friends and family

A lot of my obsessive desire for self perfection comes from feeling like I have to be that good for a cute girl to acknowledge my presence. I feel like quality women have impossible standards

January 26, 2018

my goal is complete perfection in every way.

* * *

A lot of my obsessive desire for self perfection comes from feeling like I have to be that good for a cute girl to acknowledge my presence. I feel like quality women have impossible standards

Nope that perfectionism is why you can't find a girl. It's backfiring on you so cut it out & you will have more success.

Nobody is perfect. When you chase perfection, you chase an impossible illusion & you end up making yourself miserable.

January 26, 2018

people compliment me everywhere I go - I don't think I could count the amount of times I've been called "very handsome" in my life. I am 5'10 195 all muscle and I dress like a GQ model

Does not matter at all. If I approach a cute 27 year old, she will want nothing to do with me

if I approach a 35 year old, she will be all over me instantly

here's the deal....27 year olds don't have the confidence or the maturity to openly express interest. They feel they will come off a "easy" and be taken advantage of. That is one of the biggest fears 20 something year olds fear. They are leery of men who are attractive...they may think of you as a player, and the possibility of intimidation as well.

It's all about perspective. You feel they are being cold and uninterested, when it's most likely the opposite.

I bet money on it if you dressed down and didn't tell them you are making like 6 or 7 figures, and showed some modesty, be casual laid back, you might come off more as approachable.

January 26, 2018

You have a lot of confidence . . . maybe a smidge too much & it's coming off as arrogance. 20 somethings struggling to find their way may be scared off by your persona: high testosterone, high earner, confident etc. I'm not saying don't be all those things in business. I am suggesting that you tone in down while you are trying to meet a woman to date. Listen more then you talk. Don't talk about yourself too much.

I NEVER talk about myself in real life unless it makes sense within context

I promise you this thread is not representative of me in real life. I'm all about talking about what the other person finds interesting

Older women are less intimidated by your success because they have achieved some successes on their own and they understand how important it is to have a provider / equal rather then just a hot guy as a partner.

From what I've been told, older women approach me because they say I'm "gorgeous". I don't think people know how successful I am before they hang out with me - outside of maybe that I dress very upscale and I'm super generous

I don't carry my W-2 around with me lol

Let me ask you this, Mike3838 -- what are you doing to try to meet compatible women? How often / how much time to you devote to achieving your goal of meeting somebody? Are you using every opportunity to make connections -- looking around when you get your morning coffee? seeing who is on the elevator at work (in the building but not your company)? do you have an OLD profile? are you attending business conferences & networking events? are you going to MeetUp events? Do you engage in hobbies that cause you to interact with women?

Perhaps you need to step up your game.

good question

1)I work in a male dominated job. No 27 year old cuties here

2)i don't drink coffee

3)I don't do online dating because all the research and people I've talk to says you have to look like a movie star to get dates with anybody decent. I'm only about a 7/10 in pics and that's not nearly enough

4)all my hobbies are very male dominated (bodybuilding, sports). I do love fashion and I love going to concerts but I haven't met any women that way

my lifestyle is pretty awesome - I travel constantly, go to the best bars, clubs, restaurants, concerts, sports events but the only women who ever show interest in me tend to be 35 to 45

January 26, 2018

here's the deal....27 year olds don't have the confidence or the maturity to openly express interest. They feel they will come off a "easy" and be taken advantage of. That is one of the biggest fears 20 something year olds fear. They are leery of men who are attractive...they may think of you as a player, and the possibility of intimidation as well.

It's all about perspective. You feel they are being cold and uninterested, when it's most likely the opposite.

I bet money on it if you dressed down and didn't tell them you are making like 6 or 7 figures, and showed some modesty, be casual laid back, you might come off more as approachable.

dude I don't tell anybody how much money I make - are you crazy? though people can usually tell with how I dress, speak, how generous I am and when they see the car I drive that I do ok. I don't bring up any of it though. I have normal conversation based on whatever they find interesting and just to have fun and make them feel comfortable

no, none of the girls my age want anything to do with me. When I try to ask for a number, I usually get rejected. When they give it to me, they ignore my call or text. I only try once and I go away - I'm not trying to make anybody feel uncomfortable

the women 30 plus usually approach me first and they are all over me from the beginning

January 26, 2018

this is how I look when I go out guys

https://s18.postimg.org/g7n539tzd/20180126_122744.jpg

January 26, 2018

this is how I look when I go out guys

https://s18.postimg.org/g7n539tzd/20180126_122744.jpg

That beard is automatically going to turn off a large percentage of women. Can't see your hair. Are you balding so you decided to crop the top of the pic?

Shirt looks a little tight around the arms. Popeye's not always a great look.

January 26, 2018

I don't know why but I feel uneasy around men who look too good. Especially the very muscular "dressed on fleek" type.

I don't want a guy who cares more about fashion than I do.

