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Sex during first date...now what?

AnnaN88

By AnnaN88
in Dating

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AnnaN88 Established Member

AnnaN88

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Haha that’s incredibly sweet. I would love to hear that :)

 

You’re taking his rejection remarkably well. He was so deceitful and selfish it kinda grossed me out. Hopefully better things ahead OP. Chin up!

 

I guess rejection is part of life. And very much part of dating life. It happens to the best of us, no? :)

I was just thinking about this and about the fact that some guys are ambiguous or ghost/bench etc.

If all the guys that were not into me ( and there were quite a few), would have rejected me, I would have wasted less time on them.

So this guy was actually honest!

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Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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Anna,

 

 

The first part is true...

 

I would suggest that you take some time out and then start again.

 

Next time do not have sex on the first date, or the second or the third. In fact make sure that you are exclusive before you get into any heavy sex stuff. Limit the alcohol and don't go back to his place or invite him back to yours.

 

That way you can judge if he is really into you or just looking for a leg-over.

He could still disappear but at least you won't feel so bad about it.

 

Good luck x

 

I agree with this 100% if you’re looking for a relationship guy. Truthfully, IMO you can’t make a guy wait too long....

 

Even so, you’re not going to stop a guy just after sex if he’s willing to lie to get it. Like this guy who’s willing to lie to shave a decade off his age

Edited by Cookiesandough
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Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

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Sorry it turned out this way. I think you need to be careful of how you characterize events in your life though. Such as "you are unlucky in love", or guys are "just after sex". This guy is deceitful on some level--that is a huge lie to say 10 years younger. Does it mean that he was just after sex? Not necessarily. On a spectrum he probably is more likely to have dishonest intentions because he was dishonest about other stuff, by a lot, like his age. Even still you could have slept with a guy on the first date who was honest about everything he told you about himself and it still not worked out because there wasn't enough overall chemistry. People decide during the first several dates all the time whether or not there is enough chemistry of all types (emotional, physical, connection, etc) to want to continue with a person--this happens with or without sex; one or both persons may come to this conclusion; and the intentions of let's say the guy may have been pure as the driven snow, a little grey or just not good intentions.

 

So if you want to err on side of caution to try to make the best decision for what you do physically, yeah waiting is the way to try to balance all of these risks. Still no guarantee but the odds go up that the guy has good intentions about you; that you are doing the "right" thing for yourself and that "it" will work out. In your case with this guy, the deed was already done, so you just have to move forward the best you can as you did do. So it didn't "work out", let's be honest would you really have wanted it to? Or is it really the power of choice, where that decision is yours to make rather than someone makes it for you? He lied about something major (so no you probably really are not unlucky-you are lucky that he is not remaining in your life); Idk that he is wrong that you are at different stages in life--because you are. If he was a straight up good guy with good intentions who had not lied about being 10 years plus older than you but was much older, but he liked you and ideally wanted to continue, it might have still come to the same conclusion: that you are at different stages in life and not best suited. Idk, i think it's important that a person learns how to 'talk to themselves' in a way that will serve them. I think revising the history here so that you take the good stuff and don't generalize about guys trying to just get sex will have remarkably positive results in your love life, if you really believe in it. Also I get the sense that sleeping together on the first date is not something you would do & wished you hadn't. So learn from that: it's not because it is wrong per se (as some people have done the same and it did work out well) but it might be wrong for you. Not because you ran into this particular bad apple--but mainly because you weren't entirely comfortable with it & you didn't know enough about this guy to make this decision wisely (that would almost always be a gamble on date one). Good luck with the next one.

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