I'm not trying to say I don't like it when a man knows how to dress, but I prefer a guy being "manly" over "gorgeous".

January 26, 2018

1)I work in a male dominated job. No 27 year old cuties here
2)i don't drink coffee
3)I don't do online dating because all the research and people I've talk to says you have to look like a movie star to get dates with anybody decent. I'm only about a 7/10 in pics and that's not nearly enough
4)all my hobbies are very male dominated (bodybuilding, sports). I do love fashion and I love going to concerts but I haven't met any women that way

my lifestyle is pretty awesome - I travel constantly, go to the best bars, clubs, restaurants, concerts, sports events but the only women who ever show interest in me tend to be 35 to 45

This is where & why you are failing.

There is no such thing as a male dominated job any more. There are women in your industry. Go find one.

Give OLD a shot. I hated it but I think it's a right of passage. If you are that concerned about how you look in the photos, hire a professional photographer to take some pictures . . . . .not the seated studio portrait but some good candid shots. You look annoyed & mean in that photo. I wouldn't talk to you either. Adopt a more relaxed posture & smile for pete's sake.

If you like sports, dial back the overly competitive alpha **** part & join more laid back co-ed sports team so you can meet women.

If you are "all that" & can't meet a woman in the "best bars, clubs, restaurants, concerts, sports events" you are doing something wrong. You are not coming across as approachable. You are not being warm. You are probably trying so hard to "be perfect" that you come across as a full of himself egomaniac that nobody wants to be around. Listen to the song You're So Vain by Carly Simon & stop emulating that guy.

Even if you don't carry your W-2 around, I suspect the women you are attracting are drawn to your money, not your personality. Do you really want a woman who wants to date your car, not you?

January 26, 2018

That beard is automatically going to turn off a large percentage of women. Can't see your hair. Are you balding so you decided to crop the top of the pic?

Shirt looks a little tight around the arms. Popeye's not always a great look.

no I have good hair - dark thick black hair. My hairline has slightly receded but it's not noticeable and I'm gonna get surgery to fix it

that shirt is a large. I'm only 195 lbs man. I can't wear extra large

January 26, 2018

I don't know why but I feel uneasy around men who look too good. Especially the very muscular "dressed on fleek" type.

I don't want a guy who cares more about fashion than I do.

I'm not trying to say I don't like it when a man knows how to dress, but I prefer a guy being "manly" over "gorgeous".

I posted a pic of myself. I think I look very manly. i have a manly voice and manly hobbies in real life also

January 26, 2018

This is where & why you are failing.

There is no such thing as a male dominated job any more. There are women in your industry. Go find one.

Give OLD a shot. I hated it but I think it's a right of passage. If you are that concerned about how you look in the photos, hire a professional photographer to take some pictures . . . . .not the seated studio portrait but some good candid shots. You look annoyed & mean in that photo. I wouldn't talk to you either. Adopt a more relaxed posture & smile for pete's sake.

If you like sports, dial back the overly competitive alpha **** part & join more laid back co-ed sports team so you can meet women.

If you are "all that" & can't meet a woman in the "best bars, clubs, restaurants, concerts, sports events" you are doing something wrong. You are not coming across as approachable. You are not being warm. You are probably trying so hard to "be perfect" that you come across as a full of himself egomaniac that nobody wants to be around. Listen to the song You're So Vain by Carly Simon & stop emulating that guy.

Even if you don't carry your W-2 around, I suspect the women you are attracting are drawn to your money, not your personality. Do you really want a woman who wants to date your car, not you?

so why do women 30+ approach me all the time when I go out?? and when I talk to them for a bit, they like me more and more and more

when I try approaching someone my age, they want absolutely nothing to do with me. I usually walk away pretty quickly before I make them feel super uncomfortable

I'm happy and in a good mood most of the time, especially when I go out. I have a nice smile and I think I smile a lot (in natural way)

I am super nice towards everyone- I have gay men who ask me out all the time and I'm super nice in turning them down.

January 26, 2018

no I have good hair - dark thick black hair. My hairline has slightly receded but it's not noticeable and I'm gonna get surgery to fix it

that shirt is a large. I'm only 195 lbs man. I can't wear extra large

If your hairline has receded then it IS noticeable. I could tell in the cropped pic. Don't lie to yourself.

You have your shirt unbuttoned and you're not wearing an undershirt. Your extremely thick facial hair tells me that you shave your chest, because I can't even see any hair there. I mean no disrespect, but you have the look of a "player," almost sleazy in a way. Either button up the shirt or wear an undershirt.

January 26, 2018

Mike, you appear to be perfect.

Nothing can go wrong.

January 26, 2018

so why do women 30+ approach me all the time when I go out?? and when I talk to them for a bit, they like me more and more and more

when I try approaching someone my age, they want absolutely nothing to do with me. I usually walk away pretty quickly before I make them feel super uncomfortable

I'm happy and in a good mood most of the time, especially when I go out. I have a nice smile and I think I smile a lot (in natural way)

I am super nice towards everyone- I have gay men who ask me out all the time and I'm super nice in turning them down.

I'd have to see you "operate" in person. From the photo, I'm telling you that I think you look mean & full of yourself. You say you are not & I believe you but perception is reality.

I think I am a big marshmallow but my whole life people have always told me I come across as cold, serious & unapproachable. I just don't have a warm fuzzy vibe & during the work day I walk with a purpose so that people just get out of my way. My friends & husband use my attitude to their advantage because I can make panhandlers & other undesirables go away with just a glare. They don't even ask me. But when I think I'm being sweet & people say I still look mean, it kinda hurts.

More then one person here on LS has taken umbrage at my tone. I'm direct & I don't know how to sugar coat things, although I constantly try to work on my diplomacy. Similarly, when I was single before I met my husband I tried to be more deferential so that men I met didn't think I was trying to compete with him. My grad school BF actually dumped me because he thought I was better at our profession then he was & he didn't want to deal with that.

I suspect that you may be receiving the feedback I often get. Try to be more chill & see what happens. Do it as an experiment when you go out this weekend. Don't try to be the best guy in the club. Just be friendly. See what happens. Also maybe don't focus all your attention in the hottest girls there. Take some time to interact with the other women, especially the ones who aren't coveting the spotlight.

January 26, 2018

If your hairline has receded then it IS noticeable. I could tell in the cropped pic. Don't lie to yourself.

You have your shirt unbuttoned and you're not wearing an undershirt. Your extremely thick facial hair tells me that you shave your chest, because I can't even see any hair there. I mean no disrespect, but you have the look of a "player," almost sleazy in a way. Either button up the shirt or wear an undershirt.

my hairline has slightly matured. My hair still looks very good. People love my hair - it's thick/dark/nice waves to it

I trim my body hair very short- I have to. I'm a hairy bastard

I usually wear the button up there. dunno why it was buttoned down in the pic

January 26, 2018

I posted a pic of myself. I think I look very manly. i have a manly voice and manly hobbies in real life also

Yeah I just saw the picture.

You're probably looking at the wrong places. Try a dancing class for example. Women love men who dance.

Just because you have a good job and look the part doesn't guarantee you a relationship. One of my friends has a law degree and is absolutely stunning but she's been single for 7 years. Dating is about finding someone compatible, it's not a reward for having succeeded in other areas.

Don't worry just keep on trying =)

January 26, 2018

I'd have to see you "operate" in person. From the photo, I'm telling you that I think you look mean & full of yourself. You say you are not & I believe you but perception is reality.

I think I am a big marshmallow but my whole life people have always told me I come across as cold, serious & unapproachable. I just don't have a warm fuzzy vibe & during the work day I walk with a purpose so that people just get out of my way. My friends & husband use my attitude to their advantage because I can make panhandlers & other undesirables go away with just a glare. They don't even ask me. But when I think I'm being sweet & people say I still look mean, it kinda hurts.

More then one person here on LS has taken umbrage at my tone. I'm direct & I don't know how to sugar coat things, although I constantly try to work on my diplomacy. Similarly, when I was single before I met my husband I tried to be more deferential so that men I met didn't think I was trying to compete with him. My grad school BF actually dumped me because he thought I was better at our profession then he was & he didn't want to deal with that.

I suspect that you may be receiving the feedback I often get. Try to be more chill & see what happens. Do it as an experiment when you go out this weekend. Don't try to be the best guy in the club. Just be friendly. See what happens. Also maybe don't focus all your attention in the hottest girls there. Take some time to interact with the other women, especially the ones who aren't coveting the spotlight.

I am already very friendly towards everyone though!

I had a very old lady at the gym the other day who said I was gorgeous and complimented my physique- I was very flattered and had a nice 20 minute conversation with her

I'm super nice towards everyone. I can't even count how many gay men have hit on me and I've been very nice to them even

January 26, 2018

I am already very friendly towards everyone though!

You are missing my point. You THINK you are being friendly. Other people don't get that vibe from you. They perceive you as something else. Until you alter their perception so they receive you as being as nice & friendly as you think you are, this will continue to happen.

January 26, 2018

You are missing my point. You THINK you are being friendly. Other people don't get that vibe from you. They perceive you as something else. Until you alter their perception so they receive you as being as nice & friendly as you think you are, this will continue to happen.

let's cut this problem down to the most basic level

I can make everybody in the world absolutely love me except the cute women my age that I want to date. What possible reason can there be for this???

Sign In

28 year old guy - should I completely ignore dating for about 10 years???

Recommended Posts

mike3838

mike3838

grays

mike3838

d0nnivain

mike3838

d0nnivain

smackie9

mike3838

mike3838

mike3838

Highndry

2much4

d0nnivain

mike3838

mike3838

mike3838

Highndry

Haydn

d0nnivain

mike3838

2much4

mike3838

d0nnivain

mike3838

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...